Tokyo3 Babysitters
by Rakna
Summary: A failed attempt to recover Shinji from Unit-01 reverts him to the state of a baby. Can the people of NERV deal with this new problem? (Added Chapter 8, corrected some grammer and spelling)
1. Chapter 1 The accident

**Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters**   
  
Written by [Alain Gravel][1]   
Assisted by [Tam Ka-Wing][2]

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX   
Started on November 16th 1999   
First pre-reader draft finished on March 28th 2000   
Final draft finished on March 31st 2000, revised on April 10th 2000   
Additional revisions, June 06th 2000   
  


* * *

  


Chapter 1 - The accident

As she stood in the Command Center, Katsuragi Misato felt utterly useless. The life of her roommate and charge, Ikari Shinji, was about to be put at high risk and there was nothing she could do about it. It was a scientific matter, not a tactical one. Like many other times in similar situations, she wished she had studied in the fields of science. At least she could have been helpful instead of just standing there. She was, however, able to find some peace of mind in thinking that Shinji couldn't be in better hands than those of Akagi Ritsuko.   
While she didn't show any signs of it, the said Dr. Akagi was feeling like a nervous wreck. This wasn't really the first time she toyed with life and death, but losing Shinji now was not an option. The Commander wouldn't accept it. This wasn't the first time she was faced with a delicate situation, but this time... the odds weren't good. Simulations on the Magi had given a fifty-fifty probability of failure in extracting Shinji from Unit-01. She had seen worse, but never had she felt as much self doubt as she felt at the moment. She didn't like those odds at all.   
That opinion was shared by the Major, although her views were more optimistic. She thought about all those times Shinji had pulled a miracle when everything seemed hopeless. Unit-01's first activation. His victory over the Third Angel. Him, catching the Tenth Angel...   
"He's beaten the odds before... I'm sure he can do it again," thought the Major, trying to chase any doubt from her mind.   
"Ego-border pulse connection is complete." Maya said suddenly, after having spent long minutes doing computer stuff, as Misato called it, for lack of a more precise term.   
"Roger," followed Ritsuko. "Begin salvage operation."   
Finally, it was starting. Misato wondered how Ritsuko managed to be so calm. Or was she only pretending to be like she did?   
"Roger. Signal-1 is sent."   
"Eva received the signal."   
"Signal-2 and signal-3 are now sent."   
"Subject's catharsis is normal."   
"Destrude isn't detected."   
"Roger. Move the target to stage-2."   
Misato didn't really follow everything that was going one, but everyone seemed rather calm, so she took it as a sign that everything was going according to plan.   
"Shinji-kun...." she thought, hoping to see him soon.   
However, fate had other plans.   
"It's no good!" suddenly almost shouted Maya. "His ego border is in a fixed loop!"   
Misato didn't need Ritsuko's brain to deduce this meant bad news.   
"Try to radiate all wave patterns from all directions."   
"Hai!"   
"No good. The radiated signals are captured in Klein space."   
"What does that mean?" Misato finally asked Ritsuko, wanting to know exactly what was going on. The look Ritsuko gave her almost spoke for itself.   
"It means... we failed."   
Failure.   
"No, no, no... this can't be happening! Hang on Shinji!" thought Misato, as her fingers held tightly the cross she always wore. She didn't really believe in God, especially since they were fighting his supposed Messengers, but she felt a silent prayer couldn't hurt. She didn't want to lose Shinji. Just the thought of it... she couldn't bear it.   
"Stop the interference," commanded Ritsuko. "Reverse the tangent graph. Set the addition value to 0."   
"Hai!"   
"In Q area, Destrude reaction is detected. Pattern is sepia."   
"Some changes detected in the core pulse. Plus 3 is confirmed."   
"Maintaining the present condition is the top priority issue. Prevent flow-back."   
"Hai! Plus 0.5, 0.8... it's strange... I can't stop it! My God! The EVA is rejecting the signal!"   
"Shinji's ego formation in the LCL is breaking up!"   
"The pressure inside the plug is increasing!"   
"Abort all operations! Cut the power supply!"   
"Too late! The plug has activated!"   
The hatch of the plug opened and LCL poured on the catwalk below, as well as in the coolant liquid that surrounded the EVA. Along with the LCL, Misato saw Shinji's plugsuit being washed out of the plug.   
"No! No! NO!"   
Misato ran out of the Control room, and soon reached Unit-01's cage. Reality hit her hard as she saw, at her feet, Shinji's empty plugsuit. She fell on her knees, and, fearing she wouldn't wake up if she touched it, slowly moved a finger toward the plugsuit. Her eyes didn't betray her. It was empty, this was all too real. She clutched the suit in her hands.   
"SHINJI-KUN!!!"   
She couldn't believe it. She wouldn't. It wasn't possible. Shinji couldn't be...   
But in her arms she held an empty plugsuit. She could feel the LCL on the rubber suit, on the catwalk... Shinji's essence...   
"SHINJI!!!"   
What seemed like a hopeless call for the fourteen your old boy was, against all odds, answered by the sound of someone crying. A sound that came from the believed empty entry plug.   
"Shinji?"   
Hope rose again within Katsuragi Misato like a mighty fire, giving her a new vitality, but also clouding her judgment as she failed to notice that something was very wrong with what she was hearing. She barked orders to a crew of NERV technicians to lower the entry plug on the ground, almost biting her nails as seconds that felt like minutes passed. Finally, the plug was down and the purple-haired woman nearly leapt toward it. She almost felt her heart break as she only saw an empty plug. Then, she heard the sound again. She looked down toward the end of the plug and gasped. There, she saw something, small, and pink, with blue eyes and short black hair. She nearly fainted at the sight.   
"Shin... Shinji?"   
The small baby, not more then a few months old, looked up toward the Major and his tearful face lit with joy as it seemed to recognize the woman.   
"Ga!"   
Since there wasn't any beer in the immediate vicinity, Misato's brain decided that the best course of action would be to rest. Even NERV's Tactical and Operational Officers have their limits...   
  


- - -

As she regained consciousness, Katsuragi Misato groaned. Silently, she cursed herself for drinking all those beers the previous night. As a result, she just had the weirdest, scariest and most realistic dream she ever had in her life.   
"I see you're finally waking up, Katsuragi."   
Those words activated a number of alarm bells in her mind. It actually wasn't unlike the alarms that one could hear each time an Angel attacked.   
Kaji Ryouji. That had been Kaji's voice. What was Kaji doing in her apartment?   
Her eyes snapped open and she realized one very important detail: she wasn't laying on her bed, but in a bed in a room she recognized as an infirmary room. The alarm bells just got louder at that sight. Seeing that she was in her NERV uniform didn't calm her one bit. Neither did the serious expression on Kaji's face. The Major may not have had the scientific know-how of her friend Ritsuko, but she was able to quickly access a situation. It was required for someone with a rank such as hers. So she quickly came to a conclusion.   
"It wasn't a dream, was it?"   
Kaji simply shook his head.   
Misato felt as if she was suddenly overwhelmed by a maelstrom of different emotions: surprise, sadness, relief, worry, anger, panic, confusion. She might have blacked out again if she hadn't suddenly felt strong arms encircling her. For once, she didn't even try to resist Kaji and simply cried against his chest.   
"It'll be okay, Katsuragi. Everything will be alright..."   
"How?" she managed to ask between two sobs. "Shinji's dead!"   
"Maybe not."   
The purple-haired woman stopped crying hearing those words, hope rising again.   
"What? How?"   
"The entry plug wasn't empty. You saw it yourself."   
Slowly, the details of what she had thought had been a dream came back to her.   
Ritsuko saying that they had failed to recover Shinji.   
Then the entry plug opening.   
Shinji's empty plugsuit.   
Sound coming from the plug.   
An empty plug... except for a small baby. A small baby with brown hair. A small baby with big dark blue eyes.   
Shinji???   
"There was a baby in the plug..."   
"Yes."   
"And you think it was... Shinji?"   
"Well, this seems like the most reasonable explanation. And it does look a bit like Shinji."   
Misato tried to think about this. It did look like Shinji. And she remembered that her first reaction had been to call it Shinji. But...   
"Even if it's him... it's not him anymore..."   
"It's better then death. And maybe Ritsuko will be able to do something to fix this. NERV needs Shinji as he was..."   
Yes, that was true. So far, Unit-01 had only accepted Shinji. The Commander wouldn't take lightly the loss of one third of his fighting force. That would mean every available resource would be invested in understanding what had just happened and fixing it. This time, there were reasons to be hopeful.   
"Do you know where... he... is?"   
"Ritsuko is doing tests on him in another room."   
The Major's heart stopped at those words.   
"Tests?! Ritsuko is doing tests on him?!"   
This outburst surprised Kaji.   
"Yes..."   
"She doesn't know how to handle a baby! She could barely take care of her cats! She'll hurt him!"   
In a flash of purple, the Major was out of the room, leaving a surprised Kaji behind.   
"And _you_ know how to handle a baby?" he thought, chuckling.   
Quickly, he followed her. This could be fun...   
  


- - -

"Gaga. Gaga. Heeee!"   
Misato stared in shock at the sight before her. Instead of trying to dissect it, Ritsuko was tickling the baby's stomach while making baby sounds, followed by funny faces. Her assistant, Maya, was doing likewise, but even more cheerfully, if that was possible.   
"I need a beer," thought Misato. The situation was just too weird.   
"Well, isn't this cute?" said Kaji, as he entered the room himself.   
Both the doctor and her assistant froze and turned red in embarrassment as they noticed they were actually being watched. Ritsuko tried to put on the cold scientist expression she always wore, but found it hard to do as Misato suddenly burst out laughing. So she just looked at her feet in shame, feeling utterly humiliated. And for once, she didn't have any smart comebacks. Quickly, however, Misato calmed down as she looked at the baby and remembered how serious the situation was.   
"Is this Shinji?" she asked, going straight to the point. This finally gave the doctor the chance to go back to her usual distant self.   
"Preliminary observations suggest that this baby is indeed Shinji. The lab is currently running a DNA analysis as well as blood type analysis to confirm that this baby is Shinji, and that there is no Angel contamination. It is also analyzing its brainwave pattern to see if there is some sort of match."   
"His brainwave pattern?"   
"Yes. From what we could tell, this baby recognized us. That would suggest that it has at least some of Shinji's memories. I want to know just how much of Shinji's 'soul', for a lack of better term, this baby has."   
"But... if Shinji's memories are in this baby... why can't he talk?"   
"I'm not entirely sure. As far as I can tell, this baby is only physically four to five months old. It barely started to develop. A four month old brain isn't as developed as a fourteen year old's. My guess is that the body hasn't developed the fine motor control to manage such sophisticated physical actions as speech requires. This is just theory however. Such a case has never been seen before."   
"I see."   
So, this was Shinji. Shyly, Misato extended a finger and tried to touch the baby. She had to know for sure, but didn't really dare do it. Finally, she closed her eyes and opened them wide as it came into contact with warm soft flesh.   
"My God!"   
She pulled her hand away, as if fearing to burn herself by that simple contact.   
"It's very real, Misato," said Ritsuko a smile on her face. "You can try again. He won't bite. He doesn't have teeth yet anyway."   
Again, she tried to touch it. She felt her heart almost leap out of her chest when suddenly the baby grabbed her finger with his small hand. She felt herself almost melting at the sight of his tiny fingers around hers.   
"You can pick him up," suggested Maya.   
"Me?"   
Both Maya and Ritsuko nodded, warm smiles on their faces.   
"O... okay..."   
Awkwardly, Misato bent down and tried to take the small baby into her arms. It felt so fragile. She barely dared pull him off the bed. The baby just smiled happily and wiggled in her arms. She couldn't believe that this small child was Shinji. He seemed so happy.   
"When will we have the results of the tests?" asked Misato, as she put the child down.   
"Only tomorrow morning. I'll have a nurse watch the baby, so we can all leave for now. No point in waiting here all night."   
Misato nodded. This had been an emotionally draining day.   
Ritsuko and Maya left and Misato followed suit. As she exited the infirmary, the Major felt an arm draping itself over her shoulder. Kaji. She had almost forgot that he was there. He didn't look like he usually did. He didn't seem about to tease her, he didn't try to show that lady killer smile of his and he didn't have that very serious expression he could sometimes have. Misato surprised herself in realizing that his presence felt very comforting.   
"Kaji... I don't want to be alone tonight..."   
The perpetually unshaved man just nodded in understanding.   
  


- - -

Something was wrong. Misato could feel it. Usually, there was always a nurse standing watch at the infirmary entrance. She wasn't there. Of course, it was possible that there had been an emergency which would have forced her to leave her post, but Misato doubted it was the case. There was an eerie silence in the infirmary. There was no doctors or nurses running around. The place seemed dead. She didn't like it one bit.   
Shinji! Maybe he was in danger!   
Pulling her gun from her holster, she ran toward the room where she had last seen the baby, figuring he would had been kept there. There was clearly a lot of noise coming from that room. She could distinctly hear a baby crying. Not wasting a second, she opened the door and entered the room.   
"Don't move!"   
The order took by surprise the group of six nurses, who were all around baby Shinji, giggling and making baby sounds to get his attention. So far, however, it seemed it had only resulted in making him cry. It was really no surprise, considering that Shinji didn't like big crowds. The room's mood changed however as Misato burst in. In fact, one of the nurses fainted as she saw the Major's gun pointed right toward her head.   
"What's going on here?!"   
"We were... watching the baby... Doctor Akagi needed to get a few things in her office... and..." a nurse tried to explain.   
"So you all left your posts just to play with the baby?" asked the Major.   
The nurses shyly nodded.   
"Get back to work!" barked back Misato.   
"But... Doctor Akagi asked..."   
"I'll watch the baby! Now back to your posts!"   
"Yes Major!"   
Quickly, the fainted nurse was picked up off the ground and the women scrambled out of the room. Some of them, however, kept whispering about how cute the baby was. Misato sighed. She could guess how some women must have felt; with Tokyo-3 in a perpetual state of war, a baby was a rare sight. Even moreso here, in the depths of NERV headquarters. Having a baby to take care of and pamper must have been a welcome change for these women who usually dealt with NERV officers and crewmen, as well as Evangelion pilots.   
Pulling a chair, Misato sat down and stared at the baby on the bed. It was the first time that Misato had had a proper chance to sit down and _really_ take a look at the baby Ikari Shinji had become. She had taken him in her arms before, but the experience had been so out of this world that she hadn't taken the time to take a detailed look. It had only been fleeting glances here and there, or quick visual confirmations to reassure her that the baby was indeed real, and alive, and Shinji. Her Shinji.   
He had been dressed in a sky-blue one-piece baby suit. It looked sweetly in place on him. Everything about him just seemed so _tiny_. His feet were small and active, wildly kicking at the air as he lay on his back. Suddenly, as if tired of cycling an invisible tricycle upside-down, he rolled clumsily onto his side and sluggishly pushed himself up onto all fours. He crawled across the bed with the lightning speed that only babies possess, and probably would have leapt right off if Misato hadn't hurried forward to stop him.   
The boy immediately lost all desire to explore upon seeing the woman and plopped down heavily onto his bottom. He smiled innocently and expectantly at Misato, who was caught unawares by the attention.   
"Strange," she mused, as she held out a finger to the boy, and he grabbed it hungrily in his tiny fingers and proceeded to suck on it. "I know he is Shinji, yet... he doesn't seem anything like the Shinji I know."   
She watched as the baby's head bobbed up and down, his hands weakly balled into fists around her finger. The look in his round blue eyes was one of curiosity and satisfaction, as if the finger was a pacifier of sorts. The thin shiny brown-black fuzz delicately covering his head   
didn't completely cover his pale scalp, and the boy seemed exposed and vulnerable. On an impulse, Misato placed her hand on his head gently and protectively. The head was fragile and warm. Unconsciously, a smile began to form at the corner of her mouth.   
"Buuueeeh!" squealed Shinji in delight, lips forming an O.   
Buuuueeeh?   
She'd never heard so much as a light chuckle from Shinji since she'd known him.   
"Biiiibaaah!" Shinji giggled and blinked cutely.   
Biiiibaaah?   
Normal sounds for a baby to make.   
Yet, somehow, Misato felt weird hearing them come from this tiny Shinji's mouth.   
Why?   
"Maybe because I'm just not used to seeing you so young, Shinji," she laughed.   
No, that wasn't it.   
It was because... the sounds were sounds of pure, unaffected blissful joy. And she had never seen Shinji in this state before. Not the Shinji that Misato knew. It was sad, really...   
"I never knew you could be so happy, Shinji..." This was a side of him she had never seen. "So this was what you were like before? Before... you began to pilot EVA? No--"   
She shook her head. Even before that. Before she'd first met him, when she'd first drove up to that solemn, serious boy in her car that day.   
"...when you were a child? Shinji, were you this happy once?   
"Gouuougogaah!" The boy nodded his head as if in agreement.   
Misato had never tried to imagine her teenage charges as children. In fact, she had stopped thinking of them as children a long time ago. To her, the three EVA pilots were mini-adults, dealing with problems and challenges that many people twice their age wouldn't even have to think about in a lifetime. Yet this wonderful, tiny miracle in front of her seemed too innocent, too uncorrupted. She thought of all that Shinji had gone through. Then she imagined the baby in front of her growing up and living the exact same experiences.   
She shuddered and drew her hand back sharply.   
The baby's eyes widened in protest, and his small jaw began to drop. The tiny pink tongue lolled out limply. Misato could see the tips of two white teeth beginning to come through his gums. Then, the baby took a deep, shuddering breath.   
Misato realised what was about to happen, and panicked.   
"Uh, Shinji, please don't--"   
"WWWAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
A long wail echoed down the corridor. Misato ducked her head out, apologized in embarrassment, receiving cold stares from a few of the nurses, and tried to think of a way to make Shinji shut up.   
"Shinji. Shinji. Shinji!! Oh, don't cry, please, oh--"   
She stuck her fingers into her ears and began to make funny faces at him.   
"See here--"   
Another funny face.   
"--and here--"   
Another one.   
"--gnand dhere--"   
Clap clap.   
"Woo hee!"   
Stomp stomp.   
"Lah lah!"   
Clappity clap.   
"Boo hoo!"   
"WAaaaaaaaAAAAAhhhhh..." continued Shinji.   
It was then that a very surprised Ritsuko walked onto the scene to see her best friend performing immature expressions in front of Shinji, who was obviously ignoring her.   
"So this is what all the noise is about," the scientist shouted above the din. "I'm gone for only a few minutes and this is the result. Can you be trusted with anything, Misato? How did you manage to make him cry like this?!"   
"Hey! It's not my fault! He just started crying! I didn't do anything!"   
In an effort to quiet the boy down, Misato stuck his finger into his mouth again. The boy stopped crying at once and resumed his sucking.   
"MISATO!" Ritsuko was horrified. "Get your filthy finger out of his mouth at once! Do you have any idea how many germs you are introducing into Shinji's body? He's just a baby!"   
She quickly reached over and jerked Misato's finger away from Shinji's head. Before Shinji could started to bawl again, Ritsuko hastily slipped a pacifier into his mouth.   
"There, that ought to do it," she said, relieved. "It's sterilized," she added. "That's one of the things I left to get."   
Misato shrugged, partly out of embarrassment and partly out of relief.   
"So now what? What are the test results, Ritsuko? Is this really Shinji?"   
"Either that or a clone. The DNA matches perfectly."   
"A clone?"   
The Doctor nodded.   
"A copy," she briefly explained, just in case her friend actually didn't know what a clone was. "But I doubt it's the case here. The brainwave scans didn't match those of a normal child and there was many similarities to Shinji's brainwaves. I believe that, except for the body, this is the same Shinji we knew before he was absorbed into Unit-01."   
So this was Shinji. Her Shinji. He wasn't dead! Yet... she didn't feel completely happy about the news. It was Shinji... yet it wasn't...   
"So... does he... remember anything?"   
"Probably not. His memories are probably dormant in his subconscious. But they are there, inside," answered Ritsuko, tapping her finger very lightly on the child's head. "He seemed to recognize us after all."   
Misato took the time to absorb this information. Shinji was trapped... inside a child's body.   
"Any plans to fix that?" she asked, hoping for a positive answer.   
"A simple one. We make him grow."   
Misato gasped.   
"Make him grow?! What kind of a plan is that? Shinji's not a plant! He won't grow just by pouring water on him!"   
Ritsuko sighed. This infuriated Misato even further. However, unlike a certain redheaded pilot, she gave her friend the time to explain herself.   
"You know that we already can regenerate injuries sustained by the EVAs and even re-grow missing limbs. The technology we use can be adapted to the artificial growth of a human being. In fact, we already have a template we can use for this operation."   
"A template?"   
"Don't ask."   
The Major gritted her teeth. Was that another of NERV's secrets?   
"Very well... what are the probabilities that this experiment will work _this time_?"   
"They are very good. If I can convince Commander Ikari that a maturation time of three weeks is more advisable then two weeks, then this operation will have a 90% chance of success."   
Misato felt more and more hopeful. A 90% chance was good.   
"When can it be done?" she asked, trying not to sound too eager.   
"As soon as the equipment is ready and adapted to Shinji's situation. It'll take two weeks."   
"So, Shinji will be out of the pilot roster for five weeks..."   
Ritsuko nodded. Five weeks. That was a lot of time. But at least, it was better then having to grow up all over again.   
"It's a good thing Unit-01 is currently under freeze," said the Doctor. "It gives us more time to work."   
"And the Commander won't be tempted to put the baby through synch tests," Misato nearly added. "So... what do we do with Shinji for the next two weeks?"   
"Here."   
From a large duffel bag Misato had noticed in the Doctor's arms as she had entered the room, Ritsuko pulled a book and handed it to the purple haired woman. Misato blinked in confusion, before taking a better look at the book. She gasped as she read the title.   
"What the...! 'Babies for Dummies'... you don't mean...? You... you don't expect me to...? No way!"   
"You'll need this," replied Ritsuko as she ignored her friend's objections and handed her the bag. "Everything you'll need is inside. Milk solution, bottles, a pacifier, spare baby clothes, toys, diapers... you'll need to buy more of milk and diapers of course."   
Misato couldn't believe what she was hearing. This couldn't be happening... it had to be a dream!   
"What?! You don't expect me to take care of him?!"   
"You are his legal guardian," Ritsuko coldly pointed out.   
"But... but... but... I have work to do! I can't take care of a baby!"   
"Not anymore. From this moment, you're on a leave of absence, by Commander Ikari's orders. You are to report to NERV only in case of an emergency."   
Oh God! It was a nightmare!   
"But... why not Maya?"   
"I need her if we want to get Shinji back to normal as soon as possible."   
"But... but... but..."   
Obviously, Ritsuko had planned everything. As she realized that she was completely trapped, Misato silently cursed her friend.   
"Oh, one more thing... try to remember that babies don't drink beer."   
"Ritsuko!"   
"Seriously, Misato... Shinji is depending on you now... don't let him down..."   
"I won't!"   
Ritsuko smiled.   
"Good. And between you and me, that's why you were chosen for this job."   
Misato sighed. Something was telling her that the next weeks would be hard ones. The she looked at Shinji. The baby noticed that he was the object of her attention and smiled widely.   
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.   
Taking advantage of the fact that her friend was distracted, Ritsuko silently made her way towards the door.   
"I'll be giving you news as soon as I can..."   
"Uh? Hey! Wait!"   
Too late, as the Doctor was already gone. Misato sighed again. She had hoped that Ritsuko would at least help with the first night.   
"Guess it's just you and me..." she said to the baby, as she picked him up.   
"Gaaa hoo!" was Shinji's reply, as he took a handful of purple hair and pulled.   
"EEK!!!"   
"WAaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHH..."   
  


- - -

Misato took a few moments to assess her current situation.   
Her hair was now more or less out of the baby's reach, tied up in a ponytail behind her back.   
The duffel bag of baby stuff was secure on her side, under her left arm.   
Shinji was cradled in her arms, where he was now sleeping. And drooling on her NERV jacket.   
Yuck!   
"You'll have to clean that when you're older..." thought the Major, before chuckling to herself lightly.   
Realizing that she was now as ready as she would ever be, Misato prepared herself to face her first challenge. Opening the room door without waking Shinji up. Which was not an easy task, if one considered that her hands were full of five months old baby.   
"Think, Misato, think..."   
It did not take long to formulate a plan. After all, she was the one person who could always manage to come up in-extremis with some sort of plan to fight the Angels. Well, this wasn't totally accurate, as Ritsuko and even Kaji had helped at some times...   
Misato simply pushed the room call button.   
Knowing that this was the room where baby Shinji had slept, although none of them knew the real identity of the baby, one of the nurses answered in a matter of seconds. Urging the worried nurse to keep quiet with a 'shush', Misato escaped through the opened door.   
"Oy! Major Katsuragi!"   
Familiar voices. Misato turned around to see Shinji's two friends, Aida Kensuke and Suzuhara Touji. Suzuhara was seated in a wheelchair, while Aida was pushing him in her direction. While the boy looked physically better, as well as one missing an arm and a leg could, Misato noted that Suzuhara sported a rather grim expression. Aida, however, was smiling very widely. Mentally, Misato prayed that the boy with glasses wouldn't _again_ ask her to consider him as an EVA pilot candidate. The timing would be really bad.   
"Aida-kun. Suzuhara-kun," acknowledged Misato, in a tone in-between a friendly one and a business one.   
For a moment, Misato considered asking the usual 'How are you?' question, but decided otherwise. Considering Touji's condition, it would have been awkward. Not that she didn't feel that way already...   
"What are you two doing?"   
"Well, I'm taking Touji outside for some fresh air," answered Aida. "Can't let the poor guy be trapped here forever."   
"Oh? And how did you manage to get in here anyway?"   
"Asked my dad if he could manage to get me a special permission. Say... isn't that a baby in your arms?"   
Misato cringed. With the sight of Touji, she had completely forgotten about Shinji.   
"Ah... well... yes... it's... a baby. Someone... someone asked me to take care of him for a while. Yeah. Cute, isn't he?"   
As far as she knew, men were not very interested in cute babies, so she hoped that they would simply drop the subject.   
"You know... this baby looks awfully lot like Shinji..."   
Misato didn't know what surprised her the most. The fact that Touji had actually spoke, although not really to her, or the fact that he had actually noticed the resemblance between the baby and his friend.   
"Oh my god! Could that be... THE MAJOR AND SHINJI'S LOVE CHILD!?"   
That outburst from the military otaku drew every look toward them. Misato felt herself becoming smaller and smaller, until anger won the war against embarrassment.   
"NO! This is NOT MY CHILD! And I certainly wouldn't do such a thing with Shinji! Watch your mouth Aida!"   
"So... sorry..."   
The boy looked stunned. Misato immediately regretted her words. At least the baby was apparently sleeping soundly enough not to have been waken up.   
"No. I... I'm the one who's sorry. The last days have been... stressful. I didn't mean to snap like that."   
"It's okay Major. You can shoot at me anytime you want! Especially if you have orders to give!"   
Both Touji and Misato sighed, then noticing each other reaction, laughed, although Misato's laugh was more joyful than Touji's.   
"So, Misato. How's Shinji lately?" asked Suzuhara. "I haven't seen him since... you know..."   
A heavy silence fell over the trio. It was a delicate subject none of them liked to mentioned. The Thirteenth Angel. Misato felt even more uneasy as she couldn't tell them about Shinji. These were his friends, but that kind of information had to remain confidential.   
"He's... he's fine. Don't worry. He suffered some... injuries... after the Fourteenth Angel attack. But nothing too serious. He'll be fine. We just had to... send him to another Branch... on an assignment. Yeah! You'll probably see him in a few weeks."   
Misato felt really bad about lying to them, but it was for the best.   
"I see."   
"He's really sorry, you know. About..."   
She found herself unable to say the next words.   
"I'm sorry too."   
Touji nodded.   
"It's okay, Misato. No one's fault but the Angels. Just... just do me a favor and kill all those bastards for me."   
So much restrained anger...   
"I swear we will."   
"Good. Well, we kept her long enough, Kensuke. Let's go."   
Kensuke blinked a few times. He hadn't imagined that this conversation would get this tense.   
"Oh... yeah... later Major!"   
The major watched the two teens leave, one pushing the other's wheelchair. So strong for someone so young. She didn't know how she would have handled herself, if she had been in the boy's place. She shuddered just thinking about it.   
She knew that war always had its share of victims, but she couldn't help thinking how unfair things were.   
  


- - -

"This could be a problem."   
In her mind, Misato had come up with the perfect plan: take advantage of the fact that Shinji was asleep and head directly home. But now she realized the fatal flaw of her plan: she hadn't expected Shinji to stir the moment she'd put him on the passenger seat of her car. And to think she had been extra careful not to make any noise or make any sudden moves as she opened the door and put him on the seat. So, now, instead of being dead asleep, Shinji was rather wide awake.   
"Now, Shinji," said Misato as she picked up the baby, which giggled in delight. "I'm gonna be driving, so I can't hold you. Will you stay put on that seat while I drive?"   
"Bouahh."   
Misato took that as a yes.   
As Misato put him again on the seat, Shinji stared blankly at Misato for a few seconds. Then, as Misato slid her key into the ignition, she felt something grab her skirt. She looked down to see Shinji trying to climb on her legs.   
"You can't do that!"   
Picking him up again, she put him back on the passenger seat.   
"You stay there, understand?"   
The baby giggled. Misato nodded. Good, he had understood.   
Or at least she thought he had before she stopped him in-extremis from falling off the seat.   
"This won't work."   
For a moment, Misato considered putting Shinji on the back seat of the car. It wouldn't do either, Shinji could still fall. On the car's floor? She shook her head, as she noticed just how dirty the carpet of her car was.   
"Guess this car is overdue for some cleaning..." thought Misato with a sigh.   
For a moment, Misato eyed the passenger's side seat belt. But she rejected the idea, as it was too dangerous. She would never forgive herself if it strangled Shinji. The she noticed a roll of duck tape on the floor, between two empty cans of beer. What if she taped him on the seat? While tempting, she chased the idea out of her mind. She couldn't do that to Shinji. And it was plain too irresponsible. Even for her.   
Now she understood why they sold those baby seats for cars... which of course Ritsuko hadn't provided her with. Meaning there was really only one responsible course of action for her.   
Misato groaned at the thought.   
  


- - -

"I hate this."   
For the first time since her arrival in Tokyo-3, Misato experienced the 'joy' of public transport. The streetcar was slow, it was noisy, and while not overcrowded at this hour, the looks she got from the few people riding it were making her feel uncomfortable. Misato's only relief was that she could at least sit down. Carrying Shinji around, as well as Ritsuko's bag, was putting a strain on her muscles.   
"Bet my back will hurt like hell tonight," Misato thought sourly.   
At least she wasn't stuck riding that thing every time she had to go to NERV like Shinji and Asuka.   
Shinji...   
She looked at him, sleeping soundly on her legs, wrapped inside her NERV jacket. Figured he would sleep now that she had given up trying to go home by car. He had probably remembered that streetcar rides were awfully boring. She wasn't sure that it was necessary to cover him with her jacket, after all it was a sunny day, but the wind was a bit cold, so she had preferred not to take any chances. She let out a sigh. It had barely started and already it had been an awful lot of trouble.   
But as she looked at Shinji sleeping peacefully... it might just have been worth it.   
Figuring that she should follow Shinji's example, Misato closed her eyes and tried to relax. Relaxation. It was a strange concept. Something she would never had consider doing at this time of the day, especially while being sober.   
It was something she could get used to.   
Just when Misato thought things weren't so bad... it got worse.   
"WAaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHH..."   
Her eyes snapped open, to see Shinji crying.   
"Shinji? Shinji? What's wrong?"   
She had her answer as the smell hit her. Hard. For a moment, she was glad she only had a cup of coffee for breakfast.   
"My God! What did those nurses feed you with?"   
"WAAAHHHH..." was the only answer she got.   
Various groans told her that the other passengers of the streetcar were not enjoying the smell either. Most of them got up and went to the opposite side of the streetcar, even if it meant standing up. Misato felt as if she would die of embarrassment. If she could, she would have crawled under her seat. Angel attacks she could handle, but this... she didn't even know what to do...   
Fortunately, an elderly lady took pity on her and asked her if she had any diapers with her.   
And so began Misato's journey into motherhood, as well as her first crash course in diaper changing.   


[To be continued...]   
  
  


Omake/Extra (by Godsend777): 

He had been dressed in a sky-blue two-piece baby suit. It looked sweetly in place on him. Everything about him just seemed so _tiny_. His feet were small and active, wildly kicking at the air as he lay on his back. Idly, she wondered if he was so tiny all over. She giggled a little at the thought. Toothpicks may have described it once, but when she has seen him a few times before he woke up...   
She chased the thought out of her mind. Grown women should not think such things about young boys.   
But she was curious. Too curious. So damn curious...   
Her question was answered when Shinji, who had somehow managed to wrangle free of the bottom half of his baby clothes, lay on his back exposing himself to the world.   
"Wow," Misato said aloud. "Guess not all of you shrank."   
  
  


Author's notes: 

This idea came to me thanks to one of my readers. You can get some nice stuff from readers. They can send you side stories, fan art, various info, stories to pre-read... One day, a nice fellow (Chaos Dragon) sent me a scan from the latest EVA doujinshi he bought at EBay. It was a scan from a story where Shinji, Asuka and Misato basically got reverted to a younger state (Misato ends up around 12 while Shinji and Asuka end up as babies) thanks to an experimentation by Ritsuko. I found the scan I received to be awfully cute and as I looked at it... an idea started to take form in my head. This is the end result. 

   [1]: mailto:rakna@globetrotter.qc.ca
   [2]: mailto:gaurry_gabriev@yahoo.com



	2. Chapter 2 Trials of Motherhood

**Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters**   
  
Written by [Alain Gravel][1]

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX   
Started on November 16th 1999   
First pre-reader draft finished on April 3rd 2000   
Second pre-reader draft finished on April 10th 2000   
Final draft finished on June 13th 2000   
  


* * *

  


Chapter 2 - Trials of Motherhood

"I'm home."   
There was, of course, no one to answer her in the empty apartment. Not even half of the morning had gone by, so Asuka was still in school. And she was currently holding Shinji in her arms.   
"Wark!"   
The penguin was giving her a quizzical look. He wasn't used to seeing his mistress back this early. And what was she holding in her arms? It looked like... a mini-human, like those he had seen on TV. He suddenly had a feeling of impending doom.   
"Hi! Pen-pen! Missed me already?"   
"Wark!"   
"Listen Pen-pen. This baby is actually Shinji. Since he's a baby now, he's very weak and fragile. So, whatever he does, don't do anything that could hurt him, understand?"   
The penguin nodded and let out another 'wark'. Even after all the time she had owned him, she still marveled at how intelligent he was.   
"Good."   
Letting Ritsuko's duffel bag fall on the floor, she held Shinji in one hand and pet the bird's head with the other.   
Through force of habit, Misato removed her shoes and walked toward the kitchen. Without much thought, Misato put Shinji on the kitchen table and opened the fridge, taking out a beer from what people called her 'unlimited supply' (little did they know that such quantity actually only barely lasted over a week). With a swift flick of a finger the can was opened, and it would have made its way to her lips had she not suddenly noticed that Shinji was awake again and how intently he looked at her. His eyes no longer had an innocent look, but were rather stern, his gaze fixed toward her, as if he was looking right through her and directly into her soul. The kind of gaze that was more characteristic of Shinji's co-worker and fellow pilot, Ayanami Rei. It took her a moment to realize that because of the way she was holding her can, all its contents was slowly pouring over her chest and onto the floor.   
"Eek! Oh, dammit!"   
Misato calmed down, however, as the situation suddenly dawned on her. She had been handled the responsibility of a child, a baby whose survival depended on her, and here she was about to get herself drunk even before lunch time. As the realization hit her, the beer slipped from her suddenly nerveless fingers, hitting the floor and spilling out the remainder of its contents. Misato almost fell herself, her knees feeling weak, but she struggled to stay up.   
Was she this bad? Had she reached a point where she couldn't even face life without alcohol? When was the last time she actually skipped drinking for just one day.   
She couldn't remember.   
This, along with the fact that she had almost failed Shinji, scared her to the very core of her being.   
"Shinji!"   
The purple-haired woman picked up the baby and finally let herself slowly slump on the floor.   
"I'm sorry Shinji! I'm so sorry..."   
And she cried.   
  


- - -

Unknowingly, Shinji and Pen-pen did their best to cheer up Misato. Misato's sobs were abruptly interrupted as Shinji, who had slowly crawled up her chest, grabbed one of her cheeks in one of those small vice-grip holds that only babies can manage. Misato's following yelp alarmed Pen-pen, who bolted (as fast a penguin can) to the rescue of his mistress... only to slip on spilled beer. Misato yelped again, this time even louder, as Pen-pen's beak hit one of her legs. The yelp upset Shinji, who in turn started crying. Misato helped Pen-pen to get back on his feet, then tried to calm Shinji down.   
"It's okay Shinji. See, Misato is all right..."   
Pen-pen stared at the beer on the floor. For a moment, he regretted not being a dog. It was a shame to waste good beer. Pen-pen then looked at the two humans. His mistress smiled widely, and then stuck her tongue out towards the baby, as she called it, which she was holding in the air just in front of her face. A pretty dumb move, as the little human suddenly grabbed a fist full of tongue.   
"Hesh! Donsh do tash!"   
The baby giggled at the sound Misato was making and grabbed her tongue with both hands.   
"Eshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"   
Pen-pen sighed, as he watched the woman squirm and try to pull the baby off, only managing to inflict more pain to herself.   
"WARK!"   
That caught the baby's attention. Turning toward the warm water bird, the baby's eyes lit up with delight.   
"Gaaaaahh!   
His little hands let go of Misato's tongue and tried to reach toward the penguin. Seeing that his job was done, Pen-pen waddled towards his refrigerator for a well deserved rest.   
Soon followed by more noise from the two humans.   
"Waaaaaahhhhhh!"   
"Shinji... please... Ark! Don't do that! Let go!"   
This time, the penguin decided to ignore them.   
  
  


- - -

Standing in front of her mirror, Misato went through the old ritual of removing her bra. Shinji was on her bed, trying to hide himself under her discarded skirt. Her chest now free of the restraining piece of lingerie, Misato slowly traced her scar with her finger. From the base of her left breast down to her stomach, one inch over her navel. A reminder of why she fought the Angels. So ugly. She couldn't understand why it didn't disgust men. But then again, only one man had seen this scar.   
Kaji... did he really love her, or was he just using her?   
And what were her feelings for him? Her head and her heart seemed to have different opinions on the matter. What they had done the night before only added to the confusion. But it had been so damn good! She chased the thought away. Now was not the time to think about that.   
Here she was, standing, only wearing her panties, and she was still reeking with the smell of beer. She had to take a bath. Looking in the mirror, she noticed that Shinji had lost interest in her skirt. Her heart leaped in her chest as she noticed he was crawling on all fours, right toward her gun. In a second, she had the baby in one hand and the gun in another. It was still in its holster and the safety was on, but still...   
"What do you think you were doing?"   
"Gaaah..."   
"These things are dangerous. Responsible people should store these away from small children."   
She pulled open one of the higher drawers, too high for a baby to reach, and then put the gun in.   
"There. Safe now. What do you know, maybe you'll make a responsible adult out of me..."   
"Gaaah..."   
Misato suddenly stiffened, as she felt the baby's small fingers touch her stomach. She felt his tiny palms on the smooth surface of her skin, to then move to the rougher scarred regions. The baby jerked his hands away, as if surprised by the change in sensation.   
"So, you think it's weird and ugly too, uh?"   
To her surprise, the baby giggled as he touched the scar again, letting his little hands roam over it. Shock appeared on Misato's face. She remembered how much will it had taken not to look disturbed by the way Asuka had looked at it, back at the hot springs near Mount Asama, a mixture of curiosity and disgust in her eyes. She remembered the expression on Kaji's face the first time he saw it. Oh, he told her afterward that she was very beautiful, and she felt he had meant it, but she could never forget that first look on his face. And yet... this little child didn't seem perturbed by it. In fact, judging by the way he was touching it, he seemed to like the way it felt. So she let him touch her, until his little hands wandered up to her breast.   
"That's far enough for you, little man. If I didn't know better, I'd think that Asuka was right about you being a pervert."   
The baby gave her a blank look, before giggling again, wiggling in her outstretched arms. Misato smiled at the sight of such blissful joy.   
"Come. Auntie Misato needs to take a bath and something tells me I can't leave you alone here."   
  


- - -

"Now, you'd better not look, okay?" said Misato as she put the baby on the floor, his head facing the opposite direction of where she was standing.   
Not wanting the only set of clothes she had for Shinji to get wet, she had undressed him, leaving him only in diapers. Having gotten rid of any objects she thought he could get hurt with, and making sure that the bathroom door was closed, she figured that Shinji should be safe from trouble for at least a few minutes.   
Quickly removing her panties, the purple haired woman slipped into the bath. With a sigh of delight, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of the warm water on her skin. As she opened her eyes, she saw Shinji waddling toward her.   
"Didn't I tell you not to look?"   
As if he wanted to contradict her, Shinji sat down and stared at her.   
"You're just gonna sit there and stare at me, aren't you?"   
Though she half expected it, Shinji didn't answer. At some moments, she had been convinced that Shinji was more aware of his surroundings then a normal baby. But maybe she had been mistaken. Maybe some of his earlier actions, such as apparently recognizing her and Ritsuko, were just coincidence and in truth actions of a small infant, and not a manifestation of his "past self".   
"You know, you better not remember any of this," Misato finally said as she picked up a bar of soap and started scrubbing.   
  


- - -

Feeling refreshed and somewhat more energetic, Misato walked toward her room, a towel around her body and another on her head. Putting Shinji back on her bed, she vigorously dried her head, then, after choosing a clean pair of undies, looked through the mess on her floor for her favorite T-shirt and shorts. The difficulty of the task made her realize something quite embarrassing: her room was a dump. In fact, as she picked up Shinji in her arm, she realized that the rest of the apartment wasn't any better. Empty beer cans and instant food packages could be seen everywhere in the kitchen: on the floor, on the fridge, on the table. Everywhere except in the trash. Dishes were piling up. The floor looked like it hadn't been swept in weeks. Entering the living room, she noticed the rather thick layer of dust on the TV and in the corners of the room. She also noticed a number or discarded empty food packages as well as... a pair of panties? A quick look confirmed that these were hers, which was very embarrassing as she had no idea how they ended up there. She could vaguely remember a movie, two weeks ago...   
"I can't even remember if Asuka was here at the time. Whatever happened, I hope she didn't see it..."   
Thinking of Asuka, she took a look in the girl's room. Better than hers, but only a bit.   
Each room she visited left her with the same impression: this place was a mess.   
With one exception. Shinji's room.   
Sure, there was a bit of dust here and there, but it was understandable since Shinji had been away for more than a month. The fact that it was so clean, especially if she considered what Shinji went through before the Fourteenth Angel attack... it was very humbling. Asuka had often called Shinji a wimp for doing everything around the apartment. A "house-broken male" she had said once, if her memory was correct. But looking at her apartment... there was no denying the amount of effort Shinji had to invest here. Cleaning. Washing their clothes. Taking the trash out. Cooking. Misato suddenly felt very small.   
"I'm sorry Shinji. I haven't been much of a guardian so far, have I? I gave you a home, but have I ever listened to your needs? All you wanted was a place where you could have some peace and quiet, as well as perhaps a friend. I couldn't help you when you were feeling depressed. I spent more time drinking myself into oblivion than trying to spend time with you. I've given almost all of the chores to you, without even trying to make your life any easier. Asuka and I imposed our life styles on you. I was supposed to be the responsible one here... but you probably were much more responsible than me."   
The baby hadn't apparently heard any of this. Or if he did, he didn't react to her words.   
"Well, that's gonna change! I swear that I'll make some efforts from now on. You'll see!"   
This new resolution taken, Misato started making plans.   
  


- - -

Getting a phone call in Central Command usually meant business. So Hyuuga Makoto didn't waste any time answering. He was quite surprised at the voice he heard on the other side of the phone.   
"Hello Makoto!"   
"Major?! What... what can I do for you?"   
Being one of the bridge officers, Makoto knew all about the 'incident' Shinji had been involved in and how Misato had been ordered to take care of him until the situation could be resolved. So getting a call from her was a bit worrisome. The tone of her voice, however, seemed very joyful. This didn't fit well with the rumors of how badly she had taken this assignment.   
"Plenty actually. You see, I'm pretty much stuck here with Shinji and I'm lacking a few things. So I need you to do some shopping for me."   
"Shopping?"   
This was definitely not the help he expected her to need.   
She couldn't be out of beer yet, could she?   
"Yeah. Here's a list of what I need. A baby stroller. A crib. A playpen. I can't risk having Shinji wandering all around the apartment. And a baby car seat too. Speaking of cars, why don't you use mine? That way you can bring it back here. You'll find a key under the driver's seat. I'll probably need diapers too... and while you're at it, why don't you get me a few groceries?"   
Makoto gulped. She wanted him to buy _that_. He could already see the odd looks the cashiers would give him and he could hear the jokes Shigeru would make about all this.   
"But... but... I can't leave work like this!"   
"It's okay... I _order_ you to get all those things for me."   
So much for that way to escape...   
"That'll cost a fortune!"   
"Just put it on NERV's credit. After all, it was the Commander who ordered me to take care of Shinji. And these are necessary accessories for this task."   
"But... I don't know a thing about babies!"   
It was a desperate attempt, Makoto knew it, but that didn't mean he couldn't try.   
"Just like me. Just ask those sales people, they'll help. Besides, I don't care about the look or style, just as long as it's safe and functional. I'm sure you can find that. I couldn't think of anyone I could trust more than you."   
For a moment, that comment eclipsed all previous thoughts. So he answered before he even realized he said it.   
"Yes Sir!"   
"Good boy! Later!"   
For some time, Makoto didn't move, not putting the phone down. How was he going to explain this without being unmercifully teased by Shigeru? At least Maya was with Doctor Akagi...   
Oh well. at least he would be humiliated helping Misato. It was worth it.   
Now to find someone to replace him for a few hours...   
  


- - -

"Well... here goes I guess."   
Makoto had often visited Misato's apartment. After all, the Major was famous for her parties. This, however, would be the first time he would be there with her... alone. The thought was enough to make him nervous. Letting his mind wander, imagining all sorts of possibilities, even if most were improbable, made it even worse.   
And so, Makoto pushed the electronic doorbell.   
"I'll be there in a minute!" he heard Misato yell behind the door.   
He didn't know if he should have been happy or not for this little wait. Still, the wait was short and the door opened. Makoto almost dropped the grocery bags he was holding. Misato was standing there, wearing low cut shorts, which showed off her very nice legs, and holding a small baby in her arms, which was no doubt Shinji, which she was currently feeding a bottle of milk. Conflicting emotions ran through Makoto. Part of him found her extremely sexy, while another part felt somewhat touched by the maternal air Misato was showing.   
She smiled at him, a small and serene sort of smile. Not a sexy smile, but one that made it hard to stand nonetheless.   
"Beautiful..." thought Makoto.   
"Come in."   
The NERV officer nodded and followed Misato inside. The state of the apartment brought him somehow back to reality. "This place is messier then my own place," was the first thought that came to his mind.   
"Yeah, I know, it's terrible," admitted Misato, as if she had read his mind. "I wanted to work on it after the delivery guys brought all the stuff here, but Shinji was hungry, so I had to take care of him first. The kitchen is even worse, I messed up the first few times I tried to prepare his baby's bottle. But he seems to enjoy it now."   
True enough, Shinji had almost finished his bottle. They walked in the living room, where all the things Misato had asked for had apparently been put. It was all even set up. Knowing Misato, she had probably used her charm on the delivery guys to get them to do the job.   
"Thanks, by the way. You were most helpful."   
"Hah! It's all right, Major..."   
Picking up an opened book from the floor, Misato read a few passages, then put it back. Curious, Makoto took a look at the book. He almost laughed as he read the title: 'Babies for Dummies'.   
"Hey! Don't laugh! I'll have you know that this book is very handy!"   
Taking away the bottle from Shinji, Misato then held the baby the way it had been indicated in the book and tried to make him burp.   
"How cute!" she said as she achieved the expected result. "Guess you'll be able to get a good sleep now," she added as she delicately put the baby in her newly bought crib. The baby did seem tired, as he was soon fast asleep.   
"Wow... hard to believe it's Shinji," commented Makoto, as both of them watched the baby sleep peacefully.   
The situation was so strange. Today, Misato seemed completely different. He was seeing a side of her he never imagined could exist. And part of him longed to see it every day. Coming home from work every day, being greeted by his loving wife Misato and their children. An absurd fantasy, but a sweet one.   
"Yeah. Even now, I sometimes wonder if I won't wake up and realize that this is all a dream... or a nightmare. I'm not sure which."   
As she turned toward him, Makoto gulped. He hadn't noticed earlier, since she had been holding the baby in her arms, but Misato was wearing an old T-shirt that had probably seen better days... years ago. The worn out material was thin enough and showed enough cleavage to clearly indicate she wore no bra underneath. Makoto tried not to stare, and instead tried to remind himself that the woman before him was his superior officer.   
It worked more or less, as fantasies of a little family were replaced by others of a different kind. At least, Misato didn't seem to notice.   
"Is there anything else I can do for you Major?"   
The situation was perhaps uncomfortable, but it sure beat being at NERV. And... perhaps... if he had enough time... he could find the courage to tell her how he felt...   
"Well..." unconsciously, Makoto shivered as he noticed the increasing predatory grin on Misato's face. "There's so much cleaning to do here... I'll never manage to do it all by myself..."   
"I guess... I could help."   
He just hoped Misato wouldn't talk about that later.   
  


- - -

Sohryu Asuka Langley was in a bad mood. Well, a good number of her classmates would say that Asuka was _always_ in a bad mood, but this time, it was worse then usual. Nothing had gone right today. Sure, it had seemed like it would be a good day at first. After all, none of the Three Stooges had been at school. But things quickly turned downhill.   
Their regular teacher had been sick all week, and today their substitute teacher had the 'brilliant' idea to give them a surprise test. Unable to read most of the questions, Asuka had failed miserably.   
Then, at lunchtime, Asuka realized that she had forgotten her lunch back at the apartment, which forced her to buy food from the school cafeteria. Anybody who's eaten school cafeteria food knows how bad _that_ is. To make matters worse, Hikari joined her for lunch and kept talking about Touji non-stop. While Asuka showed that she had a heart in letting Hikari express her worries about the boy she liked, hearing about him was the last thing she wanted. What Hikari saw in that dumb jock, she couldn't figure.   
Her day seemed to improve in the afternoon thanks to PE class. In swim class, she got the best time, which attracted her all her classmates' attention and admiration. That was, until everybody heard the teacher say that Rei had beaten her by a whole five seconds. As usual, nobody had paid attention to the blue haired girl, so no one except the teacher had noticed her. In a matter of seconds, all the attention switched from Asuka to Rei. And to add to the injury, Rei answered the girls' questions, as if she actually seemed to enjoy talking about swimming. But of course, that couldn't be true. This girl was, after all, emotionless. Still, the thought that this doll had bested her... it infuriated Asuka to no end.   
To add to an already rotten day, back in regular class, one of those stupid boys actually had the nerve to ask her out. Her anger having reached dangerous levels already, Asuka finally snapped and slapped him hard enough to send him on the floor. Because of that, she was forced to hold buckets in the hall for the rest of the day.   
And now, she would have to face Misato. Misato who hadn't slept at the apartment the night before. Asuka had no illusions of where her "guardian" had slept. A new surge of jealousy at the thought did not help her mood at all.   
At least, it had spared her from seeing her get drunk to drown her worries about her dear Shinji-kun.   
"I hate this place. I hate her. I hate him. I hate them all. I hate my life."   
As she entered the apartment, Asuka didn't bother with announcing her arrival. Stupid Japanese custom. This wasn't _her_ home anyway.   
A number of things immediately struck her as odd. As far as she could remember, she had never seen the apartment look so clean. She could almost see her reflection on the floor. And the smell of cooking hit her. Which could only mean one thing. Shinji was back. She cringed at the thought of seeing him. Not only had he beaten an Angel which gave her a humiliating defeat, but he had gotten a synch ratio she could never hope to equal, much less beat. Sure, he had gotten himself sucked in his EVA as a result, but she was still envious of him, and that thought alone infuriated her. Her! Envious of _him_. She clenched her fists and stepped into the kitchen. That jerk was going to be so sorry for that...   
She stopped dead in her track at the sight before her. Misato was in the kitchen. Wearing an apron. Cooking. Something that didn't look like instant and which actually smelled edible.   
Hearing footsteps, Misato turned around and noticed her other ward. She gave the redhead a big, cheery smile.   
"I didn't hear you come in. Welcome back, Asuka-chan!"   
Asuka's jaw dropped and she stared at the purple haired woman as if lobsters were crawling out of her ears. Misato was cooking. She seemed to be enjoying it. And she didn't look drunk one bit. Being pulled into a hug just added to her state of shock. And the worse was... it actually felt good. All of the earlier events of the day seemed to be suddenly forgotten. Until she realized that she was returning the hug... and how intimate this all was. She quickly broke the embrace.   
"Don't you dare! Don't you dare ever do that again!"   
"Asuka... please... don't scream..."   
In her state of mind, Asuka didn't notice the slight panicked look on Misato's face.   
"The hell I won't!"   
"WWWAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
"Oh shit! Look at what you've done! And it was going so well..."   
Asuka froze. That noise... this wasn't what she thought it was, was it? No, that couldn't be...   
In a semi daze, she followed Misato and finally took notice of all the baby utilities in the living room. "Mein Gott!" she thought, "When did this place become a nursery?" She watched Misato bend over a crib, which seemed the source of the noise, and pick up a baby in her arms. A real live baby.   
"Shushhh... it's okay... nothing's wrong. Asuka was just a bit excited. She won't do it again. Will you Asuka?"   
The girl just couldn't believe her eyes. Had aliens landed and taken over Tokyo-3?   
She just nodded dumbly.   
"See. You don't have to cry anymore."   
As if he had understood, the baby actually calmed down. This was too strange.   
"What... what's that?"   
"Well, a baby of course."   
"I know it's a baby! What is it doing here?!"   
"Now, Asuka... don't scream. If you don't calm down first, I won't tell you."   
The girl clutched her first and took heavy breaths.   
"I. Am. Calm."   
Misato didn't really seem to believe her, but there wasn't much she could do about that.   
"Maybe you're better sit down."   
"I'll be fine as I am."   
"Okay," said Misato with a shrug. "Well... how to say this? Hum... Asuka... this baby... this baby is really... Shinji."   
Asuka frowned.   
"What kind of crap are you trying to pull? This thing... Shinji! Gimme a break!"   
Misato just took the baby and showed him to Asuka.   
"It _is_ Shinji. You see, there was an accident in the recovery attempt. You're seeing the end result."   
For a moment Asuka stared at the baby. It looked... somehow... familiar. And those dark blue eyes...   
"Shinji?"   
"Gaahh," answered the baby cheerfully, apparently recognizing his name.   
Asuka fainted and fell heavily on the floor.   
"Well, that went better than expected," commented Misato as she went to fetch some smelling salts.   
  


- - -

"Why me?" Makoto moaned, as he tried to fight the fatigue that threatened to overcome him.   
Already, the absence of Maya had shown in the daily work. Enough for Shigeru and Makoto to barely manage to cover for it in regular working hours. This might not have been a problem on any other day; however, having spent most of the day at Misato's, Makoto had to catch up on what he had neglected to do, which meant an extra shift. And earlier events had drained him mentally and physically. Misato had asked him to help her clean her apartment, which he had found himself unable to refuse. He would never have imagined that house work could be that tiring. Or was it just because there was so much that needed to be done?   
If at least Shigeru had agreed to stay a while to help him. But he had only laughed at him for having been so easily manipulated by the Major.   
"Damn you, Shigeru!"   
And to add to his current problem, the Commander was on the bridge. Watching him. Didn't he have anything better to do?   
  


- - -

Up at his desk above the Command Center, Ikari Gendo grinned. Perhaps he would watch that poor Lieutenant squirm for another hour. After all, Supreme Commanders need leisure time, too...   
  


- - -

With Asuka having regained consciousness, both women sat at the kitchen table. Asuka was eating Misato's curry, which was surprisingly good, while clutching a cloth filled with a few ice cubes on her head; her fall had rewarded her with a nasty bump. She was eating rather slowly, not really feeling like enjoying her meal. Part of her was ashamed of herself. Fainting like that had been such a show of weakness! Only the fact that Misato had admitted that she had had the same reaction the previous day made it somewhat acceptable.   
Another part of her was rather confused at this turn of event. She hated Shinji. This was clear in her mind. He was weak, he was annoying, he was a wimp and he just kept outdoing her without trying. But to have this occur to him? She felt guilty for all the times she had wished to be rid of him.   
It would have been much more appropriate if it had been Ayanami.   
And while she would never admit it to anyone, this change of situation was scaring her. This was as close as dying as any of them had ever gotten. And... it was starting all over again. People around her... were leaving her.   
On the other side of the table, Misato was feeding Shinji a bottle of milk. She had decided to give priority to the infant, rather then her own stomach. She took this opportunity to explain everything to Asuka as well.   
"So... a four hundred percent synch ratio is that dangerous?" Asuka finally asked.   
"Yes. I don't know exactly what happened, but when the recovery failed, nothing should have been left of Shinji. And from what I managed to learn from Ritsuko, the first time someone reached four hundred percent... that person was never seen again."   
For a moment, Misato looked at the child cradled in her arms.   
"We were lucky to get him back, even in this state."   
"Can it... can it happen to me?"   
This questioned puzzled Misato. It wasn't usual to see Asuka worried.   
"I doubt it. Unit-02 never showed any signs of going berserk. Neither has Unit-00, except for both Rei's and Shinji's first activation tests. I think this is... something unique to Unit-01. Or perhaps Shinji. After all, he seems to be the only one who can use it now."   
Asuka seemed to think for a moment, chewing on some rice.   
"His EVA... it was much more powerful that way, right?"   
"Yeah," admitted Misato.   
"Then... what if it's necessary? What if Angels can't be beaten without an EVA going berserk? I mean, isn't that how Shinji beat the Third? As well as the Twelfth and the Fourteenth? And the Thirteenth... I've seen the videos... it wasn't the same, but Unit-01 looked just as wild. What if the Fifteenth is the same?"   
So that was what Asuka was afraid of. Afraid that the same thing would occur to her. She could understand; knowing what the girl went through in her childhood, no doubt the last thing she wanted was to have to grow up again. But there was probably something else. Asuka was likely also afraid of not being of any use anymore.   
"If he hadn't run out of power, Shinji would probably have defeated the last Angel." Asuka frowned at that comment. She had thought that Shinji had only been able to defeat the Angel because his EVA had gone berserk. "I'm sure that we'll be able to handle the next Angel, even if we have to do it without Unit-01 and Shinji. I'm sure you can do it, Asuka."   
"I don't know, Misato. After all, I'm not as good as our great Shinji-sama!"   
"Asuka... I didn't mean..."   
Misato couldn't say more, as the doorbell made itself heard.   
"I guess I should answer," said Asuka, as she got up.   
"Asuka..."   
Asuka was glad for the distraction. The last thing she wanted was for Misato to try and cheer her up. She felt utterly humiliated. Would Shinji really have beaten the Fourteenth Angel if he hadn't run out of power? Was that coward really that much better than her?   
"What do you want?!" she yelled as the door opened.   
She was surprised to see Hikari behind the door, a stunned look on her face.   
"A... Asuka? Am I... coming at a bad time?"   
Realizing the effect she just had on her friend, Asuka's expression softened. For a moment, she forgot all about EVAs and stupid boys.   
"Hikari? What are you doing here?"   
Hikari smiled, but still seemed a bit uneasy. Asuka noted that the girl wasn't wearing her school uniform, but rather a black skirt and lavender shirt.   
"Well... I gave Kensuke his printouts after school. And he told me..." The girl paused and suddenly, her eyes lit up in delight. "Oh! He's so cute!!!"   
Asuka blinked as the girl ran passed her to joined Misato who had just exited the kitchen. Hikari hadn't... no, she couldn't have come just for... this?   
"He is, isn't he?" said Misato with pride.   
"Oh, he's so precious," beamed Hikari. "I love babies! I used to baby-sit at least twice a week before. But now with all those Angels attacks... Can I... can I hold him?"   
"Sure," said Misato with a smile, as she handed carefully the baby to Hikari. The purple-haired woman nodded in satisfaction as she realized that Hikari knew exactly the right way to hold the baby.   
"I feel sick," thought Asuka.   
She was now frowning deeply, her gaze moving from Misato, to Hikari, to the baby and back, in repeated cycles. Here she thought that _her friend_ had come to visit her, only to realized that she was only interested in Shinji. Or rather the baby. How did she know about this anyway? Hikari had mentioned something about Kensuke. Was that it? Her temper flared up even more. How dare Misato tell that stupid otaku about Shinji _before_ telling _her_!   
"Oh... you're such a cute little boy you!" said Hikari, while tickling the boy's stomach, eliciting a few giggles from him, a fact that Misato noted for future use. "You are just so cute! Yes you are! Yes you are!" Asuka let out a groan upon hearing Hikari's now sickeningly sweet voice. "What's his name?"   
"Well..."   
"Shinji," answered Asuka, her voice dripping acid at the mention of the name. "He's called Shinji."   
If Hikari noticed Asuka's attitude, she didn't show it.   
"Shinji? Wow, what a coincidence!" Asuka groaned at how clueless her friend was. "Hello, Shin-chan!"   
As she shook her head and made funny faces, the baby caught one of the girl's pigtails that flew within reach of Shinji's grasp. Asuka smiled wickedly as Hikari let out a little yelp.   
"She gets what she deserved," thought the red-head sourly.   
"Shinji! Don't do that!" said Misato, as she tried to get the pigtail out of the baby's grasp.   
"It's okay," said Hikari, letting the baby play with her pigtails. "He just surprised me. Babies all love to do that. It didn't really hurt."   
"Oh... You know, you seem to know a lot about babies," noted Misato. "Care to give me some tips? Oh, and did you eat? I think I made far too much food. Want some?"   
"Yeah, sure!" Then Hikari remembered some of the things Asuka had said about Misato's cooking. "Although I'm not sure I'm that hungry..."   
"You'll see, it's good! Wasn't it, Asuka?"   
"I'm not lying on the floor in agony from food poisoning, if that's what you mean."   
For a moment, Hikari pondered the question, then thought of a way to perhaps do Asuka a favor.   
"Okay, I can try some. And perhaps we can also exchange cooking tips as well?"   
"You've got yourself a deal!"   
So Misato and Hikari, still holding Shinji, headed toward the kitchen, leaving a fuming Asuka behind.   
"How... how can they ignore me like that!"   
There was, however, no one left to answer that question.   
  


- - -

"WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
"Want... sleep... more..." groaned Misato, as she struggled to find her alarm clock. After a few long seconds, her fingers finally found the familiar shape of the dreaded object and pushed the snooze bottom.   
Nothing happened.   
The oddity of that fact caught the attention of some of her brain cells. Slowly, a chain reaction brought the rational part of her brain to awareness.   
Some loud noise woke her up.   
Pushing the snooze bottom of her alarm clock didn't stop the sound.   
Therefore, the sound didn't come from the alarm clock.   
"Shut up, you moron! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!"   
Additional input was then added to the equation.   
The sound had woken Asuka as well.   
Asuka yelled at Shinji.   
Therefore Shinji is the source of the noise.   
That's when Misato's eyes snapped opened, as most of her brain came online. Shinji was crying. Correction, baby Shinji was crying. And whatever the reason, he probably wouldn't stop unless someone did something.   
Still half in a daze, Misato got up and looked at her clock. Barely two in the morning. Hikari had left around eleven the previous night, so she had only slept for three hours.   
"Urg..."   
More steady on her feet, Misato went to see what was wrong.   
Realizing that it would be closer to her room and that he would be easier to hear in case of problems, Misato had left Shinji's crib in the living room instead of his room. Misato congratulated herself for that idea. Reaching the baby, she picked him up and tried to assess the situation.   
That's when she noticed all the noise that was coming from Asuka's room. Then the girl emerged from her room, a suitcase in hand, her school bag in the other.   
"Asuka, what are you doing?" asked Misato as she followed the girl toward the door, where she put her shoes on.   
"Ain't it obvious?! I'm leaving! No way I'm gonna put up with this every night! If there's an Angel attack, I'll be at Hikari's."   
"You can't be serious..."   
"You have no idea how serious I am!"   
Misato couldn't believe it. How could Asuka do that?   
"But Asuka... I was hoping I could count on you..."   
"Forget it! You're the one here who's Shinji's guardian! This is your problem, not mine! It's enough that I had to stand him whining as a boy, I won't stand for him crying in the middle of the night as a baby and you certainly won't stick the chores of changing his diapers on me! That thing has been poisoning my life ever since I got back from school! I won't take more of that crap!"   
"Asuka!"   
It was however too late, as the girl was already gone.   
"You're still wearing your sleeping clothes..."   
For a moment, Misato stood in front of the door, hoping that the teenage girl would come back. She didn't. Misato couldn't help but feel deeply disappointed in her.   
"It's okay Shinji... we'll manage without her."   
"WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"   
Misato groaned. Something was telling her that the next two weeks would be _very_ long.   


[To be continued...]   
  
  


Author's notes: 

While "in-character" (or so I believe), some people could think that I was overly rash over my portrayal of Asuka. Do not be mistaken, I love Asuka very much. However, as we all know, Asuka's attitude worsened after the Fourteenth Angel attack. And as she expressed in episode 22, she has no intention of having children. This is something I'll try to develop more in the next part. 

Also, in this particular context, Asuka represents in a way the older child that sees it's family change with the arrival of a new member. It's a common thing. Older siblings often get jealous of the extra attention their parents get from the new baby. For Asuka who craves the attention of others, this is unacceptable. 

   [1]: mailto:rakna@globetrotter.qc.ca



	3. Chapter 3 Unexpected Assistance

**Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters**   
  
Written by [Alain Gravel][1]

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX   
Started on November 16th 1999   
First pre-reader draft finished on May 9th 2000   
Second pre-reader draft finished on May 16th 2000   
Third pre-reader draft finished on May 24th 2000   
Final pre-reader draft finished on June 28th 2000   
  


* * *

  


Chapter 3 - Unexpected Assistance

The room was so small--barely four meters on a side--that you could hardly call it an office. That didn't matter to its user, though. It was calm, it was isolated and it was functional, which was all she needed.   
She pressed a button, activating a MAGI terminal. The screen flickered to life, glowing weakly through its thin layer of dust.   
Beside being small, this office was also very rarely used. In fact, judging by how clean the room was, if one didn't consider the dust that slowly made its way inside through the air ducts, many would likely have assumed that this place had never been used at all. Not that there was much in the room to use, a chair and a desk being the only furniture present, for the proper use of the MAGI terminal.   
Her fingers were a blur on the terminal's keyboard and her unblinking gaze fixed on the screen, Ayanami Rei quickly found the file she was looking for: the Children status file. It was a restricted file, but her security clearance was high enough to access it. Only the Commander had a higher security clearance and only Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki and Doctor Akagi's clearances equaled hers.   
Rarely had Rei felt the need to use this office, even if it was at her permanent disposal. She had used it before the final attacks on the Fifth, Seventh and Twelfth Angels. Knowledge was a weapon, and in these instances, it had been possible for her to review the data on the Angels, in search of a weakness to exploit in combat. It had not actually been useful -- her role against the Fifth had been to protect Shinji, she hadn't faced the Seventh and Unit-01 had destroyed the Twelfth -- but it never hurt to be prepared. She had also used it to consult the files on the Second, Third and Fourth Children. The information, however, had not been very useful, as she had found the Second and Third Children far more complex than their psychological profiles let on.   
"Why am I here?"   
It was a question she had asked herself many times on her way here. She knew that the Third Children retrieval attempt had been performed several days earlier. She had spoken to several people, but gotten contradictory answers. Some spoke of success, other of failure, but nobody wanted to elaborate. She hadn't seen Major Katsuragi, Doctor Akagi or Lieutenant Ibuki since the attempt. She hadn't seen the Third Children at NERV, nor at school. She had overheard his friends saying he had been sent to Germany. Obviously this was misinformation spread by the Major. EVA pilots were needed in only one place: here in Tokyo-3, where the Angels inevitably attacked. It was all... very strange. So, earlier, in a meeting with Commander Ikari, she finally decided to ask him about the Third Children. His answer hadn't been exactly what she had expected.   
_"There is no need for you to concern yourself with this, Rei."_   
This answer was now the source of a great dilemma for the teenage girl. Commander Ikari had assured her that it was unimportant. The Third Children, however, was not only a teammate, but also the only pilot that seemed able to use Unit-01. And even if Unit-01 was still in stasis, she considered the Third Children as the more reliable of her teammates. True, his will was weak, but she expected the Second Children to break before he would. Therefore, Unit-02 would be available if Unit-01 was not. On a practical basis, there was justification for her to wonder about the availability of the Third Children.   
But beyond that, there was something else, something she couldn't quite point out. An ordinary person might have said it was either curiosity or worry. Ayanami Rei wasn't, however, an ordinary person and so she found herself more confused than anything by her current actions.   
Realizing that she had been staring blankly at the terminal screen for a few minutes, lost in her reflections, Rei pushed those thoughts aside to be reflected upon at a later time. She opened the Children status files and called up the information about the Third Children.   
She let out a sigh of relief, not realizing she had been holding her breath, as she saw the 'Inactive' status for the Third Children. Part of her had expected to see a 'Deceased' or 'Vanished' status. She was quite aware of what had happened the previous time someone had achieved a synch ratio over one hundred percent with Unit-01. Looking in the mirror every morning reminded her of that fact.   
"This feeling... was it anxiety? Did I fear... did I fear for him? Why?"   
More questions she found herself unable to answer.   
In a way, the Third Children had been extremely annoying. Ever since he had arrived in Tokyo-3, she had found herself asking herself more and more questions of a similar nature.   
The fact alone that she felt annoyed by such unimportant matters was actually disturbing.   
The girl let out a silent sigh, one of her rare shows of emotions.   
The fact that the Third Children was still alive didn't really answer her questions, however. No mention of his current whereabouts could be found in his file. To add to the mystery, surveillance over him had been temporarily been put on hold.   
The girl frowned. If the Third Children was truly away in Germany, it would have been indicated in his file. It seemed she was wasting her time.   
Through a new search, Rei opened Major Katsuragi's file. It seemed she was currently on a leave of absence, ever since the day following the Third Children's retrieval from Unit-01. Security logs confirmed that she hadn't come to NERV in that period.   
Visiting the Major seemed like the next logical step.   
The Commander had said not to concern herself. He had not said that she could not look into these matters.   
  


- - -

Yawning, Misato tried to keep her eyes open.   
"Why can't you just get hungry at normal eating hours?"   
The baby just kept sucking on his bottle. The last few days had started to take their toll on Misato. She had been feeding Shinji, changing him, watching over him so he wouldn't hurt himself, day and night. A few close calls had shown it was necessary. It was exhausting. The constant worry only added to the stress. And then there were the chores of keeping the house clean... At least with Asuka away she didn't have to worry about food; she was used to instant. Although, she had to admit, now that she was sober, it really tasted like cardboard.   
  


- - -

It's really crowded here.   
This was the thought that came to Asuka's mind, as she lay by Hikari's side on her bed, staring at the ceiling. The bed was comfortable, but not really big enough for the use of two people. Asuka found herself unable to move from fear of ending up in an embarrassing, or even intimate position. The last thing she wanted was to wake up in the morning and find herself hugging Hikari, after having dreamt of Kaji.   
So she couldn't sleep and found herself staring at the ceiling.   
Her thoughts kept coming back to Misato and baby-Shinji, as they had for the past few days. This annoyed her to no end, but she just couldn't seem to chase the images away.   
Misato had seemed so joyful, so full of life. Asuka had never seen her like that. She had been like a different person. She hadn't drunk a single drop of beer all night. She had cooked an edible and non-instant meal. She had apparently cleaned the place up. She had been smiling, a true, honest smile. She had never acted this way before. Not for Shinji. Not for Kaji. Not for her. Only for that... baby.   
This was what scared her the most about babies. She hated them for various reasons. They were noisy. They were dependant. They always required your attention. They were a pain in the ass. But more importantly... they could change you. And you could get attached to them. This, above all else, scared Asuka. She would not let anything change her. And she certainly didn't want to get attached to one of those. Loving someone meant eventually losing them. Her mother; she didn't want to think about it. Her father; he stopped caring about her at the same time he stopped caring about her mother. Perhaps he never cared at all. Kaji; it was becoming clear that it had been a mistake. With Misato around, he would never care about her. Shinji... she chased that thought away. She didn't care about him. No, she didn't care about him...   
There was also something else that bothered her about babies. Something darker. Dolls. They all looked like dolls. Dolls mothers could play with.   
Asuka shuddered at the thought.   
Shifting positions so that she would now lay on her side, Asuka hugged her pillow as she buried her face in it, fighting back the tears she could almost feel in her eyes.   
At her side, Hikari wished there was something she could do or say to help her friend. But whatever was hurting her, she knew that Asuka would rather face it herself than let herself be seen in pain.   
  


- - -

"What now?!"   
She tried to feed the baby, but Shinji just ignored the milk bottle and kept crying. It wasn't a complete surprise, she had given Shinji's last meal barely more then an hour ago.   
"Why are you crying?"   
Undressing the baby only revealed a dry and clean diaper.   
"Why?"   
Taking the him into her arms, Misato could only think of a single course of action. She just paced back and forth in her living room, whispering what hoped to be soothing words, trying to calm the child, as she slowly rocked him in her arms. She gave up after nearly stumbling twice over a huge plush panda Makoto had brought the child two days before. So she just sat down on the floor, still holding Shinji, and prayed that he would stop crying soon. She really needed a few straight hours of sleep...   
  


- - -

Ayanami Rei found herself staring at the door of Major Katsuragi's apartment. This was also the other Children's living quarters as well. At this thought, she felt a familiar feeling she sometimes felt as she compared their living conditions to hers. She didn't really know what the feeling was, but it was strong and violent, so she repressed it as she always did. Commander Ikari had approved of all their living conditions, and his opinion was not something to question. Her being here, however, was more questionable. As she left for this place after school, it had seemed... right. The fact that the Second Children was heading in a different direction didn't change this feeling; if anything, it would make the whole process easier. But now that she was actually here...   
"Am I going against the Commander's wishes? Why am I here?"   
While technically she knew she wasn't disobeying him, she also know that she had played with his words in her logic. He may not have put it exactly into words, but she had understood the meaning. She should stay away from this matter.   
So why was she here?   
"Ikari-kun..."   
For a moment, she frowned. Why did he insist in making her life more complicated. Didn't he understand that things were as they should be? Why did he... make her... feel?   
It would be much easier to simply leave. But she needed to understand... if only to free herself of his disturbing influence.   
So her finger pushed on the apartment electronic buzzer.   
The answer she expected didn't follow. Instead, she heard a faint 'bang' through the door, followed by a much louder sound. It sounded like something was... wailing. It was a voice she didn't recognize. It couldn't be Sohryu, she was not presently here. The voice didn't have similarities with the Major or the Third Children either. The penguin perhaps?   
Her train of thought derailed as her long-repressed instincts reacted to the sound. Her throat went dry, her muscle tensed, her stomach felt as if a hand was roaming in her insides. She recognized the emotions as anxiety, perhaps even fear. She had felt these feelings before, at a few occasions, and felt shame in knowing that in these instances, she had doubted Commander Ikari. This time, however, the emotions she felt were making themselves known on completely different levels. Something within her was urging her to move, to enter the apartment, to go see the source of the noise. Because something instinctive within her knew it was important.   
And so, for the first time of her life, logic found itself thrown aside and Ayanami Rei panicked.   
While she had no official military rank, Rei had privileges that actually outranked most people in NERV. Aside from a high security clearance, those privileges also included a universal pass. After all, in times of emergency, it was important for Rei to be able to enter any location if it was necessary. So when she slipped her access card into the lock of Major Katsuragi's apartment, the door opened for her.   
In a hurry, Rei ran into the apartment, shoes flying in all directions as she removed them from force of habit. She soon found the source of the noise... and froze. Down on the floor was a small infant, disturbingly familiar, trying to cry its lungs out. Rei suddenly found herself at a complete loss. Had she known about the events that would have occurred that day, Asuka would most likely have come back to the Katsuragi household just to witness this scene; finally a problem Ayanami Rei didn't know how to handle. After a moment of staring at the child, and actually blinking a few times, Rei heard someone moaning, the sound mostly drowned out by the baby's wailing. She looked toward the source of the moan, to see the Major, sprawled on the floor. She noted the plush panda under her legs but more importantly, the small puddle of blood around the area where her forehead had hit the floor. Simple logic quickly led to a simple conclusion: the Major had tried to rush to answer the door, but stumbled on the plush panda and fell, hitting her head and rendering herself unconscious. She had probably been carrying the infant with her, which she let go in her fall, explaining its current behavior.   
Again, Rei found herself faced with a dilemma. The infant could have been hurt, and may be needing assistance, however, the Major was clearly hurt and obviously needed care. Head injuries could, after all, be very dangerous. Due to her rank and her role in the war against the Angels, the Major should obviously take priority. The child was, after all, unimportant. As she watched him cry, however, Rei found it very difficult to resist the need to help him.   
She sighed. Making such important decisions was not something she was used to.   
  


- - -

Misato tried not to wince as Rei roughly bandaged her head. The sight of the blue haired girl, as she had been reviving her with smelling salts, while holding Shinji in one arm, had quite surprised her. She didn't know, however, what had been the strangest sight: Rei in her apartment, the look of concern on her face, or the way she actually held the baby in her arm. Right now, Misato was the one holding Shinji, letting Rei take care of her.   
"The cut on your forehead is deep. You will likely need stitches. You may also have a concussion. I strongly recommend that you go to the hospital once I have minimized the blood flow."   
Misato guessed that Rei was right. She did feel dizzy and the pain was intense. From her position, she gave the plush panda a dark look. She had to put that thing away... before she tore it apart limb from limb.   
"I know, Rei. But I can't. I can't leave him alone by himself. I have to watch him."   
"You won't be able to care for him if you lose consciousness."   
Misato admitted, to herself, that Rei had a point.   
"Why is this infant so important, Major? Is he the reason for your leave of absence?"   
"Take him in your arms, Rei."   
The girl made sure the Major's bandage was holding securely, then complied. Misato noted that Rei seemed to actually know how to hold a child, as if it wasn't the first time she was doing this. The thought of Rei taking care of a child seemed very alien.   
"Look at him carefully and I think you'll know why he's so important."   
She looked at the child. It was rather tiny, if not fragile looking. She noted the dark brown hair. His features were vaguely familiar, but Rei couldn't tell if it looked like someone she knew, or if this familiarity came from something more complex, a sort of vague remembrance. His eyes however... red and dark blue eyes stared into one another. It only lasted for a second or two, before the child smiled, then happily giggled. But that short instant had been enough for her to see what she had failed to see before. The intensity of those eyes was unmistakable.   
Had she not have been looking at Rei, Misato might have missed a brief flash of a shocked expression, before it faded away and her features returned to normal.   
"Ikari-kun."   
Misato nodded. Rei didn't ask how this actually happened. It was unimportant. It did, however, answer a number of questions. These matters were put aside as the girl thought back over the current situation. She looked again at the child she was holding in her arms and made a decision.   
"I will take care of him."   
It wasn't a request or a suggestion, but a statement. A very serious one, Misato judged, as she looked at Rei's face.   
"Rei... you've never taken care of a baby, have you?"   
"No."   
Misato sighed. The girl's intentions were commendable, but it wasn't realistic.   
"I'm not sure it's a good idea. Taking care of a baby is not an easy task, Rei. It's a lot of responsibility. Make only one mistake and the child might suffer."   
"I will not fail him!"   
Rei seemed so resolved. Never Misato had seen the girl so sure of herself, so... expressive. Rei usually seemed more passive, the perfect soldier, always ready to follow orders. The Rei she knew would not have tried to insist but would have simply surrendered to her opinion. Maybe, just maybe... this just might finally help the girl to open up. But first, Misato had to make sure that Rei was really committed to this important task. Shinji's life was actually at stake here, and this was a far more risky gamble than her decision of having Shinji and Asuka live together.   
"I'm sorry Rei, but you can't take care of him."   
"I... I..."   
Rei didn't know how to react. She had made a decision, an important decision, both for herself and Ikari-kun. And... she was denied. While she recognized the Major's authority... her decision had seemed so right...   
"I... I... please... let me..."   
Misato gasped at that sight. Rei was clutching the child tighter against her. If she didn't know Rei better, she would have swore that she was actually about to cry.   
"I want... I want to take care of him."   
Had anyone told her this would happen one day, Misato would never have believed it. But here it was. Rei was actually making a demand. She _wanted_ something. She smiled, a proud smile. It was odd... was this how a mother felt when she could see her children grow up?   
"All right, Rei. You can take care of him."   
Rei's face softened. Inside of herself, however, she was crying tears of joy. She didn't exactly know why she felt this way. It all seemed so trivial. But... she could not help the feelings that overtook her. She smiled, a shy smile, reminiscent of the one she gave Ikari-kun, that time he asked her to smile. Misato blinked at the sight. Rei was smiling at her. And that smile seemed to widen as Rei looked at the child. At that moment, Misato felt certain that all would be all right after all.   
Unsure if she could drive to the hospital, Misato phoned for a taxi. While they waited, she instructed Rei on the different tasks she'd have to perform, showing her where she kept the diapers, milk formula, baby food and other necessary items. She also gave Rei the baby caring guidebook Ritsuko had initially gave her. After finally telling the girl she was free to use the contents of the kitchen, with the exception of beer, Misato was about to leave the girl and child alone, when she thought of a last piece of advice.   
"Rei, for the next few hours, Shinji will be completely dependent on you. He will not be able to communicate his needs to you, so you'll have to make guesses and try to act for the best. So you'll have to care for him the best you can. Like... a mother would."   
Rei nodded.   
Misato then looked at the child Rei was still holding.   
"Now, Shin-chan, Auntie Misato has to leave for a while, so you be good and do what Rei-oneechan tells you, understood?"   
The child, noticing that Misato was addressing him, just blankly stared at her, before yawning and closing his eyes.   
"Oh well... I'm sure he won't be _that much_ trouble. You two take care!"   
Having nothing more to say, Misato left Shinji in Rei's hands. She still had doubts, but her instinct was telling her it would work out just fine. Besides, Rei had said she wouldn't fail Shinji and Misato believed her. She had seen the girl in action, and one thing she had to give her credit for was her perseverance and dedication. If Rei said that she wouldn't fail, she wouldn't and God help anyone who got in her way.   
Misato gone, Rei stared for a moment at the now closed door, lost in thoughts.   
"A mother..." she whispered to herself.   
Ikari-kun had once told her that she had looked like a mother. Could she now act like one?   
She looked at the child now sleeping peacefully in her arms.   
"Shin-chan..."   
  


- - -

Kaji looked at the woman laying in his bed. She had asked him to take her back to her apartment once the doctors had assured her that her injuries weren't too important. A few stitches and a painkiller prescription later, she was ready to leave and had thought that Kaji would be cheaper then another taxi. On the way, Kaji had managed to convince her that she really looked like she needed rest and that she should come to his apartment rather than hers. Misato had been reluctant, but he had managed to convince her that Rei could surely handle taking care of a baby for a few hours.   
Now, Misato was dead asleep, snoring lightly. He had left just a few minutes ago to make coffee and it took only that much time for her to find her way into dreamland. Most likely, the painkillers and lack of sleep had kicked in. Perhaps it was just as well. She needed the rest. Carefully, he picked a cover from a closet and laid it over her. He then took an extra set of bed sheets as well as a pillow and exited the room. While he was very tempted to sneak into bed with her, it was probably better to let her have her rest undisturbed.   
  


- - -

Rei was not worried. She was simply... concerned. At least, that was what she was trying to tell herself.   
The Major had left around dinner time. Glancing at her watch as she had done several times before, Rei noted that the time was now 20h30. More than enough time for a simple head injury to be treated. Which could only lead to two possibilities: either she had underestimated the extent of the injury the Major had suffered -- if it was the case it was possible she had been forced to remain at the hospital -- or she had decided to get a moment of rest, which was also probable, as it seemed to be something the Major had been lacking. Rei didn't really mind having to stay longer then she had expected. Having brought her school bag with her, she could still do her homework. While it was tasteless, the food the Major had given her permission to eat had been enough to sustain her. The Second Children had not yet come back from the location she had gone to after the end of classes, a fact the blue-haired girl greatly appreciated. And more importantly, she had just finished her third reading of the guidebook the Major had handed her and if she didn't totally understand the content, she now felt confident in facing the inevitable task of taking care of the young Ikari.   
Well... almost confident. She found herself very worried about her earlier behavior. She had lost control. For a moment, emotions had taken over her rational judgement. She had volunteered herself to do a task for which she had no experience or qualification. Then she had argued with her commanding officer, almost telling her she was wrong. These were all unacceptable behaviors. If the Commander ever heard of this, he would be greatly disappointed. He might even... replace her. She didn't fear being replaced... but she certainly didn't wish for it either. At least, that's what she believed, but small shudders at the thought suggested otherwise.   
Well, she was determined not to show any further moments of weakness from this point on. After all, this was only a child. Even if this child was Ikari-kun.   
She frowned. This designation no longer seemed appropriate. If the infant was Ikari-kun, he was also different from him. The Major had called him Shin-chan. Something deep within her approved of the name. But Rei ignored that voice. Calling the child that... it felt too personal.   
Shinji, she decided, would do fine.   
Having nothing else to do, the girl was about to read the book a fourth time when the child made it clear he was awake. For a moment, she froze. It was quite a disturbing feeling, it was as if she had suddenly forgotten all she had learned in the guidebook, as well as her previous resolutions. Only years of self-control made her resist an overwhelming urge to panic. As calmly as she could, and being Ayamani Rei, it meant being as cool as ice, she got up and walked up to the crib where she had laid the small infant after the Major had left.   
Earlier, the child had been rather calm. He had obviously been tired and had caused her no problem. He had fallen asleep almost the instant she had put him in the crib. Now, however, he was very much alive, legs kicking in the air, hands and fingers moving as if it were trying to catch something only he could see, mouth wide open and eyes closed as he cried. For a moment, Rei wondered if all infants cried in such a manner, or if it was something unique to Ikari. The Third Children was after all overly sensitive, if her observations were accurate.   
The child calmed down somewhat when she picked him up, but he was still crying. From her reading, many things could lead a baby to cry, but the two most probable possibilities were either wet diapers or hunger. Since food would be wasted if the infant was not hungry, the girl proceeded to methodically remove the baby's clothes, a task not too easy, since the baby kept crying, but by that time, Ayanami had already learned to mostly ignore the sound. Finding no trace of wetness in the baby's diapers, she dressed him again and put him back in the crib. Sensing that the girl was leaving him behind, Shinji cried even more.   
"I need to prepare your meal. You must be patient."   
Rei quickly realized however, that babies don't respond well to logical arguments. So as she tried to leave for the kitchen again, the volume of Shinji's wailing increased significantly. Rei tried to ignore him, but the sound just seemed to stab into her like a knife. But she refrained herself from going back. She would not let her emotions control her again.   
_"If this goes on, he may disturb people living in the next apartment."_   
Rei had no idea if the Major actually had neighbors, but this was a perfectly logical excuse to go back to the child and see if there was any way to calm him down. Looking around brought the solution to Rei's problem. She picked the child again, strapped him into the car baby seat which she had noticed in a corner of the room and carried the seat with her in the kitchen. This way, the child would be able to be in her presence and she would be free to prepare his meal.   
Rei felt very pleased in her handling of this problem. There would be other problems, but she knew now that she would be able to deal with them in a calm and logical manner. She didn't know why all these emotions made themselves felt this often and this strongly, but she was sure she could now keep them under control.   
She wondered, did she react so strongly because of the baby, or because of the knowledge that this baby was Ikari? She had noticed that the Major had seemed very protective of the infant. More protective than she usually seemed about Ikari. Did babies have an emotional effect on people? Did it affect only females or did it affect males also? She sighed. New questions added to this complex puzzle people called life.   
For the moment, however, Rei had to face a less complex problem, which was what to actually feed the child. Rei contemplated the options offered to her. One was baby food. She had noticed a vast array of baby food jars in the Major's fridge in her earlier attempts to find something edible (unfortunately, Rei didn't know that baby food actually tasted better then Misato's instant food). It was all basically the same thing if one didn't consider all the different tastes available (Misato had actually discovered that baby food tasted better then her instant food, so she had made a vast order, even replacing part of her beer supply with it). The other option was milk. The milk formula had been conveniently left on the table, along with the necessary bottles, and the preparation seemed rather simple. So, again, Rei was faced with a choice. From what she had read, younger infants drank milk. As the infant grew, however, so did his nutritional needs. Rei had no idea how old Shinji actually was, and what kinds of food he mostly required. The presence of both suggested that the Major had at least tried to feed him both kinds. But she hadn't instructed her on which to use. For a moment, Rei considered simply giving him both, but it seemed unlikely that such a small child would have a big enough stomach for both. So she settled on the milk. If it was good for newborn babies, then it would not hurt older ones.   
Rei noted with interest that the infant had apparently noticed that she was preparing his meal, as he calmed down and watched her with concentration. It was a more complex behavior then anything else she had observed so far. Was this baby more intelligent than she had initially estimated? Her initial observations had lead her to believe that Shinji, under this form, possessed few reasoning skills. But apparently, this child had already learned how to recognize someone preparing his meals. It was most fascinating.   
Following the instructions to the letter with flawless execution, Rei was soon done preparing the baby's milk bottle. And the fact that he was afterward sucking on the bottle energetically clearly showed that she was using the appropriate method to feed him. While it was of no surprise, Rei felt both relieved and proud in this latest accomplishment. For a moment, she allowed herself a moment of respite and gave the child a small smile.   
Rei had no idea what quantity of milk a child actually needed to drink. But that problem solved itself as Shinji lost interest in the bottle. Rei noted that only a quarter of the content was left, although she had no idea if the information was relevant, as she doubted that such things could remain constant. One thing she knew remained true however was that after such a meal, it was needed to make the baby burp. The book had not explained why, only how to proceed, and so Rei acted accordingly. However, as she held the child in her arms over her shoulder and tried to make him burp, the reward to her efforts was not exactly what she had expected. She frowned as she felt the baby regurgitate part of the milk he had drunk on her shoulder.   
"This is not cute." [(1)][2]   
While being barfed on was just a little annoyance for Rei, a wasted school uniform was another matter entirely. Hopefully, it would not stain. While it was meaningless to Rei, the Commander was adamant that she should at least have a presentable appearance. Picking up the child, Rei headed toward the bathroom in search of a washcloth to at least remove most of Shinji's... little gift. The child giggled in delight, happy to take a little trip, but it was short lived as Rei set him down on the floor.   
"Do not move," commanded the girl to the child, before picking a washcloth and proceeding to wet it and try to clean the fabric covering her shoulder.   
What Rei was to soon learn, however, is that children tend not to listen to what people tell them; in fact they sometimes do the complete opposite. So when she finally judged her uniform clean enough, at least hopefully enough that it wouldn't stain, she discovered the child gone from the position she had left him. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen in bathroom. For a moment, she wondered how such a little child could have disappeared so fast, when she heard both a shriek and a giggle. Frowning, she went to investigate the source of the sound.   
Rei blinked at the sight that awaited her. Then blinked again.   
As fate required, Pen-pen had chosen _that moment_ to have a late drink. So he got out of this 'home' to fetch a beer at the same time Shinji exited the bathroom. The baby didn't miss the chance to recognize the penguin which led to the current result; apparently, Shinji had managed to grab and hold himself tightly on the penguin's back. Needless to say, Pen-pen did not approve and was expressing that disapproval in loud warks while running around in circles and waving his fins, trying to get that thing off his back. The scene could have been comical, if not for the inevitable conclusion; the baby finally lost his grip and was sent flying in the air. For an instant, time seemed to freeze and Rei stared in wide horror at the child going up in the air, soon to fall down. Then, she moved.   
Rei was not the kind who felt the need to show off. So she never used her full skill, speed and strength in class, or daily life. She had still been holding back when she beat Asuka's time in the previous week's swimming competition.   
So when Rei moved to catch the child, it was both with feline grace and speed. Too bad no one was there to witness it. And it was a shame Rei didn't notice that Pen-pen, now free of the child, failed to slow down and hit the plush panda, knocking him in Rei's path just before it was too late for her to avoid it. So Rei stumbled on the panda and fell on the floor. But she at least managed to avoid harming herself by catching herself with her arms. That is, before something hit her back, making her yelp in pain and, as she lost her hold, painfully hit her forehead on the floor. But unlike the Major, Rei was used to dealing with pain; it came with her job. So the next instant she was up again, to see the child on the floor, which had bounced off her back, squirming and crying.   
And that's when Rei again lost what control she had managed to keep so far.   
"Shinji! Are you alright?!? Shinji!"   
The only answer Rei got was more crying. Which really wasn't too surprising as babies can't actually talk. But she wasn't in the right frame of mind at the moment to realize that. Something she noticed, however, was the penguin waddling toward the source of the noise.   
"You!"   
The penguin froze in his tracks as red eyes burning with anger were suddenly locked on him. A large sweatdrop begun to form as his eyes met Rei's.   
"If you hurt him, I will make sure that 'grilled penguin' is on the next NERV cafeteria menu."   
Pen-pen didn't really understand all the words the scary blue-haired girl had used, but the low dangerous tone of her voice carried the meaning quite clearly. Knowing what was good for him, he wasted no time retreating to his fridge, where he was determined to stay until either his mistress, the whiny boy or the loud female were back. He hadn't seen the latter two in a while, though. He really hoped that they hadn't been replaced by the scary girl...   
"Shinji! Are you alright? Are you hurt?"   
Taking the child in her arms, Rei inspected him to see if there were any traces of injuries: cuts, bruises, anything. She looked at him from every angle, feeling gently for broken bones. The only thing she found, however, was something warm and wet as she slipped a hand in his diapers.   
Rei's only reaction was to freeze for a short instant, then frown. The fact that Rei kept her legendary calm didn't mean she found this sudden contact any less disgusting than anyone else would. Rei, however, was not one to dwell long on such insignificant matter and so she found herself soon seeing the positive side of the situation: at least she knew now why Shinji was crying. And despite everything, she felt relieved that Shinji was well.   
  


- - -

Changing the child had taken longer than feeding him. The operation had been a bit more complex and had also required for her to clean the child up. This time, Shinji's "little gift" had not been that little and it had been somewhat messy. For a moment, Rei wondered if the Major fed the child properly.   
Shinji had finally calmed down. He had been fed, changed and had played a bit (although too much and too dangerously for Rei's taste). Therefore the next logical step seemed putting him back to bed. The baby, however, seemed to refuse to be put into the crib. Each time she let him go, he would start to cry.   
"Are you not tired?"   
In her arms, the child yawned. Taking it as a yes, Rei put the child back in the crib.   
He started to cry again.   
The she took him back. He stopped.   
And he cried again as she put him back.   
To stop when she picked him up.   
To cry once more when she tried one more time to put him back.   
Analyzing the problem at hand, Rei could only come to one conclusion: the child didn't want to leave her arms. This single thought made her feel... warm inside.   
"Fine," she whispered, as a smile grew on her face.   
So the girl sat against a wall, and waited for the child in her arms to fall asleep. The whole situation felt strangely... very familiar. Without realizing it, the girl sang a soft lullaby she had never heard before, but yet knew nonetheless. 

_   
  
Sleep, little pigeon,   
And fold your wings,   
Little blue pigeon   
With velvet eyes;   
Sleep to the singing   
Of mother-bird swinging   
Swinging the nest   
Where her little one lies.   
  
Away out yonder   
I see a star,   
Silvery star   
With a tinkling song;   
To the soft dew falling   
I hear it calling   
The night along.   
  
In through the window   
A moonbeam comes,   
Little gold moonbeam   
With misty wings;   
All silently creeping,   
It asks; "Is he sleeping   
Sleeping and dreaming   
While mother sings?" ...   
  
But sleep, little pigeon,   
And fold your wings,   
Little blue pigeon   
With mournful eyes;   
Am I not singing? --   
See, I am swinging --   
Swinging the nest   
Where my darling lies.   
_

  
As Rei started to sing, the child recognized the song, calmed down and yawned. Eventually, both infant and girl fell asleep.   


[To be continued...]   
  
  


Bonus scene: 

While most of Tokyo-3's inhabitants were enjoying a well deserved rest, a pair of scientists were still hard at work in a restricted laboratory, deep inside the bowels of NERV. Through force of habit, Akagi Ritsuko picked up her coffee mug and mindlessly brought it to her lips, still typing on the keyboard with her free hand, only to find the mug empty. This simple realization broke her out of the near trance she had been in for over an hour. Blinking, her eyes confirmed that the cute cat ornated mug, a gift from her assistant Maya on her last birthday, barely held more than a drop of coffee.   
The blonde haired scientist let out a yawn and progressively started to feel the effect of too many hours of non-stop work. Almost thirty eight hours, if her watch was accurate. She looked at her terminal screen again, to realize with regret that her previous train of thought was now completely derailed.   
Knowing that there wasn't any point in trying to stop her mind from wandering a bit, Ritsuko looked at the large glass cylinder at the center of the room. Two meters wide and four meters in height, it was big enough for an adult to stand inside it... or float in it. Both extremities were attached to a vast array of mechanical and electronic components, most of them not completely assembled, but the Doctor knew it was only a matter of time before the device would be ready. Soon enough, the cylinder would be filled with LCL and would bathe the otherwise dark room with an orange glow, much like another system Ritsuko preferred not to think about. It wasn't really possible, however, as this system was actually derived from the prototype which had served in the development of the dummy system. At least, the Doctor had the consolation that this specific piece of machinery was recycled into something less... disturbing. Although she couldn't chase away the uneasiness she felt about this project as easily as she did with NERV's other secrets. Even if mankind's survival hung in the balance, it felt wrong to toy with such innocent and fragile life. Telling herself that this was only yet another rescue operation didn't really change her perception of things. She simply couldn't shake the picture of baby Shinji out of her mind. But there was really no other choice; _he_ had already made his decision.   
Like she had told Misato, the odds of growing Shinji back to full size were very good. Previous experiments on accelerated growth had given her enough data to work on and hope for good results. A mixture of hormones, nutriments, LCL and various other chemicals would do the work, while a constant bio-feedback system would constantly stimulate Shinji's muscles to avoid atrophy. Most likely, Shinji would probably be healthier then he was before this ordeal. Through the whole process, Shinji's brain would be stimulated with impulses based on Unit-01's data; in essence, Shinji would take a three week long trip down memory lane. Knowing the child however, this would probably be closer to a long nightmare then a pleasant dream.   
Still... Ritsuko had doubts. This was a unique situation and there was still many unknown variables, the most important question being whether or not Shinji would wake up and remember anything of his past. It was, after all, possible that his past memories, even if still present in his subconscious, would never resurface, even though she hoped the stimulation of his brain would prevent such possibility from occurring. A scenario where Shinji would end up with a fourteen year old body but keep a baby's mind was still very much likely to happen. And in a worst case scenario, Shinji could keep the mind of a baby, but end up in a completely deformed body. If he didn't die. Thinking back at the baby she had held in her arms at Maya's insistance, the Doctor shuddered.   
Silently, she vowed to herself to do all in her power to succeed.   
Yawning again, the Doctor looked back at her terminal screen, debating whether to return to her work or simply give her body the rest it was craving. The answer came to her in the form of a very faint sound; some light snoring. With a little push, her chair made a one hundred eighty degrees turn, giving her view of the other side of the room, where her assistant was working on a terminal similar to hers. Or, to be more precise, had been working, as Maya was now fast asleep, her head on the table, only centimeters from the keyboard.   
Getting up, Ritsuko walked toward her young protegee and gently let her fingers run through the younger woman's short brown hair, a sign of affection she wouldn't have done had there been someone else awake in the room. The young computer operator mumbled something in her sleep, most of it unrecognizable, except for the now much familiar word "sempai". Ritsuko wasn't really sure about the girl's feelings, if she simply admired her or felt something more... complex... and didn't really wish to know for sure either. Still, she had to admit to herself that she felt some attachment for the girl. In a way, she reminded her of herself years ago, before... him.   
"You poor thing... you must have been exhausted."   
Rest, decided Ritsuko, was the most logical option. She was tired, her assistant felt the same, and both of them would work better after a few hours of sleep. The project was going well anyway, and they were a bit ahead of schedule. No reason to be any more stubborn.   
Gently, Ritsuko shook the girl awake. Maya gave her a half glazed look, barely awake.   
"Sempai?"   
"Come."   
Helping the girl on her feet, she dragged her to a nearby room. In other circumstances she would have avoided this place, but she was reluctant to let Maya sleep on a table, or take away any more sleep from her. Beside, this would be more efficient then walking all the way to their apartment and... a bed was a bed. So, as she entered the room labeled as 'Artificial Evolutionary Laboratory', Ritsuko tried to ignore to project related to it. She helped the still half asleep Maya onto a bed in a corner of the room, who promptly resumed her slumber as she laid down. Removing her lab coat, Ritsuko covered her protegee with it, and laid herself on the bed, using what little space was left. It was a rather tight fit, but it was enough. She smiled as she remembered how similar it was to those few times back in college where she had sometimes tried to help Misato with her studies up until very early in the morning. The Doctor's whole body, however, suddenly tensed as Maya turned in her sleep and pressed her chest into her back, going even as far as hugging her with her left arm. Ritsuko quickly relaxed as she realized that Maya was now snoring again and was still clearly fast asleep. It was simply an innocent gesture, as simple as hugging a pillow or a teddy bear while sleeping. And besides... it did feel rather nice and warm. Sadly, she wished _he_ would do that...   
"Goodnight, Maya. Sweet dreams."   
Somewhere in-between sleep and awareness, Maya silently thanked her sempai and cherished this moment, as it would be forgotten the next morning.   
  
  


Author's notes: 

(1) One constant we often see in anime involving babies is the female character going "Oh! It's so cute!" over the little baby's burp. So I thought to show here the other side of the coin. And I know just how much out-of-character this little bit is, but I just couldn't resist. If it really bothers you, just skip that line, it doesn't affect the rest of the story. But I simply find it too funny to pass ^_^ 

My favorite chapter so far in this short series. But also the more challenging, as I must venture on those dangerous grounds which are Rei's emotions. You see, I am one to believe that Rei is capable of emotions, but either doesn't recognize them, or simply doesn't know how to handle them and therefore buries them. Aside from her loyalty to the Commander that clouds her judgment, Rei makes me think in a way of Vulcans in Star Trek. But here I have Rei forced to face very unusual situations, nothing Gendo could have anticipated and prepared her for. Here, Rei has to make choices. And here, Rei has to face one simple reality; whatever she is, she's also a woman. If there is such a thing as a maternal instinct, and it is bound to affect her. And if such a thing doesn't exist, then the impression of Yui within her still exists. It's still, however, very hard to reach the right mixture of usual Rei apathy and the awakening of emotions she wasn't aware she had. 

For those who wonder, Rei's lullaby was not made up by me. It's the result of a good hour of searching over the internet. After looking at the lyrics of over 50 lullabies, I found this one which I found to be an excellent match for Rei (or should I say Yui?). Interestingly enough, its title is "Japanese Lullaby" and it was written by Eugene Field. It was found on this URL: http://www.kididdles.com/   
  
  
  
Extra info:   
(my thanks to Thomas C Kinnen who provided them)   
  
  
Babies development timeline: 

  * Babies teeth will grow from the sixth to the eighth month. 
  * Babies will be able to sit up from the seventh month and walk in about a year. 
  * Six month old babies sleep 14 to 18 hours per day with two or three naps. 
  * By the fourth month babies turn towards sounds. 
  * By the fifth month They should be able to recognize favorite objects. They should also be able to hold their own bottle. 
  * By six months, they should be looking for objects (ie: if you show the baby keys and then drop them, the baby should look to see where they fell). 
  * From six to nine months, they start poking at things. 

  
Food: 

  * Breast milk and/or formula for the first six months, semi-solid foods (baby Cereal, mashed/strained fruits, yogurt) from about the fourth month. 

  
Of course, since Shinji ain't a normal baby, I can take one or two liberties ^_^ 

   [1]: mailto:rakna@globetrotter.qc.ca
   [2]: #note1



	4. Chapter 4 Welcome to the club

**Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters**   
  
Written by [Alain Gravel][1]

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX   
Started on May 9th 2000   
First pre-reader draft finished on June 1st 2000   
Second pre-reader draft finished on June 8th 2000   
Final draft finished on October 3rd 2000   
  


* * *

  


Chapter 4 - Welcome to the club

"Come on Katsuragi..."   
"Really, I shouldn't..."   
It looked GOOD. So tempting. And as much as she wanted to accept Kaji's offer, she really couldn't stay. For far too long already she had left Rei and Shinji alone.   
"But you'll like it," insisted Kaji, waving the tempting object seductively in front of her face. A little drop dribbled from the tip, causing her eyes to go a little wide.   
"I said no!" She refused. But God... it had been awhile since she had it...   
"Your mouth says no, but your body says yes."   
That little smile of his, the one that said, "I'm reading you like an open book." She really hated that smile... yet it made him look so good...   
"Oh, shut up!"   
"Don't worry, we can make it quick."   
"What part of 'no' don't you understand?! Hey! Keep that thing away!"   
Although, just the sight of it... it almost made her drool. It was so... meaty...   
"Just open your mouth and enjoy it."   
"In your dreams! I won't be putting that..."   
Misato found herself speechless as Kaji skillfully slipped in her open mouth a fork full of his special spicy bacon and ham omelet.   
The Major almost purred with delight as her taste buds were in paradise. An intricate web of flavor, almost indescribable. How Kaji could manage to cook so well was beyond her. And with the recent weeks she had to go through with eating her own cooking, it felt like she had died and gone to heaven.   
"Fine," agreed Misato, losing to her growling stomach. "But let's make breakfast quick."   
"Relax, Katsuragi. I'm sure Rei handled Shinji without any problem. And we have plenty of time," answered Kaji, pointing toward a clock that barely indicated 6 AM.   
"I just can't help but worry..."   
Kaji smiled, seeing a side of Misato only a few people knew. The Misato who cared for the Children and considered them as much more than just tools. The woman who considered those Children as her own.   
  


- - -

Misato swore loudly as, for a moment, she imagined that her worst fears had come true. Shinji was crying so loudly that she could actually hear him through the door.   
"Kaji no baka!"   
The poor child was probably hurt, and all because Kaji had delayed her. Sure, Rei had probably done her best, but she was still too young for such responsibility, for God's sakes!   
As fast as she could, she entered the apartment and ran in the living room to simply freeze in her tracks.   
Had Shinji not been crying, it might just have been the most beautiful scene Misato had ever seen in her life. Rei was asleep, a serene expression on her face, Shinji cradled in her arms. It looked so... right.   
Nevertheless, Shinji was crying, which meant that something was wrong. It was probably nothing serious; Rei wouldn't be holding him that way if he was hurt or sick. Most likely, he was simply hungry.   
Still... how could Rei manage to sleep despite all of this racket?   
Never having visited Rei's apartment, Misato was ignorant of the fact that Rei had long ago mastered the art of tuning out any loud noises, whether it was construction equipment or the stray red-headed pilot.   
Since it seemed obvious that Rei wouldn't be waking up soon, Misato decided to let her have her sleep and take care of Shinji herself. A moment later, however, she almost regretted that decision. The instant her fingers brushed Shinji's skin, she found her wrist caught in a painful iron grip. Misato gritted her teeth as the pale fingers squeezed even harder, almost as if intending to crush Misato's bones. Rei's eyes snapped open and stared straight at her. For an instant, Misato felt scared at the intensity of the rage and fury she could see in those eyes. Then, Rei blinked several times, yawned and looked at Misato with what could almost pass as a puzzled expression on her face. The Major sighed in relief as Rei's hand released her wrist. She didn't look at it, but she was pretty certain it would be bruised for a while.   
"Major. You are back."   
Rei felt... confused. She couldn't remember the Major coming in. Therefore, it likely meant that she had fallen asleep. She frowned as she tried to remember what had led to the current situation. She remembered the child not wanting to leave her arms. Then she had laid down against a wall, in the exact position she was still in, which confirmed that she had indeed fallen asleep. Then... there had been a strange sense of danger... she had felt threatened. But it was very confusing. Looking at the child, she realized that he was crying, and she quickly understood why, as she noticed a wet and warm feeling on her leg. She lift the child up and her suspicions were visually confirmed by a large wet spot on her skirt.   
"This is not nice, Shinji."   
Misato didn't know if it was the fact that for once she wasn't the victim or the way Rei was admonishing Shinji, but she burst out laughing. A loud, pure, joyful laugh. All the worries had suddenly disappeared and Misato realized that life felt good.   
"Here, I'll take care of him," said Misato as she picked up Shinji from Rei's still outstretched arms. "Why don't you go take a bath and change clothes? After all, you can't go to school in that condition," added the Major as she pointed out the spot on her shoulder where Shinji had barfed, which still had traces, despite Rei's rudimentary efforts on cleaning it, as well as the location of the more recent incident.   
"I do not have other clothes."   
"Ooh..."   
Misato had forgotten all Rei's improvised visit and the following decision to let her take care of Shinji. This could be a small problem...   
For nearly a minute, she looked at Rei from head to toe, sizing her and considering her options. Rei wouldn't have the time to go home, then go to school; she would no doubt end up late. Driving her there implied either leaving Shinji alone or taking him with them, which she felt a bit reluctant to do. After all, Shinji was safe here, but outside... And she couldn't have Rei skip school. Only a few options remained, and out of them, she chose the one she considered the most practical. A grin slowly appeared on her face.   
"Don't worry, Rei. Just go take a bath, I'll take care of everything else: Shinji, breakfast and your clothes."   
Had she known Misato better, Rei would surely have felt an impending sense of doom.   
  


- - -

"I doubt this is appropriate."   
"Why? It all seems to fit... more or less."   
Rei was standing before Misato, her hair still slightly damp from her bath. While she didn't have any problem being forced to wear the same underwear as the previous day, she felt very uncomfortable about the rest of her clothes.   
Ever since she had started attending school, Rei only wore four different outfits: school uniforms, which also included a PE swimsuit and PE shorts and T-shirt, her plugsuit, a nightgown at night, as well as a swimsuit for her weekly exercising at NERV. So what she was currently wearing made her very uneasy, as it was the first time she actually wore such clothing. The problem wasn't really with the black T-shirt; she was used to those from PE class. Neither was the white shirt; wearing it over the T-shirt, she barely felt it. But the pants and belt... this was almost completely alien to her. It didn't provide her legs with the snug fitness a plugsuit did, nor did it leave them exposed as her school uniform skirt. It was... strange.   
But her main problem was the owner of these clothes. Ikari Shinji. She felt very self-conscious wearing his clothes. She had this strange impression of... intruding. Even if he was presently cradled in Misato's arms, she could almost feel the boy's presence in his clothes. It... smelled like him.   
"What?" asked Misato, noticing that Rei was taking a sniff at the sleeve of 'her' shirt for the third time in a minute. "These were washed a few days ago, I guarantee that they are clean!"   
Misato flashed a wide grin, somehow happy to tell someone that _she_ had cleaned Shinji's clothes, instead of the opposite.   
"I... I cannot wear these clothes."   
"Sure you can!"   
Indeed, Misato was rather proud of this idea. Shinji was only slightly taller than Rei and since he was rather scrawny, his clothes fit Rei as she had expected. The waist of the pants was a bit too large, but it was nothing some extra holes in a belt couldn't handle.   
"This is a male school uniform. I am female. It will not be tolerated."   
"Relax Rei, there won't be any problems. And if anyone makes a fuss about this, just tell them to call me."   
Rei finally resigned herself. The Major would not change her mind. She would have to spend the... day... in Ikari-kun's clothes. The thought somehow made her cheeks feel rather... hot.   
"Understood."   
"Good! Now that it's settled, you can eat. I... I'm not very good, and I don't have much here right now... is toast and jam okay?"   
"It will be sufficient."   
That morning, Rei learned the hard way how Misato had gained the reputation of being a culinary disaster. She looked for a moment at the two pieces of black toast on her plate, then poked them with a knife. They were very resistant.   
"I think I may have overcooked them a bit. Strange, I did exactly what Shinji does every morning..."   
With a sigh barely louder than a whisper, Rei picked up a jar of jam and applied a generous portion of its contents onto the burnt toast. The first bite was almost painful, and the taste was a horrid mixture of sugary sweet berry jam and burnt toast, but Rei ate the whole thing nonetheless. After long instances of having LCL as her sole nourishment, Rei had learned that any taste was far more enjoyable. Except perhaps the taste of meat.   
"Will you... will you require my assistance again with Shinji?"   
The question surprised Misato. She had not expected Rei to actually talk while eating.   
"Well, to tell the truth, I had hoped that Asuka would help. I should have been more realistic..."   
"The Second Children is indeed very self-centered."   
"Yeah... but it's not entirely her fault. Well, in any case, any help you can give me will be more than welcomed. I never imagined it would be so much work to take care of a baby. It's exausting!"   
Rei nodded. Her recent experience had taught her that.   
"I think I can watch Shinji at night, as well as while you're at school. If you can watch him from... let's say... after school to around the time you usually go to bed; it should be enough time for me to get a good rest. How does it sound?"   
"It sounds... acceptable."   
At first, Misato had been sure that Rei would have said something else. She had seemed overjoyed for a second, but then had slipped into her usual demeanor again. So close to bringing her out of her shell, yet so far away. Well, at least it was progress, even if just a tiny bit. Maybe taking care of Shinji would help further bring down her defenses. Or some of them in the least.   
"Great! Welcome to the Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters club!"   
Rei blinked at that sudden cheer and stared for a moment at the Major's outstretched hand. She finally returned the handshake, although without the older woman's enthusiasm.   
"Once school is over, go to your apartment, and bring back what you need for staying a few days here. I'll be waiting!"   
"Understood."   
"Now, finish your breakfast, before you're late for school. Just because you'll stay here doesn't mean you have to pick up the bad habits of my former roommates."   
While she didn't comment, the way Rei looked at her told her clearly that she believed said roommates had probably picked up those habits from her.   
Soon, Rei was done with 'breakfast' and grabbed her school bag without wasting any time. She was putting on her shoes when Misato joined her, Shinji in arm and sucking on a bottle. From a pocket, the Major pulled some yen she gave to the blue haired girl.   
"Couldn't make you lunch, so I guess you'll have to buy it from the school cafeteria."   
Mentally, Rei let out a relieved sigh.   
"Enjoy your day! See you later!"   
Rei blinked. It was the first time in her life anyone had told her to enjoy herself...   
"I... I will try..."   
A confused look on her face, the girl left the apartment.   
"Maybe there's hope for her after all..." thought Misato as she watched the girl disappear into the elevator.   
  


- - -

Rei tried to ignore the curious stare most students and teachers alike gave her. It only partially worked. Although she appeared to other students as her usual cold self, all those eyes on her made her extremely self-conscious. Thankfully, since the object of the students' curiosity was Ayanami Rei, that attention was short lived. After all, not only was Ayanami an EVA pilot, but she was also well known for being strange, as well as other less pleasant qualifiers, ranging from "freak" to "cold hearted bitch". The teachers didn't exactly share such strong feelings, but they too lost interest in her very quickly, already having learned to keep out of NERV matters.   
So Rei quickly regained her status of someone that should be ignored. That is, until she reached her classroom.   
"Ayanami!? What are you doing!? This kind of attire is against school regulations!"   
Rei had expected such an outburst to come from the class representative. She had well observed this Horaki Hikari, which, like all her other classmates, was a potential EVA pilot candidate. She was soft hearted, but was also the type of person to take her responsibilities very seriously and was more mature than most of the other students in class. She knew it was pointless, but she had sometimes found herself wishing that such a girl had been chosen as Unit-02's pilot, instead of the current Second Children. It would have been much more easier to work with her. In a way, she was relieved that she hadn't been chosen to pilot Unit-03. It had kept her potential from being wasted.   
But for the time being, the girl's responsibility was to ensure that order in the class was kept. And the violation of the dress code Rei knew she was committing was no doubt bringing chaos to that order. She felt respect for the girl's efforts and it somewhat saddened her that she would have to stand up to her.   
So Rei looked straight into the brown eyes of the ponytailed girl. She knew that people were reluctant to stare directly into her eyes and she knew it would intimidate the girl.   
"I am wearing an authorized school uniform."   
The initial outburst of the class representative had attracted the attention of the remaining of the class... or at least the few students that still came to class. With Ikari-kun and the Fourth Children absent, the class was nearly empty. Aside from herself and the class representative, only Ikari-kun's friend Aida Kensuke and two other students were present. As well as the Second Children, which was currently worrying Rei more than Horaki.   
"Rei... you're wearing a MALE uniform! The teacher won't tolerate this... you'll get in trouble. This... this isn't like you at all..."   
"It was not my choice to do this. If there is need to file a complaint, then this matter will have to be discussed with Major Katsuragi."   
Hikari nodded. While she had no idea why Rei had to wear boys clothes, the fact that it all came from Major Katsuragi was good enough for her. She almost chuckled at her own naivete; Ayanami would never have done such a thing of her own volition. A frown appeared on her face, however, as she noticed the irate red headed girl making her way toward Ayanami. Without any doubt, it meant trouble. From the corner of her eye, she could already see Kensuke aiming his camera toward the two EVA pilots, no doubt hoping to catch a great fight on film. Sighing, she tried to think of a way to calm Asuka, or at least distract her.   
"These are Shinji's clothes!" proclaimed Asuka, finger pointing toward Rei's chest.   
Since class was nearly empty, the only sound of surprise came from Kensuke. Which disappointed Asuka, as she had somewhat expected a bigger reaction.   
"Correct," answered Rei, matter-of-factly.   
Rei's lack of reaction naturally only added to Asuka's outrage.   
"WHY ARE YOU WEARING SHINJI'S CLOTHES?!"   
Rei only stared straight toward Asuka for a few seconds, while she thought about how to answer this question. Quite possibly, the Second Children knew of Shinji's condition. However, the Major had not expressly stated that. And even if the Second Children knew, then this matter was most likely one that other people present should not be informed of.   
"My clothes got damaged while I was helping Major Katsuragi with her new charge," answered Rei very calmly. Her next words, however, carried a harsher tone, despite being spoken only a little bit louder than a whisper. "A task you ran from, if I understand correctly."   
To everyone's disbelief, Asuka found herself speechless before Rei. A fact the blue-haired girl ignored as she walked past the girl and sat at her desk, to look out the window, as she usually did. Her thoughts, however, were more turbulent than her calm exterior let on, as she finally had time to ponder on the recent events in peace.   
  


- - -

While the old teacher rambled about the crisis that plagued the post-Second Impact world, Asuka fumed. And the worst part was that she didn't know at whom she should be the more angry. Misato, who had replaced her with Rei? That bitch, Wondergirl, who had pointed out that she was replacing her? Or herself, who had just lost a golden opportunity?   
The night Asuka first came to live with Hikari, the ponytailed girl had been very upset with her. When not playing class representative, Hikari was a caring and gentle person. She tried her best to make her friends happy, but without asking anything else in return. She respected the privacy of others and this suited Asuka perfectly. In fact, it was probably one of the reasons why they were still friends. At first, Asuka had decided to be friendly with the girl because of her status in class. She had responsibilities, people respected her and she was her main competition when it came to getting the boys' attention. But quickly, Asuka found herself enjoying the other girl's company. Unlike most of the other students, Hikari didn't seem intimidated by her, and she seemed to want to be her friend... simply because she wanted to. And they had a few things in common, certainly more then she would ever have with Ayanami, despite that they were both EVA pilots. So, Asuka had been rather shocked to see Hikari angry at her. The class representative had allowed Asuka to sleep with her, but beyond that, the brown haired girl practically ignored her presence. Only the next day did Asuka finally understand why, and by that time, Hikari had already apologized for her previous rude actions.   
Hikari was the heart of the Horaki house. Everyone and everything seemed to depend on her. The household chores were her complete responsibility, as well as the well-being of the family, apparently. From what she knew, Hikari's mother had died a few years earlier and, as she watched Hikari play with her younger sister Nozomi, help her older sister Kodama choose a dress for a date and listen to her father as he talked about his day at work, Asuka came to the conclusion that somehow Hikari had taken her mother's place. Enlightened with this new realization, Asuka could now better understand Hikari's reaction. To someone who took family responsibilities as seriously as Hikari, leaving home when Misato needed her probably seemed totally selfish. Hikari's apparent love of babies had probably only added to her anger. If this whole situation seemed completely trivial to Asuka, it was probably very important to Hikari. And yet, after a few hours of sleep, Hikari had pushed all those matters aside because she considered Asuka her friend. The EVA pilot didn't really know what to think about the whole situation. So she simply decided not to think about it, period.   
However, trying not to think about Shinji was something else altogether. Asuka was certain that Hikari wasn't doing it on purpose -- Hikari wasn't that type of person -- but to Asuka's annoyance, the ponytailed girl just kept mentioning Shinji every time she could. And sometimes, some rare times, Hikari's words would make Asuka doubt the rightness of her choice. It was really only a matter of time before she'd find her resolve crumbling.   
And the worst part was that Hikari wasn't even responsible for her change of heart.   
It had all started rather innocently. On the previous day, Kensuke approached her and Hikari to ask her if she had any news about Shinji. Now, while she had no interest in baby Shinji, Asuka had of course realized that such a matter was not to be discussed, and so told Kensuke on very clear terms to get lost (in a way involving a string of German curses, Kensuke's camera and a suggestion on a very painful way to use it). But knowing that Asuka wouldn't do anything excessively harmful in Hikari's presence, Kensuke decided to stay, if only to infuriate the redhead more. Hikari took the opportunity of Kensuke's question to say just how much it was a shame that Shinji was away, with the Major taking care of baby Shinji. Kensuke nodded, adding that Shinji was indeed the reliable type and that it was no wonder that the Major preferred him on the battlefield over her other roommate. After all, if he was reliable in real life, he would tend to be in the field.   
Asuka was about to argue that Shinji was not reliable at all, having failed to fight the Thirteenth Angel and then running away afterward, but the words died in her mouth. Mentioning the Thirteenth Angel would not be wise with Hikari around and she had been herself too distracted by the identity of the Fourth Children to do anything. Heck, even Rei hadn't dared to kill him. And as for running away, Shinji had come back at the last second to fight and beat the Fourteenth Angel. As infuriating as it was, Shinji _was_ reliable. He had been there for every single Angel from the Third to the Fourteenth. He had saved her life against the Eighth. He had stopped the Tenth from hitting the ground and destroying NERV. Despite all odds, he had beaten the Twelfth even when everyone considered him no better than dead.   
You could always count on the Invincible Shinji.   
As she kept hearing Kensuke's words in her mind all day, even as she laid in bed, sleep completely out of her reach, Asuka started to revise her position.   
Misato had been expecting her to help. She had said so herself. Instead, she had run away. Perhaps her reasons were valid, but she had failed Misato nonetheless. Of course, she had no obligation toward Misato; she only lived with her because it was convenient. If needed, she was pretty sure that she could be on her own like Rei was. Misato tried to be nice, but Asuka bore no illusion and knew that the woman simply did her job, nothing more. So there was no reason why she should accept every request coming from her. But Misato was also Director of Operations at NERV. She was the one who decided who fought and who didn't, who took point and who would act as backup. Asuka's career as EVA pilot was literally in her hands. Now, Misato didn't seem the kind to use such a thing as blackmail, but what Kensuke had said had a ring of truth: Misato would probably be more inclined to trust old reliable Shinji over her now. Especially with her latest failures. All things considered, Rei's battle record seemed as good as hers. Gaining Misato's trust outside of NERV might just help her overlook her recent problems.   
So Asuka had come to a decision. She would go back 'home' and help Misato take care of the child. She wasn't overjoyed with the prospect of diaper changing and crying babies at night, but if it could give her an extra chance to show that she could outdo Shinji, then she would grit her teeth and do what was required. And in the end, Misato only needed some help; she had never asked for her to care about the child.   
And now, this opportunity was gone. Misato had found someone to help her. Someone much more reliable than her. Someone to _replace_ her. Ayanami Rei...   
She knew it was the result of her own choices, but she couldn't help but feel her anger toward the other pilot rise. How dare she...?   
Her anger however quickly deflated. After all, it was all too late now...   
Or was it?   
  


- - -

Overall, school had not been as bad as Rei had expected. The Second Children had remained strangely subdued for the reminder of the day. Teachers and students, including the class representative, quickly ceased to notice her or her attire. In fact, for the most part, it was almost a day like any other. She even stopped thinking about the fact she was wearing Ikari-kun's clothes after a few hours.   
Still, the first thing she did as she entered her apartment was to change into her regular clothes.   
And now she was back to the Katsuragi household. And she would see Shinji again. The thought made her smile. A very faint smile, but a smile nonetheless.   
"Finally! You're here!"   
Rei blinked once as the Major seemed to just appear right before her the moment she entered her apartment. Quickly, Rei noted that the Major was wearing a skirt and a sleeveless blouse which, while more casual than her uniform, was definitely more formal than the usual clothing she wore at home.   
"We're nearly out of diapers and formula, so I've got to make a quick errand! For some reason, I couldn't find Makoto anywhere..."   
  


- - -

In his sleep, earplugs ensuring that it would remain undisturbed, Makoto smiled. Following Shigeru's advice, he had decided to switch to the night shift for a few days. Recently, Misato had taken on the habit of calling him at work to do all her errands and he was very aware of the dark glances the Sub-Commander was giving him each time he left the Control Center under Misato's "orders". While he didn't mind in the least helping her, it was starting to jeopardize his career. And since he couldn't bring himself to refuse her request, this was simply the best way...   
  


- - -

"So, I've got to go myself. Now, Shinji has been fed and changed not too long ago and he's taking a little nap, so he shouldn't be a problem. Oh! I've left some instant ramen in the fridge, just needs to be microwaved. Be back soon!"   
And so, without even leaving Rei the chance to react, the Major walked past her and was long gone. Rei blinked a second time as she tried to analyze what had just happened.   
Her excitement faded, as she realized that she would not be able to care for Shinji, as Misato had already done all the required tasks. But then again, she was supposed to care for him until around 23h00, if her agreement with the Major was still valid. Surely the child would wake up in that period. And then she would be able to take care of him again.   
Feeling a certain warmth inside of her at that thought, she made her way to the kitchen to store some food she had the good idea to take with her, along with some clothes and other necessities. Looking at the "ramen" the major had mentioned, Rei was glad she took that precaution. Now, if she could only find some space to store it, the fridge being filled up mostly by beer and baby food...   
  


- - -

Misato came back about an hour (54 minutes and 38 seconds exactly, if someone asked Rei) after she had left. From what she had gathered from the Major, Rei assumed that it had actually been "fast" for her. It had only taken a third of that time for Rei to prepare her meal and eat it, five minutes had been dedicated to personal hygiene and the remainder of the time had been spent by looking at Shinji's sleeping form. The child had not woken in that period and only the faint rising and falling of his chest indicated that he was actually alive and not simply a small doll.   
Silently, as not to wake the child up, Misato lowered the large bags she was carrying and walked up to Rei, startling the girl as she gave her shoulder a slight squeeze. Not knowing how to react to what she believed was a sort of show of affection, Rei simply didn't react at all.   
"He's so cute when he sleeps," whispered the Major.   
Rei surprised both Misato and herself by nodding in approval.   
"But when he wakes up..." added the Major with a slight grimace, as she thought about all the crying and diaper changing...   
"He is still cute," Misato nearly gasped at such a statement from Rei. "When he's awake... he is still cute."   
"Yes... I guess he is," admitted Misato. "But then, Shinji's always been cute, hasn't he?" added the Major, barely restraining a grin.   
The faint blush on Rei's usually pale cheeks spoke louder than words.   
"Oh? So you think Shinji-kun is cute too?" teased Misato. It had been so long since she last had someone to tease. It was something she had missed greatly. Something she had taken for granted, before Shinji disappeared into Unit-01.   
The blush on the girl's face was starting to deepen.   
"You... embarrass me."   
Misato giggled, forgetting all about the child sleeping nearby. So Rei was an ordinary girl after all... this was too good to pass up.   
"Do you think of him, at night, when you're lying in bed?"   
A wolf grin showed on her face.   
"Of course," answered Rei matter-of-factly.   
Misato didn't know what was surprising her the most, Rei's words or her lack of reaction.   
"You... you think of him?!"   
"Yes. As well as Commander Ikari..." Misato let out a horrified gasp as some thoughts of Rei and the Commander crossed her mind, "Sub-commander Fuyutsuki, Doctor Akagi, you and the Second Children. Commander Ikari always says that knowing your opponents' and allies' strengths and weaknesses is key to attaining your goals."   
The Major let out sigh of relief, although she felt a bit disappointed. Rei seemed back to her usual self now.   
"Oh... I see... so you take some time each night to review the events of the day before going to sleep, correct?"   
"Yes."   
Misato nodded. It was something she did herself after each Angel battle... at least if she didn't pass out from drinking too much beer first.   
"And what are your goals, Rei?"   
The Evangelion pilot was spared the need to answer, however, as Shinji made it known that the progressively increasing noise made by his two caretakers had woken him up. Misato was about to reach for the child when Rei stopped her.   
"I will take care of him. You should get some rest."   
For some reason she couldn't figure, Misato wasn't totally sure that this was only a suggestion. But it was the deal she had made with Rei and she had to admit she felt a bit tired.   
"Alright... you take care of him. If needed, the diapers and formula are in these bags." Then the Major's eyes lit up as she suddenly remembered a few other things she had bought. Looking through one of the bags, she pulled out a video disc case and handed it to Rei. "You can watch that with Shinji. I loved watching it when I was a little girl." Rei stared a moment at the 'Hello Kitty' video cover and wondered if a baby actually had a sufficiently developed brain to actually watch such a thing. "And I found this for him to keep him company in his sleep..." The huge smile on the Major's face should have prepared Rei for the worst. Nevertheless, a deep frown became visible on her features as she took a good look at the doll Misato had handed her.   
It was a super-deformed kind of doll, the kind which usually had a head too big for a chubby body, and small limbs. To any other observers, the doll would have been considered as cute. But to Rei, cute was the last thing that came to mind.   
If the doll's large brown eyes and smile could have mislead those who knew the model the doll was based on, there was no way to miss the short fuzzy blue hair as well as the white plugsuit the doll was wearing, even if crudely designed.   
In her left hand, the right being monopolized by Shinji, Rei held the latest product issued by NERV's public relation department: the Zerogouki Pilot doll. Despite the fact that NERV was the last line of defense against the Angels, a lot of people either feared or hated NERV, from reasons varying from the EVAs scary appearance to NERV's excessively high operating cost. So EVA Pilots dolls, as well as Evangelions action figures had been made and released as merchandise to brighten its image among children. The basic idea of this project was that if children trusted NERV, then their parents might be inclined to do so as well. And it was also an interesting source of revenue.   
"Isn't it cute?"   
Misato wasn't sure if it was her imagination or not, but she was almost sure she saw Rei's eyebrow twitch before her frown deepened.   
"It does not look like me."   
Misato couldn't quite believe it. Rei seemed... displeased...   
"I am not fat," added Rei, which caused Misato to burst out laughing. When she noticed Rei's stern gaze at her, she made an attempt to sober back up.   
"I... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." she gasped, before bursting out laughing again.   
"Gah... gah... ga!"   
Misato's became serious again, as she looked to see why Shinji seemed suddenly so animated. She blinked as she noticed that Shinji's little hands were trying to grasp the doll Rei held only inches from him.   
"I think he wants the doll."   
Having noticed the baby's behavior herself, Rei brought the doll closer to the child. As it came within reach, Shinji grasped it and held it to his tiny chest, giggling as the doll's hair tickled his nose. When she tried to get the doll back, Rei realized that the child was holding it too tightly for her to take it without the use of force.   
"I think he likes it," commented Misato.   
Rei nodded, her features now more neutral, although a smile seemed to be creeping at the edge of her lips.   
"Perhaps... it is not so bad after all," admitted Rei, as she sat down, delicately placed the child on the floor, and watched him play with the doll.   
A proud smile on her face, Misato left the two alone to get a well-deserved rest.   
  


- - -

Determined not to lose, Asuka walked the now familiar path that would lead her to Misato's apartment. It was how she preferred to call it. "Home" didn't sound... right.   
As she thought back at her reaction in school, Asuka couldn't believe she had been about to give up so easily. So what if Rei had taken care of that stupid baby Shinji? For sure she could do it better than her. And as soon as Misato would see that she was serious about helping her, she'd send Rei away. If she hadn't already. One would be crazy to let this girl take care of a child.   
Discreetly, she entered the apartment. If she wanted Misato to trust her again, she had to make sure that the Major believed she cared about Shinji, which meant not waking him up. It seemed like the right thing to do, since an almost eerie silence had taken possession of the apartment. A silence that was only an apparent one, however, as she realized a faint voice could be heard coming from the living room as her steps brought her closer there. She froze at the sight awaiting her. She saw Ayanami sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall, baby Shinji cradled in her arms. The strangest thing, however, was how lively Ayanami seemed. The voice she had heard was hers, but it was all wrong. Instead of the subdued emotionless voice was a joyful, rich voice, even if she didn't speak much louder than a whisper.   
Wanting to hear what Ayanami was saying, Asuka walked a few steps closer. Apparently, Rei was telling the child a story. She was so engrossed in it that she hadn't noticed the German girl.   
"... The evil oni spoke, its voice loud and heavy as pitch black darkness: 'If you don't give me the soul crystal, I'll kill your beloved Tokiko. What will you choose, Tanaka? The life of this little princess... or the world?' Knowing the weakness of the human heart, the evil oni gloated, his success becoming clear as the young samurai sheathed his sword. The princess cried, as she urged the samurai to destroy the soul crystal, even at the cost of her life. 'If you love me', she said, 'you'll let me die to save the world.' Looking straight into the beautiful princess' eyes, the samurai asked: 'Hime-sama... do you love me?' Hearing the question she had dreaded for so long, the princess bit her lip, but sure that this would be her last words, answered: 'Yes.' The samurai then smiled and with all his might, threw the crystal to the ground, shattering it in a thousand pieces. The oni growled in anger, but was surprised to see the samurai leap at him at a speed he had never seen in a mortal before. Using his family ancestral battou technique, the samurai struck. The fires of love and the desire to protect his princess burned within the heart of the warrior and for only a few seconds, his blade glowed, powered by the samurai's spirit. Not having anticipated the pure feelings of the warrior's heart, the oni found itself defenseless, the light piercing through his evil. The blade entered his flesh above his right hip and exited by his left shoulder, literally slicing the oni in half. With a scream, the oni's body crumbled into dust. The samurai helped the princess to stand on her feet and under the moonlight, the two lovers kissed."   
As she watched Ayanami telling this tale to the young Shinji, Asuka remembered a scene from a long time ago, in a far away place.   
_"And so, they lived happily ever after."_   
_"Yay! Mama! Mama! Tell me another story!"_   
_"Now, Asuka... it's time to sleep."_   
_"Tell me another story!"_   
_"Oh, alright... but it's the last one and you must promise me to go to sleep after it."_   
_"I love you Mama!"_   
Asuka shook her head in denial, not wanting to remember this. Because if she remembered the good memories, then the bad would also come...   
"No... no... no... NO! NOOOOO!"   
Finally noticing the Second Children's presence, Rei looked straight at her, her unblinking red gaze burrowing deep into Asuka's blue eyes.   
_"Asuka darling, please, come to heaven with me."_   
Emotionless eyes looking at her. Eyes almost... dead. Like...   
  
The little girl stood in the doorway, staring in horror at the inanimate body of her mother, hanging from the ceiling of her hospital room, her empty eyes opened in a way that almost made it look as if she was looking straight at her...   
  
_"Asuka darling, please, come to heaven with me."_   
The eyes... the little doll in her hands...   
"NO! Don't... don't look at ME!"   
Scared and confused, Asuka ran out of the apartment, leaving behind a puzzled Rei and a worried Misato, who had been awakened by Asuka's first screams. When she tried to run after her however, the Major couldn't find any traces of the redheaded girl.   
"This is bad..."   
She was relieved however to learn, after a phone call to NERV security, that Asuka was on her way toward the Horakis' home. Not wasting time, she phoned the class representative and briefly explained the situation to her without going into details. Once she was finally sure that Asuka would have someone she could talk to and a shoulder she could lean on if she felt the need to, Misato prepared her trusty coffee machine for a much needed cup. She doubted she could go back to sleep.   
She really wished she hadn't stopped drinking.   
For a moment, Rei watched the Major and took notes of her actions, but lost interest after a while and instead looked at the sleeping child cradled into her arms, and smiled. 

[To be continued...]   
  
  


Author's notes: 

Oh, before someone point it out, it was on purpose that I used contractions in the story Rei was telling. Using it or not is simply to give a more monotone feel to Rei's words (since she really speaks Japanese). From this, you can make your own conclusions... 

   [1]: mailto:rakna@globetrotter.qc.ca



	5. Chapter 5 Family and Friends

**Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters**   
  
Written by [Alain Gravel][1]

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX   
Started on May 9th 2000   
First pre-reader draft finished on July 1st 2000   
Second pre-reader draft finished on August 2nd 2000   
Final draft finished on November 22nd 2000   
  


* * *

  


Chapter 5 - Family and Friends

Earlier, Hikari had received a phone call from Major Katsuragi. Normally, this wouldn't have worried Hikari, but she could sense something was terribly amiss. Her thoughts again visited the earlier call, unbidden...   
"Hikari... something happened to Asuka. I... I can't really talk about it, but... well she's on her way to your home. So... keep an eye on her and... well... be there if she needs a friend."   
No doubt about it, the call from the Major had really scared Hikari. The woman on the other side of the line had seemed really worried, so something very wrong must have been going on for her to actually call. Not really knowing what to expect, Hikari paced back and forth just inside the apartment's entrance. If anything, it only made the wait longer. With each step, the girl's anxiety rose. The Major had said that Asuka was on her way, but it was taking her so long!   
The girl let out a shriek as the sudden sound of thunder scared the life out of her. A second, higher pitched scream followed hers. Seconds later, a terrified Nozomi bolted from her room right toward her middle sister.   
"ONEECHAN!"   
Hikari embraced the weeping nine year old, pushing her own fears aside. She understood her sister all too well; she was herself terribly afraid of thunder and lightning. She could remember running to her mother in a way similar to what Nozomi had just done. The difference was that now there was no longer someone to comfort her; rather it was now her duty to appear strong and comfort her kid sister.   
As she pulled the curtains over the windows, just to be safe, Nozomi following her around like a lost puppy, Hikari somewhat forgot her own fears and grew worried at the heavy rain that was now falling. Asuka was outside... in such weather. For a moment a battle raged inside her between her duties to her sister and to her friend. She was worried for her friend, but she couldn't really leave Nozomi alone to go look for her. Asuka might have found herself the big loser if it hadn't been for Hikari having someone she might rely on upon such a situation.   
Little sister still in tow, Hikari headed toward her big sister's room.   
It would have been wrong to say that the older Horaki sisters didn't like each other. They weren't however as close as Nozomi and Hikari were. It really wasn't anyone's fault. Kodama was simply a solitary soul. In a way, she reminded her of Ikari: Kodama was a nice person, but she also was calm, quiet and distant. Hikari couldn't help sometimes worrying about her. Sadly, Hikari could remember that it hadn't always been like this. Not while her mother had been alive. But then again, her mother's death had changed all of their lives.   
Knowing from experience that her sister wouldn't answer if she tried knocking, Hikari simply entered the room.   
"Oneechan?"   
Kodama turned her head from a very thick biology book she had been reading at the call. She was wearing a Chinese pajama similar to the one Hikari herself wore at night, although black and much better filled. She definitely fit Touji's tactless definition of "A babe."   
"I'm busy Hikari. What do you want?"   
Another person might have considered Kodama's reaction as rude, but Hikari was used to it. Kodama wasn't rude, she was simply very direct. A lot like Ayanami, Hikari realized. In fact, as far as she knew, Kodama never got angry at anyone, except at her father, for which she made no effort to hide her hatred. She hadn't taken well his choice of his work over his dying wife, even if it had been a necessity. The fact that he had started drinking heavily following their mother's death, making himself drunk each time he came back from work, hadn't helped at all. At least they now barely saw each other anymore, their father having taken to working on the night shift two years ago.   
"I need you to watch over Nozomi. There's thunder outside. She's scared."   
As if to emphasize Hikari's point, the said thunder made itself heard again, making the two youngers sister shriek in fright. While Hikari quickly recovered, Nozomi had sought protection in her arms and was shaking like a leaf.   
"I'm busy. I don't have time to play baby-sitter."   
It was a fact that Hikari knew well. After her mother's death, Kodama had set her mind on becoming a scientist, intent on researching for a cure to the type of cancer which had broken her family. So the girl dedicated most of her time to her studies and when she was not studying, Kodama worked in a part time job, partly to compensate for the loss of one of the family's source of income and also to save money for studies abroad.   
"Kodama... please..."   
Maybe it was because of Hikari's pleading look, or maybe Kodama was actually weary of her studies, but with a sigh she closed her book and gave in.   
"Is it really that important?"   
"Yes! I... I have a friend who may be in trouble... outside..."   
"You, going out in a storm? It HAS to be important. Alright... I guess I studied enough for tonight."   
Getting up, the older girl pulled the sheets of her bed and slipped herself in, then moved in one side, so that there would be enough room for another person.   
"Hey, squirt, want to sleep with Oneesan tonight?"   
"Can I?!?" asked a bewildered Nozomi.   
"As long as you don't make a habit of it," answered Kodama with a smile.   
Seeing Kodama smile was a rather rare thing. And when it happened, it was usually contagious. Hikari smiled herself, while her little sister made a little joyful dance, before jumping in bed with her sister.   
"Thank you."   
"No prob, sis. But really, you should stop worrying so much about others and worry about yourself instead."   
"I can't, Oneesan. If I do that, then no one will care about them."   
"Maybe, but then, who cares about you?"   
"It doesn't matter, Oneesan. It doesn't matter..."   
Sadly, Kodama shook her head as she watched her sister leave.   
  


- - -

For a long time, Misato stared at the lifeless screen of her laptop computer. As far as she knew, neither Shinji or Asuka were aware of its presence in the apartment. Misato was very reluctant to take work home, and when she did she usually worked in the privacy of her bedroom. But considering the current situation, there was no reason to remain there. Asuka was gone and Shinji was sleeping peacefully in Rei's arms. As she watched the teenage girl holding the child, Misato couldn't help but feel tinges of jealousy. She would have preferred being in her place instead of having to do this. It felt... so unfair.   
Besides, she had to admit it, she felt envious of how handling the child seemed to be much simpler for Rei than her.   
With a sigh, Misato turned the laptop on. The screen flickered to life and soon, the familiar MAGI terminal screen appeared. It was surprising how fast this thing was, despite using phone lines.   
As she logged on the MAGI, Misato wished that she hadn't stopped drinking, despite knowing that no amount of beer would have made the task easier.   
Opening the Second Children's file, Misato began typing a report on the latest events.   
  


- - -

For the tenth time since she had left, or maybe even more, she hadn't kept count, Hikari swore at the Earth's erratic weather. For most people, the very concept of Hikari swearing was rather a scary one. But fortunately for most people, only her older sister Kodama knew just how scary it could be. Maybe it was the result of keeping a good appearance on a daily basis, of always keeping anger and anguish all repressed deep down, or maybe it was something else entirely, but one fact remained... it really wasn't a pretty sight. Upon hearing her, mothers would very likely have fainted on the spot and sailors would have been proud. At least, that was Kodama's opinion.   
And so, Hikari swore at weather that could be a bright sunny day at one moment, and a raging storm the next. Despite the fact that she was wearing a rain coat, with hood over her head, along with rubber boots and even an umbrella, Hikari felt chilled and soaked to the bone. It was _that_ bad. To make matters worse, a car had passed by and drenched her. Fuming, Hikari cursed once more. That was it! She was about to go back home - there was no way Asuka could have been so stupid as to stay outside in such a storm - when she noticed something very wrong. She couldn't see very well, but she could make out what seemed like someone laying on the ground, on the side of the street. As she walked closer, she realized that this person was wearing a female school uniform. And that she had long red hair. Her heart tightened in her chest as she came to the only logical conclusion.   
"ASUKA!"   
Her umbrella found itself forgotten, and was carried away by the wind, as Hikari rushed toward her friend. Hikari was close to panicking when she realized that Asuka was laying on the concrete sidewalk and not moving.   
"Asuka! Asuka!"   
Quickly, Hikari turned her friend around so that Asuka would lay on her back. Taking the soaked head in her lap, Hikari turned her body so as to shield the drenched figure from the rain as much as possible.   
Hikari's fears were slightly eased when she saw the faint rising and falling of Asuka's chest, but she was still very worried, especially by Asuka's shivering and the clammy feel to her skin. Asuka's clothes were so soaked that you could easily see her bra through the fabric of her white blouse. But what was really perturbing Hikari was Asuka's lack of reaction. Had she fainted, or fallen and lost consciousness?   
"Asuka! Wake up! Asuka!"   
Slowly, Asuka's eyelids opened. Even more slowly, her eyes, devoid of life, looked toward her friend. Asuka's lips moved in a regular motion, but no sound seemed to come out. Hikari had to kneel down and almost put her ear on Asuka's lips to hear her.   
"Hi... ka... ri...... Hi... ka... ri...... Hi... ka... ri......"   
This, more then anything else, scared the ponytailed girl. Asuka was acting like... some sort of broken automaton.   
"My God, Asuka... what happened to you?!"   
Only the same three syllables came out of Asuka's lips. Over and over and over again, before she finally closed her eyes again and her lips stopped moving.   
"What can I do? What can I do?!"   
There was really only one solution Hikari could think of. Painfully, she hauled an unresponsive Asuka to her feet. Then, she forced her to walk. Fortunately, while she still had to carry part of her friend's weight, Asuka actually made some effort to walk. It would be tedious, but Hikari would see her friend back home. Hikari was so focused into helping her friend that she forgot to swear as another car passed by and soaked her yet again.   
  


- - -

It had taken Misato an hour to write her report. The words had not come easily. She felt even more miserable now that it had been sent. In normal circumstances, she would have taken a drink to forget about all this, but right now, all she could do was seek the company of others and tell herself that she had done the right thing.   
"How's our little angel?"   
Misato sat beside Rei on the living room floor. The girl had not moved since Asuka's sudden departure.   
"Sleeping peacefully."   
"You're lucky. He rarely wants to sleep when I'm taking care of him."   
Again she felt jealous. It looked so right for Rei to hold Shinji in her arms as she did. Probably more right than when she held him herself.   
"Thank you."   
Misato gave Rei a curious look.   
"What for?"   
"For this opportunity."   
At first, Misato didn't understand, until she followed Rei's gaze toward the sleeping child.   
"I should be the one thanking you. I'll have to admit, I was scared at first, but you've done better than I had expected. You've taken very good care of him. Sometimes... better than me I think."   
"In your arms, he can also find peace, security and comfort."   
It felt good to hear that. Oh so very good. Rei was probably one of the most honest people Misato knew; she sometimes had the feeling that Rei often didn't tell what she knew, but she never lied. So to hear her acknowledge that she did a good work... it relieved her from most of her self doubts.   
"Thank you, Rei. Sometimes... I find myself wondering if I'm really qualified to take care of him."   
"You are."   
Since all there was to say about that topic had been said, an awkward silence seemed to fill the room, at least for Misato. She could never really guess what the girl sitting next to her was thinking and it made conversation with her extremely difficult. Rei seemed to be opening a bit more lately, but it didn't make things much easier. With Asuka it was easy, she just had to listen to the girl ramble about herself. It was harder with Shinji, but he had loosened up with time and they could now and then manage some interesting discussions. That is, when she hadn't been drunk, which hadn't happened that often, she thought bitterly. But Rei... Rei was a sort of mystery. Often, she almost reminded Misato of a child. There were things, mundane things, that Rei seemed unaware of. The girl could seem cold, but there was to her a certain amount of innocence. But there was also something deeper... like her own two charges, Rei didn't have the eyes of a teenage girl. It almost seemed like... she knew exactly what her fate in life was, a fate she had resigned herself to without a word. In a way, it was sad. And it just made it harder to talk to her.   
"Why did the Second react as she did?"   
This question surprised Misato. Rei was rarely one to initiate conversation. And a show of curiosity about Asuka of all things was the last thing she would have expected.   
"What do you mean?"   
"She was afraid. She looked at me and Shinji and fear overwhelmed her. Why is that?"   
For a moment, Misato wondered how she could explain Asuka's reaction. Fact was, while she had a vague idea, she wasn't completely sure what was truly the cause. But whatever it was, it mainly regarded Asuka's personal life and she knew how much Asuka valued her privacy on this subject.   
"Well... she went through some hard times in her youth. And... some scars aren't healed yet."   
"So, this is related to her mother's suicide?" asked Rei very casually, as if she was asking what time it was.   
Misato gasped. This was restricted information! As far as she knew, the only people in Tokyo-3 who had access to the Children's personal files were herself, Ritsuko, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki and Commander Ikari. Kaji probably also knew too. How had Rei accessed that information?   
"How...? How do you know that?!"   
"It was in her file," answered the girl matter-of-factly.   
Rei had access to Asuka's files... which meant that she had a security clearance at least as high as her own. Misato's eyes narrowed. Just how much did this girl know? Somehow, she was getting the impression that the people around her were better informed than herself. Ritsuko, Kaji and now Rei. It was almost enough to want to scream in frustration. But instead, she focused in staying calm. While she was reluctant to manipulate the girl, she kept a mental note to try and get some info from her if the opportunity presented itself.   
"Well.. it's not quite that simple. Before killing herself, Doctor Sohryu suffered from severe mental disorders and prior to that, Asuka's father left his family to marry another woman. All this affected her. The poor girl didn't have much of a childhood. And there can be wounds which will remain open, which might one day get you killed... something I fear at times for Asuka."   
Rei nodded, as if Misato had just confirmed an analysis the young girl had made herself.   
"Ikari-kun lost his mother when he was young and was sent away by his father. Is this why he... suffers?"   
As she asked this question, Rei's voice hadn't been so detached as it had been when she had inquired about Asuka. There was a certain apprehension. Maybe it was related to her relationship with the boy... or his father.   
"Probably."   
Rei nodded again, but this time with traces of a certain sadness on her features. Maybe Misato could guess some of the girl's thoughts. Shinji had suffered because his father had neglected him. But from what she knew about Rei, the Commander was the closest thing to a father figure in her life, even if it didn't seem much like a good one, in Misato's opinion.   
"I see. So good parenting is necessary to ensure a child's happiness?"   
"Not necessarily, but I think it always helps. Who knows what Asuka's or Shinji's lives would have been with their parents at their side. Or yours."   
Misato didn't miss how Rei's body suddenly stiffened. The girl never talked about herself, and, Misato guessed, probably wouldn't want to either. It was interesting however to see how those words had somehow hit a nerve.   
"Or mine..." the purple haired woman finally added with a whisper, this talk about family reminding her about her own bad memories.   
Somehow, even if the conversation had been in a way very informative, Misato found herself in a far more depressed mood then she had been before talking to Rei.   
"Then we must make sure that this child remains happy."   
It was a simple comment. One a teenager, one who had barely struggled with the hardships of life, would innocently say. But this was no simple teenage girl. This was a girl who practically lived on her own and had to do things most adults would never even imagine doing. To hear some conviction and hope in the girl's voice... it made Misato feel suddenly a whole lot better. Rei was right; there was no point in dwelling with the past. What was important was the future and currently, it was sleeping innocently in Rei's arms, unaware of the dangers of the outside world.   
"Yeah... we should do that, Rei. Yes... we'll do that."   
  


- - -

"Thank God! We finally made it!"   
As she entered her apartment, Hikari nearly collapsed. The only reason she stayed up was because if she fell, then she was sure Asuka would have fallen along with her. Despite now being out of the rain, Hikari was shivering. Dragging Asuka along she had gotten as soaked as her friend. She sneezed once, then twice, before leaning Asuka against the apartment's door as delicately as she could.   
"If we stay like this, we'll be sure to catch a cold and get sick. You stay there okay? I'll be right back."   
Asuka just stared into to what seemed empty space for her.   
Quickly, Hikari removed her rain gear and headed for the bathroom, for once not caring if her soaked clothes left traces on the floor. It was only water and she could take care of it later. There were more important things to take care of.   
Hikari shed her clothes and put them on the previously empty pile for wash, then prepared a bath... a hot one. Draping herself in a towel, even if she knew well that only her sisters and Asuka were in the apartment, Hikari exited the bathroom and picked up Asuka from where she had left her. As she had feared, Asuka had not moved a muscle. Again, she dragged Asuka along and, getting tired of getting nothing from the girl, simply dropped her on the floor. Asuka simply stared at her for a few seconds before looking at the ceiling... or more accurately just looking straight in front of her.   
Removing Asuka's clothes took some work, but if the girl wasn't helping, she wasn't resisting either. Then, Hikari unceremoniously dumped Asuka in the bath, before jumping in behind her, just to make sure the girl wouldn't drown. It was a tight squeeze, but there was enough room. Hikari sighed in contentment as the water warmed up chilled bones. While she remained silent, the other girl, whose head was lying against Hikari's shoulder, seemed also to relax from what Hikari could tell.   
For the next half hour, Hikari took care of the other girl, washing her from head to toe, then drying her, before dressing her in a thick cotton nightgown, over which Hikari usually preferred her silk Chinese pajama. It was much simpler then trying to force Asuka into her usual sleeping gear. By that time, there seemed to be more life in Asuka. She had taken Hikari's washcloth when had come the time to take care of some more... sensitive parts Hikari didn't dare touch, and now she more or less walked on her own, even if it was actually necessary to guide her where you wanted her to be. But she still remained silent and never seemed to focus long on what was happening.   
It was only later in the night, while Hikari was sleeping, Asuka at her side, that the red-head finally snapped out of the state she had been in so far. Hikari woke up with a start, surprised to find Asuka crying, mumbling the word 'Mama' and something about dolls. While Hikari was glad to see that Asuka was finally showing signs of life again, she also felt saddened by her friend's pain. Not really knowing what to do, she simply hugged her friend, who returned, but with much more strength, holding onto Hikari as if her life depended on in. It felt strange to see her friend so weak, but Hikari figured that Asuka was human, just as she was, and that no one was safe from grief and sorrow, not even someone as proud as Sohryu Asuka Langley.   
"Hikari... thank you... for everything..."   
It had been only a whisper between two sobs, but it still filled Hikari with joy and pride. She didn't know what had happened to her friend, and she doubted that Asuka would tell her, but at least, this time, she had been able to help.   
  


- - -

Rei stared at her reflection in the glass. Morning had come and the Major had awakened her for school. Rei had removed her clothing and had been about to wash herself when her eyes caught her own gaze in the bathroom mirror.   
For a moment, her mind wandered.   
_"This is myself. This face I see is mine. Red eyes, blue hair. This body is the vessel of my soul, a means for others to identify myself, for me to verify my existence. When I touch my skin, it feels warm. If this body is hurt, it will bleed and I will feel pain."_   
_"If I can see myself, then why am I uncertain about who I am?"_   
_"Am I still myself?"_   
_"It feels as if there are two selves within this body. The one which is here now, and the one that exists when I am near him. The one I am staring at and the one that smiles when I take him in my arms."_   
_"Who am I really? Who am I?"_   
_"Can this other self also be myself?"_   
_"If it is, am I still myself?"_   
_"Or have I become another?"_   
_"But if I am aware of myself, then am I not myself?"_   
_"If that other is myself, then should I accept it?"_   
_"She is wild, erratic, emotional."_   
_"Emotions should not be sought. They make you weak, confused. They make you lose your focus. They are not needed. This is what Ikari taught me."_   
_"But I feel them."_   
_"And this other self expresses them."_   
_"I am confused. Lost. What is and what should be? Who am I?"_   
Turning away from the mirror, the girl thought about those she knew.   
_"Commander Ikari. Still and cold as the mountain. But he injured himself to save my life, even if I can be replaced. His face is hard and stern, but sometimes he smiles when we are alone."_   
_"Major Katsuragi. Professional and in control in time of crisis. Sloppy and lazy at home. Yet also full of care and attention for Shinji."_   
_"Ikari-kun. So weak and fragile. But he stayed here, fighting with more strength than we might have expected of him."_   
_"Sohryu Asuka Langley. The Second Children. I have seen her scared, haunted, lost, last night. I have seen her smiling, standing tall and proud. She is chaotic, conflicting in nature. Showing different sides of herself. Which is the real one? Which is really Sohryu Asuka Langley? Are any of them as they appear to be? Am I as I appear to be? Or is there more?"_   
_"Is it possible that there are many selves to one self? If so, what is the real self? Can the sum of those selves be one true self? Is there such a thing as one true self? Or are humans beings of chaos with no notion of self? Running wild like a river, endlessly changing, but looking the same to the naked eye?"_   
_"Is this the truth to man's identity? If so, must I accept it?"_   
_"Must I... accept myself?"_   
_"Was I... denying myself? Is it possible to deny oneself? Am I not myself if I am aware of myself?"_   
_"Then how could I be myself and not be myself?"_   
_"Who am I?"_   
_"Who am I?"_   
_"Who am I?"_   
_"Is this other self also myself? If so, should this self become part of myself? Or perhaps it is already part of myself but I had not recognized it before?"_   
_"What must I do? Who must I be? Should I remain myself or become someone else who would also be myself?"_   
Conflicting images and memories ran through the girl's head.   
Ikari Shinji, asking her to smile if she felt happy.   
Commander Ikari, reminding her of her role, the purpose of her existence.   
Major Katsuragi, trusting her with the duty of taking care of baby Shinji.   
And finally baby Shinji, sleeping contently in her arms.   
And so, the girl came to a decision.   
_"I am... I am Ayanami Rei."_   
Now certain of what she had to do, the blue haired girl exited the bathroom and went to face a rather tired Misato. The Major blinked and gave the naked girl in front of her a curious look.   
"I will not go to school. If not needed at NERV, I will remain here to take care of Shinji."   
Misato almost protested, but Rei's eyes showed such determination that Misato knew it would be a wasted effort.   
"I'm not your guardian, so I can't tell you what to do. But I'm not sure that the Commander will approve."   
"I will deal with the Commander."   
Rei had said this so casually, as if it was nothing. For her to be so sure of herself, even in face of the threat of having to explain herself to the Commander... Misato felt both bewildered and proud.   
"Fine," she said, a smile on her face. "Judging by your state of undress, am I right in assuming that you were about to take a bath when you made this very sudden decision?"   
Only then did Rei seem to notice that she was indeed naked. However, if this fact brought her any embarrassment, it never showed.   
"Yes."   
"Then you won't mind taking the opportunity to give Shinji a bath?"   
A wide smile lit up the girl's face. Misato smiled herself. For some reason, she found Rei's smiles to be very often contagious.   
"I do not mind."   
  


- - -

Horaki Hikari liked to sleep. Once she hit a bed, she became extremely lazy. If it wasn't for her trusty alarm clock, the odds were that she would likely oversleep every day. It was one of her few guilty pleasures in life. However, being in charge of the house, as well as her position of class representative, made it hard for her to indulge herself in this activity.   
But that didn't mean that waking up every morning was an easy task for her.   
Hikari groaned as the sharp buzzing sound filled her room, awakening all her senses against her wishes. She had chosen her alarm clock especially for its loud volume and also its resistant look; her two previous alarms had been destroyed by flying projectiles. It's surprising the amount of damage a math manual can cause when thrown by an angry teenage girl.   
One long minute passed, alarm working non-stop, before Hikari's sleeping form finally started to move. If the alarm had been close to her bed, she would likely have stretched an arm and shut it off, or worse, thrown it against a wall, but experience had long ago taught the girl that it was best to keep her alarm out of reach on the opposite side of the room. With a grunt, a disheveled head emerged from below her covers. Worrying about Asuka, Hikari hadn't slept much the night before and so, she wasn't really happy to hear the sound she dreaded every morning.   
She yawned, then opened her eyes, to gasp in surprise as a little bundle of energy jumped into her bed.   
"ONEECHAN!"   
Hikari silently cursed herself for forgetting her backup alarm clock. If the sharp buzzing couldn't pull her out of her sleep, Nozomi usually did. For a moment, Hikari wished that she was older and living on her own; at least then she might perhaps be able to sleep as much as she wanted to. Although, part of her pointed out that it might actually be even better to be older and living with someone she could cuddle in bed... someone like Touji.   
She wondered how he was. She hadn't been able to see him ever since that time after the incident with Unit-03. And at the time, it had taken a lot of pleading with Major Katsuragi to manage a few minutes.   
While part of her thoughts were wandering, another part realized something was wrong. And it seemed to be related with Nozomi jumping on her bed...   
Asuka!   
Panicked, Hikari looked around, afraid that her sister was jumping all over her friend. But she quickly realized that the redhead was nowhere to be seen. She wasn't sure if she should feel relieved or worried at that thought.   
"Nozomi. Did you... did you see my friend Asuka?"   
"Oh!" exclaimed the little girl as enlightenment seemed to hit her. "I almost forgot! Langley-san told me to wake you up! Come, come!"   
"Huh? Where?"   
"To the kitchen silly! Come, come! Langley-san made breakfast!"   
Hikari suddenly felt quite lost here. From a conversation she had heard, not intentionally, between the members of the "idiot trio", Shinji was apparently the one that did everything in their apartment. The cooking, cleaning and washing. She was told that Misato sometimes cooked, but the result apparently ranged from bland to awful, depending if her charges were lucky that day, each time she tried. Never had she heard anything about Asuka cooking before.   
Dragging herself out of bed, she followed her over-energized sister toward the kitchen. For a moment, she wondered if Asuka's notion of breakfast for Nozomi had been a few bars of chocolate with chocolate milk; Nozomi sure showed all the signs of being on a sugar high.   
Hikari gasped at the sight that awaited her. While she felt like she had gone to Hell and back, Asuka seems as fresh as a daisy. She was already in her school uniform, her hair combed and had a large smile on her face. But the scarier part was probably the fact that she was wearing a pink apron, standing in front of the kitchen table where she could see a stack of pancakes.   
"Guten Morgen, Hikari-chan!"   
Hikari nearly fainted in hearing this overly cheerful Asuka.   
"Good... good morning... Asuka..."   
"Langley-san made pancakes! They look so yummy!"   
Nozomi nearly jumped toward her seat, where Asuka handed her a plate that she filled with an handful of pancakes. After adding a bit of raspberry syrup, the little kid began to chow down on her meal.   
"Something smells good in here."   
Again, Hikari's eyes went wide as she saw her other sister exit her room. She usually ate on her own while studying a bit.   
"Langley-san made pancakes! Langley-san made pancakes!"   
"I heard you the first time, squirt."   
Calm as always, the complete opposite of her younger sister, Kodama sat down and was served a few pancakes by Asuka.   
"Umm... good too. Hikari usually prefers a more traditional type of breakfast. Interesting change."   
Hikari couldn't believe her eyes. Kodama was sitting at the table AND was making conversation?   
"Don't you want one?" asked Asuka as she grabbed a pancake with a fork and wiggled it in front of her friend.   
Seeing that all eyes were on her, Hikari sat down. After a bite, she had to admit, it was very good. Very good indeed. She watched, as both her sisters smiled and complimented the EVA pilot again.   
The pigtailed girl frowned. They rarely complemented her on her cooking.   
She felt... very annoyed.   
But she couldn't help but worry. This... didn't seem like Asuka at all...   
Something was wrong here. Very wrong.   
  


- - -

Most people were usually intimidated by the size and dark ambiance that characterised Ikari Gendo's office. Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki Kuzo was used to it. It was an office he had visited quite often in the last year. In fact, he was currently playing Go with Ikari. It was one of the rare pastimes the Commander seemed to have. And even in this case, they still talked business, to his regret.   
"I've received a report from Major Katsuragi," said Fuyutsuki, as he made his move. The commander gave a short glance to the pile of reports his second in command had put on his desk earlier. "The details were sketchy, but it seems that the Second Children went through another trauma, similar to those noted in her file."   
As Kuzo expected, Ikari showed no reaction.   
"Was it necessary to detain the Second Children?"   
"No. In fact, reports from Section 2 didn't note anything unusual about the pilot, other than that she appeared unusually cheery this morning. It seems consistent with previous occurrences."   
"People continue to live by forgetting things."   
Kuzo was tempted to comment that some people here were actually doing quite the opposite, but wasn't in the mood to start an argument with Ikari. Besides, he himself was among those people.   
"Nevertheless, at this stage, we can't afford a mentally unstable pilot. Not with Unit-01's pilot incapacitated. If we also lose Unit-02's pilot, it would leave Rei on her own. In her report, Major Katsuragi suggested that we find and train a new backup pilot as soon as possible. I would tend to agree."   
"I have already discussed these matters with the Committee and request for a Fifth Children has been denied. The old men seem more worried by the incident with the Third Children and how it fits in their scenario than by our increasing difficulties to defend against the Angels. But don't worry, old friend. If the Second Children does indeed become of no use and the Committee still refuses us the Fifth Children, then the Fourth remains available."   
The older man gasped at those words.   
"Ikari! That's insane! The boy is missing an arm and a leg!"   
"He is alive. And he was able to synch with Unit-03 before it was taken over by the Thirteenth Angel. That is all that matters."   
"Why must those children suffer so much?"   
"Because we have no other choice."   
There was a moment of silence as both men went on with their game.   
"By the way Ikari, how is your son? I unfortunately didn't have the chance to see him since the... incident. It must be a strange sight. It's been fourteen years, but I can still remember the day Yui-kun showed him to me. She's always been so proud of him. But then again, he was a very cute baby."   
Fuyutsuki almost had trouble not grinning from ear to ear. The occasions to tease Ikari were so sparse...   
"I hear that Major Katsuragi has grown very attached to him in such a short amount of time. And it seems that he's all Lieutenant Ibuki and Doctor Akagi ever talk about of late... well on the rare times they show themselves anyway. I even hear that Rei herself fell under his charm."   
While no reaction could be read in the Commander's face, Fuyutsuki won the game for a change.   
  


- - -

In the bath, baby Shinji giggled as he splashed water all over Rei's face with his little hands.   
The girl smiled, and laughed. Not a loud one, but one of joy and delight.   


[To be continued...]   
  
  


Omake/Extra: 

Misato let out a loud sigh as she sank into the tub. It felt so good to relax after such a long day. Sure, Shinji slept most of the time, but when he was awake... It made her long to get back to work at NERV. That was never anywhere near as stressful as trying to take care of a baby.   
Oh, well. Rei was there, looking after him, finally giving her time to herself. Nothing to do but just lay back, relax, and soak for a long time...   
"Major Katsuragi! Come here! Quickly!"   
Misato sat up instantly. That had sounded like Rei. But it couldn't have. It was too excited. And Rei was never excited about anything.   
"Major! Come here! It's Shinji!"   
That got the Operations Director out of the tub and out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her torso, in an instant. Something was wrong. Something had happened to Shinji. Why else would Rei sound so agitated? Numerous scenarios ran through her head as she dashed to the living room. He was sick, he had hurt himself (the fact he wasn't crying didn't cross her mind), he had eaten something wrong... Though concerned as she was for the boy-turned-baby's well-being, the more primary thought on her mind was, "Oh, man, Ritsuko's so going to kill me!"   
When she finally arrived to the living room, she encountered Rei, who was standing in the hall waiting for her. Strangely enough, the albino girl wasn't worried in the least. In fact, she actually had a smile on her face. It made Misato worry even more, especially since Rei had less experience with babies as she did, even if Shinji had warmed to Rei rather quickly and unusually.   
"What is it?! What happened?!" she cried. "Is he hurt?! Is he sick?! Rei, tell me--"   
"Look," the girl said calmly, pointing into the living room. Misato did, and gasped.   
Shinji was up. On his legs. Standing. A little wobbly, but standing none-the-less. With his little arms stretched out at his sides, he began to take little steps across the room, hesitantly at first, but a little more quickly with each new one as he approached the two females. He was about to fall over when Misato quickly reached forward and caught him.   
"I thought that you would want to witness his first steps," Rei said, a hint of bliss in her voice.   
Misato said nothing, not even to bother to correct the First Children that it technically wasn't Shinij's first steps. Instead, she just held the little baby in her arms, hugging him as he gurgled and cooed happily.   
"Such a big boy," she whispered, and gave him a little kiss on his forehead. "Yes you are, my little Shinji..."   
Her little Shinji said nothing, save for a little coo as he laid his head on her bosom. Which was now bare after Misato's towel had fallen off.   


[This scene was a suggestion from my friend Jeremy Mullin. I couldn't use it, however, as Shinji is much too young in T3B to walk. It was a cute scene however and I didn't want it to go to waste.]   
  
  


Author's notes: 

Well, this is the revised edition of what originally was Chapter 5. I cut slightly in the Horaki family characterization and gave back some room to Rei and Misato. In whole, I think it all works better. 

For those few who have read the initial draft and actually liked very much the initial Horaki scenes, well all I can say is that I have serious intentions to write a fic that will focus on Hikari and elements brought up in this chapter's first draft. For those who wonder what I'm talking about... let's just say that you shouldn't expect a happy fic. And don't expect it too soon either. 

"Why such a characterization of Hikari's family life?" some might ask? Well, in NGE, Hikari was what many people considered as only the 'normal' character in the show. I had to change that. Surely there was more to Hikari than a nice girl and a sometimes overzealous class representative. Of course, I could have chosen a nicer family picture, but that's just how things flew. 

   [1]: mailto:rakna@globetrotter.qc.ca



	6. Chapter 6 A walk to the park

**Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters**   
  
Written by [Alain Gravel][1]

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX   
Started on June 30th 2000   
First pre-reader draft finished on November 14th 2000   
Second pre-reader draft finished on March 7th 2001   
Final draft finished on March 20th 2001   
  


* * *

  


Chapter 6 - A walk to the park

Ayanami Rei felt... lost.   
When she had made the decision to skip school to take care of Shinji, it had seemed like the right thing to do. Despite all that had been taught to her by Commander Ikari, she knew _this_ was her place, even if only for a short amount of time. She couldn't explain it, it was just something that she knew deep down.   
Never before in her life had she felt something this strongly. In fact, it occurred to her that she never had any thoughts of her own before Ikari Shinji had appeared in her life. At first, she had rationalized that this was because she was a soldier of sorts, and soldiers didn't need to think by themselves, only obey orders.   
But she no longer felt like a soldier.   
So, she now found herself... on her own. There was no longer a routine for her to follow. Even before, when she started helping the Major take care of the baby, it hadn't caused extreme changes to her way of life. She still woke up at the same time, went to school, left school, did her homework and slept. Taking care of the child was an addition, but it didn't disturb her daily routine too much.   
But now she had chosen to break it.   
That being so, she had no idea on how to proceed with her day, and this made her uneasy and confused. To make matters worse, Major Katsuragi had taken this opportunity to finally escape the apartment. While the Major very much enjoyed taking care of Shinji, being forced to stay in the apartment was, in her own words, slowly driving her crazy. With the Major gone, Rei found herself without anyone to ask for advice about her current situation.   
For a moment, she had figured that she could simply take care of the baby's needs and do nothing between each task. It wouldn't, after all, be much different than her usual days in school where all she would do was spend the day looking outside. But she eventually changed her mind. After all, what would be the point of making such a change in her life if, in the end, it remained almost the same?   
But as she thought again about those days in school, an idea slowly came to her. She could remember a feeling, one that she had refused so far to admit. A longing. A longing to be out there, free, to feel the sun, wind and rain against her skin. To be part of that world out there, if only for an instant. Not to be bound by duty and fate, but to simply be, without any other purpose than her own existence.   
The idea became more substantial as she stared at the stroller which had been put in a corner of the living room, and had stayed there, unused until now. And a smile grew on the girl's face.   
  


- - -

A worried look on her face, Horaki Hikari watched her friend Sohryu Asuka Langley. The class representative hadn't been able to clear her mind of the feeling that something was wrong with the Evangelion pilot. Her behavior at breakfast. How cheerful she had been on her way to school, and even before classes had begun. Kensuke had almost suffered from a heart attack when the German girl gave him a cheerful welcome into class. Even now, he was still taking paranoid glances at the redhead every five minutes or so. There wasn't, however, much for him to see, as Asuka's cheerful attitude had now faded like snow in a desert under the afternoon sun. She was staring into space right in front of her, almost as if she was able to actually see something beyond the class wall. Her previously joyous expression had melted away, leaving behind a girl that looked more like an empty shell than the exuberant girl Hikari had grown to know. Something was wrong with her friend, and Hikari was determined to know what it was. She had suspected for a long time now that Asuka was keeping something dark and painful buried deeply inside her, behind her strong and confident air. It was something she could recognize. Asuka's pride and anger were masks she used to hide things too painful for her to face. And something had happened, something that made it no longer possible for Asuka to keep up the act. The previous night, she had seen the true Asuka Langley; a scared and hurt child.   
"I won't give up, Asuka," thought the pigtailed girl. "I'll do what I can to help you."   
  


- - -

Lau Mei-Ling let out a sigh of relief as she sat down on a small wooden bench. She praised herself for her idea of taking her two children, who were now heading toward a sandbox to play with other children, to the park with her. Maybe now they could burn some of that youthful energy for a while, so that she might go back in peace to the mall for another round of clothes hunting. Her children grew out of their clothes so fast, if she didn't know better, she would swear that they were doing it on purpose. She shook her head and tried to use this opportunity to relax herself. After all, as she patted her slightly bulging belly, stress was not welcome in her condition.   
For a moment - she knew that she couldn't indulge herself for long, as she still had to watch over her children, especially her younger boy - she closed her eyes. The air was filled with the sound of children's laughter and the occasional cicada, as well as with the smell of flowers and trees. It was hard to believe that this park, no matter how little, was right in the center of Tokyo-3, a city-fortress in the middle of a war with dangerous unearthly beings.   
So, even if only for short time, she let herself be fooled by the illusion of peaceful moments before opening her eyes again and seeing the tall buildings of Tokyo-3, half of them dedicated to warfare, which even the tallest trees of the small park could not completely hide. With her third child to be born in six weeks, she realized that she would probably have to do what many other mothers had done before her and leave the city, in case the worst was to happen. She didn't want to break her family apart, even if only temporarily, but she could no longer put her children into this kind of danger. The list of casualties caused by the Fourteenth Angel was kept a secret, but rumor was that the shelter in sector 6B had been completely destroyed. Had the Angel attacked an hour earlier, she would have found herself in that shelter since she had been in that section of the city at the time...   
Her husband would either have to understand or quit NERV. If such a thing was possible.   
Looking back at the children, she noted with satisfaction that her seven year old daughter was pushing her five year old brother on one of the swings. He seemed to be competing with another boy to see who could go higher. After telling her children to be careful, she let her mind wander for a while, until she noticed someone coming her way, pushing a stroller. At first, she mistook the newcomer for a boy. The white baseball cap, the big backpack and the loose, dark blue T-shirt the girl wore did a good job in hiding most of the teenager's emerging female curves, but as she walked closer, it was clear that the person's face was too feminine to be a boy's face.   
"What a strange girl," thought Mei-Ling.   
While the blue hair was rather odd, Mei-Ling had learned not to think twice about the way teenagers could sometime look. She could remember a time when she had herself dyed her hair pink and started wearing outfits that would have looked more welcome in an S&M bar than anywhere else. She cringed at the embarrassing memory. What was strange, however, was the pale white skin and the crimson eyes. There was something about those eyes, they seemed too intense for simply being the result of wearing red tinted contact lenses. Maybe the girl was an albino. She had heard that those people had pale skin and red eyes. And it would explain the cap.   
The women's assumptions were close to the truth, since Rei had indeed put the cap on to protect her face and eyes from the sun, even if she wasn't technically albino. The fact was that Rei could actually take as much sun as she wanted without ever fearing sunburn, unlike what people tended to think. Her vision, however was more used to dark environments, like her apartment and the lower levels of Geofront, so direct exposure with the sun was a bit painful.   
Rei was used to people staring at her. Her appearance had always attracted attention, so it was something that she had learned to ignore. But she found herself unable to ignore the woman seated near. In herself, the woman didn't look unusual. She was of Asian origin, with shoulder length jet black hair, chocolate brown eyes and not much taller then herself. She was probably nearing her thirties. A typical sight in Tokyo-3. What Rei did find unusual about her was her belly.   
Though many aspects of life eluded her, Rei wasn't so naive as to ignore how babies came to be. Human biology was a subject she had studied with rapt interest, and her studies had included human reproduction. She had even gone as far as reading several manuals on reproductive techniques themselves. Although she did wonder why some of those manuals, which she had found discarded on a heap of trash, had so many pictures and so little relevant text. In any case, while Rei knew all that was involved with human reproduction, this was the first time she had actually encountered a pregnant human female. The knowledge that another life was taking form within this woman was both intriguing and fascinating.   
Whatever apprehension Mei-Ling had felt toward the girl slowly disappeared as she noticed the intense interest the girl had toward her bulging belly. There was marvel and curiosity in the child's eyes. And maybe even a longing.   
The remaining restraint Mei-Ling had been keeping vanished and she finally stopped herself from staring at the girl and took serious notice of the girl's stroller. Or rather, the stroller's contents.   
"Oh! What a cute baby!"   
Mei-Ling had always been an extrovert. Second Impact had cut short her studies, but she hadn't minded at the time; her job as a waitress had been enough to satisfy her. She really just loved meeting new people. Even after marrying and moving to Tokyo-3 she had kept a very open life, usually going to the mall or other crowded places just to see new, unfamiliar faces. Only the sudden decrease in Tokyo-3 population had forced her to change that aspect of her life.   
Another thing Mei-Ling loved was children, and especially babies. Maybe that was the reason why she had a third child on the way and suspected that it wouldn't be her last. It was a dream of hers to eventually open a small private daycare center. Maybe she would after moving to her cousin's home in Osaka.   
The sudden squeal from the woman woke the previously sleeping Shinji. Rei looked at him worriedly, expecting him to burst into tears. The child yawned and then opened his cute little eyes. He first noticed the reassuring presence of Rei, then noticed a new face looking at him. It was a nice face, with a warm, cheerful smile.   
"Gah!"   
Rei let out an almost imperceptible sigh of relief at Shinji's apparent happy mood.   
"Oh, he's so precious!" said Mei-Ling cheerfully as Shinji giggled. The sight brought a shy smile on Rei's face. "He looks just like you! Are you his older sister?"   
Rei frowned. She hadn't expected this. She couldn't tell this woman the truth. But she didn't want to walk away or ignore her either.   
"I... yes... Yes, I am his sister."   
For some reason, the girl felt that she was slightly blushing at the thought of such a suggestion. Being Ikari-kun's sister...   
Yet, for some reason, it actually felt right.   
"Oh! How nice of you to take care of him!" Then the woman's eyes narrowed as she remembered something. "But shouldn't you be in school?"   
"Our mother drank too much yesterday night and therefore is unfit to take care of my... brother... this morning."   
Rei was no stranger to lies. Most of what people believed as truth in NERV were usually lies. She had observed how people like the Commander or Doctor Akagi could either omit or disguise the truth, for the interest of greater goals. But knowing something and practicing it were two separate things altogether. Thus, Rei made a very bad liar. While she didn't mind, Mei-Ling saw through Rei's words without any efforts.   
"Well, it's okay... I skipped school myself quite a few times. At least you're taking care of your brother instead of wasting your time on less productive things. I don't know many kids who would do that."   
"I enjoy taking care of him."   
"I'm sure you do. He's such a cutie! Could I hold him?"   
Only the suggestion itself sent waves of fear through the girl's spine. For some reason, the concept of someone else holding Shinji was... unwelcome. She had noticed that she had grown progressively uneasy even when the Major was holding the child. She knew of course that such a thought was irrational; after all, the Major had been taking care of Shinji days before she had herself joined the Major in this task. But she couldn't help the feelings that overcame her more and more. A need to protect the child and a tinge of jealousy each time someone else held him.   
"I... I..."   
Mei-Ling didn't miss the worry that came across the girl's face. For a moment, she thought about telling the girl that she could forget about that request, but that baby was so cute!   
"There's nothing to worry about. You see those two kids there? They're mine. So holding a baby is no new experience for me."   
Rei looked at the children. They seemed happy, joyful. She could remember once being that age. Has she ever been that happy in her life? Had... had the first Rei ever felt that way? She couldn't remember. What few experiences she had retained from the first were sparse, and she usually tried not to think about them. Some were... painful.   
Then she looked at the woman. Such expectations...   
It took almost all of Mei-Ling's will not to look away as Rei stared at her. Her glare almost seemed to bore right through her and look at her naked soul...   
"You can hold him... for a minute."   
The smile on Mei-Ling's face widened, and she gently took Shinji out of the stroller. So tiny, so cute!   
Rei gave her a look of approval as she noted that the woman did indeed know well how to handle a baby, probably even better than her or the Major. She watched as Mei-Ling tickled Shinji, who in turn giggled with delight. Then the older woman gave the child back to Rei, who delicately put him back in the stroller and adjusted his covers.   
"You take great care of your brother. I'm sure you'll make a great mother someday."   
Rei froze at those words. A mother. Ikari-kun had said once that she looked like a mother. Was that it? Was this why her actions and thoughts were so erratic of late? She knew within herself that that woman was wrong. She would never be a mother. But now that Ikari-kun was reduced to the state of an infant... Did she unconsciously seize the opportunity to be, if only for a short time, something that she was not meant to be?   
Rei's musing was cut short by the arrival of Mei-Ling's two bundles of energy.   
"Mamma! I'm thirsty..." whined the elder child.   
"Thirsty!" her younger brother cheerfully repeated.   
Mei-Ling smiled as she ruffled her son's hair.   
"Cheng-Yi, Jia-Ying, say 'hello' to the young lady here."   
Obviously used to this, the older girl politely bowed.   
"Hello, obaa-san."   
While Mei-Ling's daughter showed exemplary behavior, the same didn't occur with the little boy. As soon as Rei's gaze crossed his own, he looked away in fright and grabbed hold of his mother's leg.   
"What's wrong, dear?" asked Mei-Ling to her son.   
"Scary! Girl scary!" whimpered the child.   
This was enough to trigger flashes of memories within Rei. How children often reacted to her on the street. Fear, disgust, rejection. The teasing people gave her at the beginning of high school, before they got tired of her ignoring them. Monster. Demon. Ghost. Robot. Doll. Names that she usually just ignored. Because deep down, she could not blame them. She _was_ different from them. Was it not in man's nature to fear what he couldn't understand?   
But this time, the words struck a chord within her, emotions usually carefully kept in check suddenly awoke.   
"I... I... I must go..."   
Rei ignored the woman's attempts to calm her son, or her words of apologies. It was something that she wasn't even aware of. The only thing that seemed to exist, at that moment, was pain, loneliness and rejection.   
And thus, Ayanami Rei ran away, pushing the stroller as fast as she could. Mei-Ling was already far behind when Rei realized that tears were ran freely on her cheeks.   
"Poor girl," thought Mei-Ling. "And I don't even know her name..."   
It was a shame really. With most of her friends gone, Mei-Ling often felt alone, even with her children around. Her husband was overworked, so they barely saw each other anymore. For some reason, she had liked this girl. She could have made some nice company. Not to mention that she might also have been a good potential baby-sitter.   
  


- - -

Hikari found Asuka on the school roof. The German girl had run out of the classroom the moment the morning classes were over and it had taken Hikari a substantial portion of her lunch time to track her friend down. Asuka never ate alone, and the rooftop had been the one of last places Hikari had thought to look. She only thought about it when it occurred to her that this was the place where Touji usually went, aside from the basketball court, when he wanted to be alone.   
"These two are more alike then they might think," she thought with a small, albeit sad, smile.   
She approached her friend slowly, giving her all the opportunity to react to her intrusion of her privacy. Asuka was laying on her back and staring at the sky, a vacant look on her face. Hikari noted that an opened bento was laying at her side, with barely a third of its contents eaten. This confirmed Hikari's guess that something was wrong with her friend. In the time she had known Asuka, she had never skipped a meal, except if it was made by her guardian, and usually, when those rare occurrences happened, the German girl would find a way to tease/threaten/blackmail poor Ikari-kun into buying her a lunch.   
"Mind if I sit?"   
The girl stayed silent, so Hikari decided that it wasn't a 'no' and sat down at her friend's right. She looked up at the clouds herself for a few moments before trying to interact with Asuka again.   
"Nice day, uh?"   
Inwardly, Hikari scolded herself. Didn't she have anything better to talk about than weather? But then, she realized, Asuka was usually the one who started conversations. It was never a problem, it almost seemed that the Evangelion pilot always had something to say, even if most of the time it was complaining about all the little inconveniences in her life. Hikari actually found herself at a loss here. What could she say? How could she manage to get Asuka to talk about her problem? The last thing she wanted was to be too insistent and rush Asuka into telling her what was disturbing her.   
"What do you want?" Asuka finally said as she raised herself to a sitting position.   
Hikari smiled. It seemed that there was still some life in her friend. And if she had to choose, an annoyed Asuka was better than an unemotional one. Also, this gave her the opportunity she was looking for. It seemed that Asuka wanted to get this over with. So she might as well be direct herself.   
"What's wrong Asuka? You're not yourself today."   
"There's nothing wrong. So you can just stop worrying and leave me alone."   
"Asuka... Don't even try telling me that nothing's wrong. I'm not stupid. I was there yesterday night, remember? I was the one who carried you home and..."   
"SHUT UP!" shouted Asuka as she nearly jumped up and glared down at her friend. "Nothing happened last night, you hear me!? NOTHING happened!"   
All around school, Horaki Hikari was known to be one the sweetest people you could find. Strict, perhaps, while in class, but she hardly ever got angry at anyone and when she did, it was usually short lived. But even Hikari had her limits.   
"I won't shut up! Something serious happened yesterday! You'd still be laying in a puddle on the street if I hadn't dragged you home!"   
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Nothing happened! We went directly to your apartment after school! NOTHING ELSE happened!"   
Hikari had been about to reply to the girl's words, when something clicked in her mind. Here was Asuka insisting that nothing had happened the previous night. All day, she had tried to act in public as if she didn't have a care in the world. She acted _happy_. It finally occurred to Hikari that Asuka wasn't trying to convince her that the previous night had been uneventful; she was trying to convince herself. Something had happened and Asuka was trying with all her might to deny it.   
She was... trying to deny the truth... 

The older sister stood, tears streaking her teenage face, in front of her middle sister.   
_"Hikari-chan... Kaa-san... kaa-san's gone now..."_   
_"NO! Oneechan! You're lying, you're lying! Mamma can't be dead!"_   
_"Hikari-chan..."_   
Kodama tried to hug her sister, but the smaller girl escaped from her arms and ran past her, into her parent's bedroom. Her mother lay on the bed. Her eyes were closed, and for the first time since she had been sick, she seemed at peace. Surely she couldn't be dead. She couldn't! It just wouldn't be fair!   
_"Mamma! Mamma! MAMMA!"_   
The little girl tried to shake her mother awake, but without success. Because she would never wake again.   
_"You can't be dead Mamma! You can't be! MAMMA!"_

Sadness having replaced anger, Hikari felt tears welling up in her eyes at the memory. For a long time she had tried to deny the truth, eventually trying to take her mother's place at home, to _be_ her. Slowly, as she had grown older, she had finally accepted the truth, but still, there were times...   
Perhaps for the first time, Hikari now understood how her sister Kodama felt toward her.   
She wondered... if Asuka wanted to forget what had happened, could she really help her? What should she do, go along with her delusion, or try to help her face whatever was troubling her? Playing along with Asuka would be easier, but wouldn't it be more harmful in the long run?   
"Asuka... you just can't try to deny reality. It never works."   
The German girl just gave Hikari a nasty glare as the class representative got up.   
"You don't have to keep all this to yourself. You can't keep your pain bottled up inside forever... eventually, I'll tear you apart."   
"Don't talk about things you don't know about!"   
"Baka! Do you think that you're alone in the world? Do you think that everyone else aside from poor miserable Asuka is always happy? Well guess what?! That's not true! We all have our problems! And yes, there are other people who can be hurt just as you are! But you're just too damn egocentric to realize that!"   
Hikari took a deep breath and tried to clear her head. Shouting at Asuka surely wouldn't help.   
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't be yelling at you. But Asuka... I know what you're going through... I understand more than you might think."   
For a moment, it almost seemed as Hikari's sincere feelings were reaching through to Asuka. The class representative couldn't help but smile slightly. She might be able to help her friend after all.   
"Let me help you."   
For a second, Hikari got the definite impression that her words did indeed reach Asuka. The German girl seemed almost... grateful. But then, her expression suddenly shifted, to be replaced by burning hatred. Before she knew it, Hikari found herself falling backward, under the blow of a vicious slap.   
Hikari had often pitied Ikari-kun. Now she couldn't help but admire him. That had hurt! A lot! She wondered how he managed to put up with it.   
"I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY! LEAVE ME ALONE!"   
Asuka left the rooftop before Hikari could even think of what to do next.   
"Asuka... don't run from your friends...", she whispered, as she touched her already swelling cheek.   
  


- - -

Rei let out a small sigh of relief as she set foot into the Geofront. It was quieter, cooler, and the air, despite being artificial, seemed cleaner. She knew of course that while the Geofront sphere itself was of unknown origin, all that was inside it was man made. What seemed like the light of a bright afternoon was only the result of a carefully planned projector array. The trees and grass had been planted by man, the huge lake near NERV's headquarters had been dug then filled with water by man. Life inside the sphere was entirely fake. But it didn't matter to Rei. She knew this fake world better than the outside one. And in the end, if she removed her shoes and socks, the grass under her feet would feel as real as the one on the outside.   
It was probably more fitting, too. After all, she herself was as artificial as everything around her. This was her universe, one she would probably never escape, despite whatever foolish dreams she may have the folly to try to grasp.   
As she thought back to what had occurred earlier, Rei felt great shame and a sense of failure. She had lost control again and had let herself be completely driven by her emotions. She couldn't even remember clearly how she had actually found herself on her way into the Geofront. More importantly, the incident had reminded her of her place in the world. For a moment, she had thought of herself as a real person, and had paid for that. While she was quite used to physical pain, Rei had never faced emotional pain in such a way. Now she understood why Ikari-kun tried so hard to avoid it.   
Leaving the stroller behind as it slowed down her progress in the grass, Rei walked aimlessly, Shinji cradled in her arms. She could have returned to the Major's apartment, but felt suddenly unsure that she could remain calm under the stares of people in the streets. She didn't belong there, not the way she wanted, as a teenager carrying a baby with her, and she was certain that everyone would notice now. They had probably noticed all along; she just hadn't cared before.   
"Ayanami!"   
The girl almost jumped as she heard her name called in a voice she knew, but not a familiar one. She turned toward the source of the voice to see the man called Kaji Ryouji. He smiled and waved at her to come to him. Rei complied and frowned as she approached him, perplexed by his actions. He was standing in front of a small melon patch and appeared to be sprinkling them.   
"Miss Ayanami, what a nice surprise, seeing you here. How are you?"   
Rei blinked. People rarely inquired about her well being.   
Kaji smiled, a warm very inviting smile. His gaze bore directly into hers, instead of looking away like people usually did. For the first time in her life Rei had to look away, and she felt her cheeks grow slightly hot under the man's scrutiny.   
"I... I am well."   
"Good to hear. I see that you're taking a walk with baby Shinji. You two make a lovely pair."   
"I... thank you."   
Again, he smiled at her. And while he kept sprinkling the small garden at his feet, Kaji's eyes remained on her. Rei grew progressively more uncomfortable. What was she supposed to do in such a situation? What had been that man's purpose in inviting her over? Were they supposed to engage in what people called small talk? She remembered her earlier contact with the woman in the park. She remembered how she had somehow desired to participate in a form of bonding with that woman. She also remembered how it had disastrously ended. But there were no children here...   
"What... what are you doing?" tentatively asked Rei.   
The man's face lit up at her question. Rei smiled lightly as she got the impression that she had apparently done right.   
"Good of you to ask, Miss Ayanami. What you see here is a hobby of mine. I'm growing watermelons. And since this may be my last opportunity, I thought that I'd come here and sprinkle a little bit. It's surely not as complicated as taking care of little Shinji-kun here, but watching those little things grow sure has its rewards."   
The girl gave a perplexed look at the fruits. Waiting for plants to grow was enjoyable?   
"This is a hobby?"   
"Oh, why, yes! And a very relaxing one. You know, if you hand me little Shinji, you could try sprinkling a bit if you'd like..."   
  


- - -

Asuka stared at the forest green metal door in front of her. She didn't know how long she had been sitting on that toilet seat, staring blankly at the stall door. Seconds, or maybe minutes? She wasn't sure. The only things on her mind were recollections of what had just occurred. The anger had left her as she had been running down the stairs leading to the school rooftop, leaving her with confusion and guilt.   
"I've hit Hikari..."   
Asuka was a violent person. She was aware of that. She would yell at people, insult them, sometime even hurt them physically. She also considered that the people she hurt, should it be physically or verbally, deserved it. Because they were annoying, because they were perverts, or because they couldn't even stand up for themselves like Baka Shinji and Wonder Girl. Asuka did her best to every day live up to high standards she had set and she expected people around her to do the same. If they didn't, then then also didn't deserve her respect.   
So, while she didn't feel remorseful about the way she treated a good portion of her classmates, what she had just done was something different all together. She had hit Hikari, someone who had quickly gained her respect. Someone who she had come to consider... a friend.   
Because she had been willing to try to help her.   
Hikari's offer had been so appealing. To finally be able to talk to someone, say the things she had buried at the bottom of her heart and never revealed to anyone. Not to those NERV psychiatrists, not to her so called family, not to Misato and not even to Kaji. But accepting someone's help... Long ago, Asuka had sworn to herself that whatever happened, she would manage on her own.   
Out of habit, Asuka reacted with Hikari as she always did, before even realizing it. Thinking about what she had done almost made her feel sick with herself. Yet, the worst was... part of her was proud that she had rejected her friend in such a way.   
_"She should have minded her own business."_   
_"She was just worried."_   
_"You don't need her pity."_   
_"It was just friendship."_   
_"You don't need her. You don't need anybody."_   
_"I don't need a friend... but I want one."_   
There was nothing wrong with wanting company, was there? She knew she didn't need it, that she could very well go on her own. So was there anything wrong with having a friend?   
Not that it mattered anymore. Hikari wouldn't forgive her...   
She had lost her only friend. She was truly alone now.   
But wasn't it what she had wished deep down? After all, if there isn't anyone you care about, then no one can leave you...   
With all her strength, Asuka threw her right fist at the stall door.   
"I'm pathetic..."   
Tears flowed down her cheeks, which she attributed to the pain she had felt when flesh had hit metal.   
Part of her did point out, however, that she had felt worse physical pain while piloting EVA...   
  


- - -

Misato felt good. Now, this wasn't the kind of good she usually felt after her sixth beer, but rather the good of someone who had spent a very pleasant day and was equally pleased with her actions.   
The day had started rather badly. Misato still worried about Asuka, and Rei's sudden decision to skip school had not helped a fast growing headache. But a good bath and cup of strong coffee helped clear her thoughts a bit, and soon Misato realized the advantages of this new reality. Mainly that she could leave Shinji in Rei's care any time of the day and _finally_ leave the apartment for a few hours. Not just to do some quick shopping or because of a health care emergency, but simply to relax and have fun.   
That is, once she made sure that Asuka was alright.   
She almost hadn't made it, but apparently her short, forced vacation hadn't impeded her legendary (and dreaded) driving skills. So Misato managed to get to the Children's school with a few seconds to spare, before Asuka and Hikari showed up. Most likely, Asuka never noticed the blue sport car on the other side of the street, since she never gave it a glance and just walked toward the school building, a smile on her face and chatting happily with her friend. Relieved that her charge seemed in a better condition than the last time she had seen her, Misato headed out toward the mall with a worry free mind.   
For a change, Misato actually had some money in her account. If the decision to stop drinking had proven to be a healthy one -- it pained Misato to admit it, but life was more enjoyable without a perpetual hangover -- it had also been a good one moneywise. The Major could hardly believe how much money she had saved just by not buying any beer in nearly two weeks. Having managed to have Shinji's needs covered by the scientific division budget -- diapers and baby food were so expensive after all -- and with Asuka away, Misato had also found her regular weekly expenses greatly diminished. Life was good.   
When she returned to the apartment around lunch time to see how Rei and Shinji were doing, Misato carried a few bags with her, the results of hours of shopping. While she had shown some moderation, just in case she would have to meet some unexpected expenses, Misato had still picked up two new set of clothes for herself and two for Rei. God knew the girl still needed to let up a bit, and Misato figured that perhaps an addition to her rather bland... wardrobe -- if you could call a few school uniforms a wardrobe -- would help. But what made her smile the most were the clothes she had picked up for Shinji. Some were a few sizes too big, like that cute little sailor uniform or the plugsuit like pajama, but she just couldn't resist buying them. Besides, he'd eventually grow big enough to wear them, right?   
"Rei! Shin-chan! I'm home!"   
Misato almost shook with excitement, a smile threatening to split her face in two. She couldn't wait to show Rei what she had bought and to try a few things on Shinji!   
Misato frowned when no one replied, but that wasn't enough to damper her mood.   
"Maybe they're asleep..."   
Misato soon started to worry, however, as she found Shinji's crib empty.   
"Rei?"   
While it could manage to accommodate three roommates, Misato's apartment wasn't very big, so it took little time for her to realize that Rei and Shinji where nowhere to be found. Discarded on the kitchen table, three shopping bags and their contents were soon forgotten as the Major grew more and more worried.   
"They're gone..."   
  


- - -

Through a strange twist of fate, or perhaps a simple mundane coincidence, Katsuragi Misato wasn't the only person who was growing more and more worried with each passing minute. While the feeling had been plaguing Hikari since morning, it had been growing in intensity as students -- the very few that were still attending classes -- were one by one taking their places. It became clear when the teacher finally came in that Asuka wouldn't be coming back.   
Silently, Hikari cursed herself for her stupidity. It was likely that despite her good intentions, she had just made an already delicate situation even worse. Whatever the reason, Asuka was going through a difficult time and somehow... Hikari felt that she had failed her friend.   
Perhaps she was worrying over nothing, but still, Hikari couldn't help it. In the wrong frame of mind, people could do some pretty stupid things. Hoshino Yuki came to mind. The girl had been in Hikari's class since the beginning of high school and while she wasn't a close friend, she was a pleasant girl to know. That is, until the Third Angel attacked. After that day, Yuki had isolated herself more and more from the others and eventually blended into the class picture in a manner similar to Ayanami Rei. Unnoticed by anyone, Yuki had been slipping into a deep depression, and it had almost taken a turn for the worse one day when Yuki had been left alone to finish her cleaning duties. Having forgotten some papers she needed to give to a sick classmate, Hikari had found Yuki sitting on the classroom floor about to slit her wrist with a knife she had brought from home. Hikari had barely managed to stop the girl and learned later that night that Yuki had been dating a boy from a higher class, who had been among the casualties of the Third Angel incident. Yuki had been moved to her uncle's place in Tokyo-2 and last Hikari had heard, was doing a lot better.   
Hikari couldn't help worrying that Asuka might try to do something similar to what Yuki had done.   
"Miss Horaki?"   
The ponytailed girl blinked, and realized that the teacher was staring at her. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she had forgotten her duties as class representative.   
"Are you alright Miss Horaki?"   
The girl felt her cheeks grow red as she realized that the entire class was staring at her. She got up and bowed in apology.   
"I... I'm alright sensei. I'm... I'm sorry, I had something on my mind. I'll pay more attention in the future."   
The teacher nodded and followed with his everlasting speech on Second Impact. Hikari sighed as people looked away to either catch a nap or do whatever they usually did when their teacher was rambling.   
Hikari herself was slowly tuning out the teacher's words to go through another round of self appointed guilt when a chat query appeared on the screen of her laptop. Normally, she would have scolded anyone who tried to used those functions of the class network during class. The fact that the request came from Kensuke's ID wouldn't have helped matters; she had told him time and time again not to use these functions for personal use. But a look at Kensuke convinced her to hear him out. He seemed worried, which wasn't a sight she was used to. 

[2A-013]: Hey, Hikari! What's wrong? 

[2A-001]: Everything's fine, Kensuke. 

[2A-013]: Save that for sensei. Had a fight with devil girl, uh? 

[2A-001]: Don't call her that! 

[2A-013]: Fine, Fine... but you two still had a fight, right? 

[2A-001]: Yeah. How did you guess? 

[2A-013]: When you're around Touji and Shinji for some time, you get to recognize her handiwork. 

Silently, Hikari touched her still swelling cheek and winced at the contact. 

[2A-013]: I guess she's lucky Touji isn't here... things could have been ugly... 

Hikari gasped, her heart leaping in her chest. Did Kensuke mean...?   
"Is there something wrong, Miss Horaki?"   
Hikari look up from her terminal, to see the entire class, and especially the teacher, staring at her. She realized that she had probably been quite expressive in her surprise. Again, she blushed heavily and got up to bow in apology.   
"Gomen nasai, sensei! This won't happen again!"   
"It better not, miss Horaki. It would look bad for a class representative to have to go to the hall and hold buckets."   
Hikari gulped. The old teacher wasn't mad, but clearly disappointed in her.   
"Yes, sensei! I understand!" replied the girl, bowing again, part of her angry at Kensuke for putting her in this situation.   
"Good. Now class, as I was saying, the days after the Second Impact were extremely hard on those who survived. I remember..."   
Tuning out the teacher's rambling like the other students, despite how risky it was, Hikari brought her attention back towards Kensuke. 

[2A-001]: Kensuke! What did you mean before?! What did you mean by "she's lucky Touji isn't here"?! 

From her position, she could clearly see Kensuke become uneasy at the question. 

[2A-013]: Nothing! It meant nothing! 

[2A-001]: KENSUKE!!! If you don't answer now, you'll get cleaning duty for a month! 

Kensuke clearly went paler with that threat. Cleaning duty for a month was, after all, a punishment nobody wanted. 

[2A-013]: I don't want to talk about that... 

[2A-001]: KENSUKE! 

[2A-013]: Hikari, please... maybe we can try to talk about that later, you know? 

[2A-001]: For you to try a 'strategic retreat'? No way! TELL ME! NOW! 

[2A-013]: *sigh* Alright, I surrender. Touji... I think... well... he likes you. 

Again, Hikari's heart leapt in her chest and she found it rather hard not to express that overwhelming sense of joy she was feeling. She knew that her cheeks were probably horribly red _again_ and that _again_ some her classmates were likely staring at her, but this time, she was beyond caring. She felt as if she was floating on a cloud. Touji... liked her... 

[2A-001]: He told you he likes me?! 

She clearly saw Kensuke sigh in defeat. 

[2A-013]: Not really like that. But you know, after his accident, Touji got depressed. I mean, he feels... well... worthless. And some of the things that he mentioned a few times was that he wouldn't be able to do sports anymore. And that he wouldn't be able to ask you out. I think he believes that he's... you know... not good enough for that now. 

Hikari blinked, trying to see if the words were real or not. Touji was thinking of asking her out? 

[2A-013]: When I talked to the nurses, they mentioned that the only time he's been happy was after your visit. 

Hikari felt her eyes grow wet as all that Kensuke had written sunk in. Touji liked her. He wanted to ask her out. But he didn't feel good enough for her now. 

[2A-001]: He really wanted to ask me out? Why didn't he do it? Or tell me he liked me? 

[2A-013]: I think that he liked you for a while, but never thought that you might be interested in a dumb jock like him. It doesn't show, but deep down, he's a shy guy. He keeps a lot of things inside. But when you brought lunch for him, he was really happy. I think that's when it became obvious, at least to HIM, that you were a bit interested. I think he considered that maybe... But he never had the chance to try and ask you out. And now... 

[2A-001]: What do you mean by "obvious to him"? 

[2A-013]: Everybody knew. It was sorta obvious that there was a bit of tension between you two. He tried to be nicer to you. You didn't punish him too badly with chores. You didn't yell at him too often about his clothes. And I think he felt a bit of jealousy about you and Asuka. 

Asuka! She hadn't thought of her at all ever since she had started talking to Kensuke. And while she couldn't help feeling a bit guilty about that... Touji liked her! It was all so confusing, she felt like a mess inside, different loyalties and feelings waging war within her. 

[2A-001]: Why would he be jealous? 

[2A-013]: The way you & Asuka hang together. The way you would laugh, chat, seem happy. I think he'd like to be able to do that with you too. 

[2A-001]: Did he tell you that? 

[2A-013]: Of course not. 

[2A-001]: Then, how can you say that? 

[2A-013]: I just know, OK? I just know it. You're cute and sweet and smart and 

Hikari was surprised to see Kensuke suddenly log off. Was there something wrong with his system? It was strange, because the school network usually worked well. Maybe she should mention this to sensei. After all, it had been a while since a check had been run on the class terminal.   
Hikari's thought were cut as she realized that Kensuke had just got up.   
"Sensei, I think I'm not feeling well. I need to go."   
There had been a certain urgency in Kensuke's tone and the old teacher saw no reason to deny the boy his request and nodded his approval, not stopping his rant about post Second Impact life. The boy then looked at Hikari and the girl's eyes went wide at what she saw. There was a sad, fragile and hurt look on his face, something that was definitely strange; the Kensuke Hikari knew seemed always happy and full of energy, taken in his passion of computers and military stuff. Then the boy gave her a weak smile and was out of the class.   
This peculiar behavior left Hikari rather perplexed. What was that all about? Then, she looked down at her terminal and the last words Kensuke had typed. Inside her mind, a few gears went into motion, put together the latest events and suddenly, Hikari added two and two together. She felt suddenly dizzy as she reached a conclusion. It might only have been a guess, but it explained everything.   
Kensuke liked her. Kensuke liked her and here she had been, showing him how delighted she was knowing that Touji liked her. Kensuke's best friend...   
"Kensuke... I didn't know..."   
For a while, Hikari stared at the door by which her friend had left, feeling like her world had been thrown upside down.   
Touji liked her and she thought she like him back. But Touji also now didn't feel worthy of her, if what Kensuke had said was correct. He was hurting, and hurting alone.   
Kensuke liked her too, while knowing that she liked Touji. She really didn't know what to think about that, except that she felt really sad and guilty. Kensuke was probably hurting a lot because or her.   
And there was Asuka. But right now, her worries about her friend seemed somehow insignificant, compared to those for Touji and Kensuke. She had already done all that she could for Asuka. Maybe her sister was right. Maybe it was time that she focussed on her own problems now...   
"Sensei. I think that there was something wrong with Aida-kun. I ask permission to go look for him and see if he needs to go to the infirmary."   
"Good idea Miss Hikari. You may go."   
Hikari got up and bowed for the last time that day.   
"Thank you, sensei."   
Hikari was quickly out of the room, looking for Kensuke. She didn't know what she'd tell him if she found him, she didn't even know if there was something she could say to him, but she didn't want him to be alone. He was probably hurt, and while she was perhaps not really the best person for him to see right now, she knew that she was the only one he had. He was very much like Shinji, or even Touji, in that prospect. They didn't have many friends.   
And then, she would need to find a way to talk to Touji. Maybe even figure out a way to visit him in Tokyo-2.   
  


- - -

"What do you mean you don't know where she is?! Goddammit, you're _paid_ to watch over that girl!"   
NERV Section 2 agent Tanaka Daisuke winced as Katsuragi Misato tried her best to make him a deaf man. He was very tempted to hold his cellular phone a few feet away, but the situation was bad enough as it was without risking missing something the Major would say. So the man gritted his teeth and endured. After all, pain was to be expected in this line of work.   
"It means that I haven't seen anyone fitting the First Children's description exiting the building. Are you sure she's not inside the apartment, Major?"   
Agent Tanaka took the string of curses yelled by the Major as a no. And for once, he regretted being fluent in German and English...   
"Maybe she's somewhere else in the building, Major," he suggested, hoping to calm down the Major just long enough to call in sick and get someone else to relieve him. Something was telling him that staying at his post might be a bad idea right now...   
"You'd better be right... because if you aren't I'll have your sorry ass!"   
The man gulped as he heard the phone on the other side of the line being slammed so hard he doubted it would be functioning for long.   
Tanaka sighed. Most likely, he was in deep shit. To have Major Katsuragi angry at him was bad enough. But rumor was that the First Children was Commander Ikari's favorite. Now, if she was _really_ missing... who knew what might happen to him.   
It was really a shame that the man hadn't paid much attention to that strange baby-carrying boy who had left the building a few hours earlier... But considering that the man had never seen Ayanami Rei wearing anything besides a girl's school uniform, and the cap she had put on had managed to hide her short hair, it wasn't that surprising. Also, being distracted by a hot looking American girl walking in the opposite direction hadn't helped any.   
  


- - -

If anyone would have asked, Kaji Ryouji would have admitted that Rei had truly surprised him beyond any expectation. The last thing he would have anticipated was Rei pulling out a picnic blanket from the backpack she had been carrying and inviting him to join her for lunch. Rei's bento was a little small for two, but it was something Kaji quickly fixed by choosing the nicest watermelon available. It was ironic in some ways; without Rei's appearance, Kaji might not have actually thought of trying out one of the fruits he had spent some of his spare time to grow.   
Kaji found the meal genuinely pleasing. Apparently, Rei's cooking skills had not suffered from her stay into the Katsuragi household, as they were almost on par with the young Ikari. While he had somehow expected the food to be bland, it had actually been rather tasty, even for an all vegetarian meal. But more noteworthy was probably the faint blush and small smile that appeared on the girl's face when Kaji complimented her cooking. The ponytailed man grinned; he didn't know exactly why, but something was telling him that Commander Ikari wouldn't like how things were heading.   
It pained him to admit it, but Kaji had severely underestimated Rei. His first impression of Rei had been that she was somehow just a pawn controlled by the Commander and that she wasn't really worth his attention. The girl's file may have been blank, but one fact remained: the girl had been raised by none other than Ikari Gendo, which immediately suggested to Kaji what the girl was a lost cause.   
But now, that same girl was sitting right in front of him, feeding a young baby and looking genuinely happy. She would probably always remain an introverted and quiet girl, but perhaps a normal life wasn't out of her reach after all.   
Even if the odds were very likely against the girl.   
"I see that you take very good care of little Shinji here. Katsuragi must consider your help a gift from heaven."   
"The Major did express her gratitude for the help."   
"But you're not doing this for her, are you?"   
Kaji gave Rei his best smile, one that usually had devastating effects over ladies. Rei seemed unfazed, except for a very slight blushing of her cheeks, although Kaji was uncertain whether it had been caused by his question, or by the smile. The girl was extremely hard to read. Had he been fifteen years younger, he might have found her to be a most interesting challenge.   
"I... I enjoy taking care of him."   
"Yes, it shows. I think you'll make a very good mother eventually."   
Kaji didn't miss the hurt expression that crept on her face, before it disappeared under the usual emotionless mask. He almost smiled, knowing he had found here the opening he had been looking for. They had talked of little things during lunch, and this was the first time he had managed to get such a reaction out of her.   
"You don't seem to share my evaluation, Rei. Why's that?"   
"To be a mother... this is not my purpose."   
"Oh? And what is you purpose?"   
The girl remained silent and started gathering her things.   
"I see... I always thought that Ikari had specific plans concerning you. I couldn't manage to find what it was, but I'm sure that you're a key element in this whole puzzle."   
The girl stared right at him. Kaji grinned. So he was close to the truth after all.   
"Rei... don't undervalue yourself. It would be a mistake. The truth doesn't lie in what Ikari may say to you. It's out there, for you to find, on your own. Think for yourself and decide by yourself what you should do, and don't think of having any regrets. The world is filled with opportunities. You just need to seize them."   
As he got up, after plucking up one last piece of melon, Kaji could see the conflicting emotions in the girls eyes, as two philosophies clashed within her very being.   
"It's strange. I didn't expect to say those words again, even less say them at this exact same place. 'Think for yourself and decide by yourself'. The same words I told Shinji, before he came back to fight the Fourteenth Angel."   
Kaji smiled as he knew that the mention of Shinji, the Shinji from before the Fourteenth Angel, struck a chord within Rei. Kaji was quite aware that no amount of words would be enough to free the girl from Ikari's hold; it was something she would have to do on her own. But to do so, she would need a reason to reflect on her life as it was. Kaji hoped sincerely that he had managed to plant the seeds of doubt into the girl's mind.   
The man took a glance at his watch. He had no reason to, but he felt that now was the time to leave the girl on her own.   
"Oh my... how time flies. I really have to be going. Goodbye, Rei!"   
"Good... goodbye."   
Goodbye... for a reason, this word made Kaji uncomfortable. As if it was the last time he would see the girl. It would really be a shame... in the short time they had spent together, Kaji had developed a liking for her. She reminded him a lot of Shinji. Yes, there _was_ hope for her.   
"And at least this girl isn't trying to get me to be her boyfriend."   
Kaji chuckled, as he left a confused girl behind him. He took a bite out of the watermelon piece he was still carrying and chewed slowly, savoring the fruit's taste. Today, life was good, he decided.   
  
  


[To be continued...]   
  
  


Author's notes: 

The school bathroom. This scene was inspired from Darren Demaine's NGE story, "As I Stare Into Myself / Strong Arms to Hold Me (To Push Me)". In my notes, I had put "Asuka reflects on what she just did", the 'she just did' referring to her hitting Hikari. To make sense, it had to happen in a short amount of time after the act. Which meant that Asuka was still in school, but somewhere where Hikari wouldn't think to look for her, at least long enough until the afternoon classes. While I tried to think of a suitable location, a scene from Darren's fic came to mind. 

Here ends what I'll call the Hikari arc. Under Daniel Snyder's suggestion, I tried for a while to think of a way to expand Hikari's network conversation with Kensuke. Initially, I pondered on ways to have Kensuke evade the questions military style, but found myself unable to, not to mention that it wasn't fair to Kensuke's character; I mean, he has to be more than a military otaku, especially when worried about his friend. Then, it hit me. Try a different and new angle. A Kensuke/Touji/Hikari love interest triangle. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. For a long time, those two have been around Hikari. For Touji, we could have seen him slightly warm up to her in the anime. Why not make it that he was simply shy? As for Kensuke, it's not too far fetched. Hikari is a cute girl (more available than Rei), and a kind of authoritative figure he might like (definitely more available than Asuka). And she had a certain charm and kindness not to be ignored. So, is it too hard to believe that Kensuke might have feelings other than being a military and computer nut. What if, right from the start, he saw himself as simply not good enough to even _try_ to ask her out. I mean, he is surely aware of himself. He must know that his passions are not very common and surely won't make him popular. He might figure that a short, freckled faced, glass wearing, military obsessed boy like him has no chance to be liked by a girl as nice and cool like Hikari. I know it's a kind of feeling I could relate to myself in my highschool years. So I thought, why not put him in the role of the boy with an unrequited love, with his best friend actually being the object of the affection of the girl he likes? I think it works. And I know personally that it can happen in real life. It's been the story of my life; married, going out with a friend of mine, living on the other side of the world or simply not interested. Oh well, the future is filled with new opportunities. 

Back to the network chat, I found it also interesting to mention Touji's state of mind. In my earlier fic, "The One I Love Is..." I made him accept his injuries rather easily. It's nice here to mention, even if I won't work in depth on that, that this would affect him a lot, that he would, in a sense, consider himself as "damaged goods". 

In case anybody asks, no I won't work on the love triangle situation I created here. It definitely goes too far beyond the background of T3B and one love triangle story was enough for me. This is simply to bring closure to Hikari's role in T3B. Besides, I'll have enough to do with the relations between Rei, Misato, Asuka, Gendo and, of course, baby Shinji to worry about that. 

   [1]: mailto:rakna@globetrotter.qc.ca



	7. Chapter 7 Going forward

**Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters**   
  
Written by [Alain Gravel][1]

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX   
Started on June 30th 2000   
First pre-reader draft finished on November 14th 2000   
Second pre-reader draft finished on December 17th 2000   
Final draft finished on April 6th 2001   
  


* * *

  


Chapter 7 - Going forward

Subcommander Fuyutsuki Kozo frowned.   
Unlike Commander Ikari, NERV's second-in-command was an easy man to read. He would smile when he was pleased, frown when perturbed or annoyed and look angry when needed. While he did show a serious expression most of the time, he wasn't as intimidating as the Commander. Which was probably why people found facing Fuyutsuki a hundred times easier than facing the Commander. At least you could tell that Fuyutsuki was human.   
"Could you repeat that?"   
"I'm asking to be relocated to Geofront, Sir."   
For a moment, the Subcommander wondered if he should be more worried about the request coming from the German girl, or by the fact that the girl had called him "Sir". While an excellent pilot, Sohryu Asuka Langley was not known for her respect of military hierarchy. Or anybody else except perhaps Kaji Ryouji.   
"I know a number of living quarters are available inside of Headquarters. I would like to be relocated to one of those rooms, Sir."   
Indeed, a number of living quarters had been built within NERV headquarters, for the use of Evangelion pilots and key personnel. But in the end, those quarters had remained unoccupied save for one. They were still kept in acceptable condition, however, in case of a headquarters lockdown.   
Kozo didn't know what to think of the girl's request. It worried him. The fact that the girl wanted to isolate herself from the rest of the world could very well indicate that she was near a nervous breakdown. However, she and Rei were the only active pilots, and if isolating the girl could actually keep her stable long enough to fight at least until Shinji was again able to pilot, then it was worth a try.   
He hated this. Was he becoming as cold and calculating as Ikari?   
"I don't see any reason why I should object to this request. But is it really what you want? You'll be living alone there, without much to do. And it will considerably lengthen the trip for school."   
"I don't intend to attend school for the next few weeks, Sir. I'm aware of the current state of my synch ratio and plan on using as much time as NERV will permit on training here at Headquarters. If possible, I would also like to help out here in any way there is. I believe work in the field would be more productive for me and NERV, considering that I've already graduated from college."   
The man noted the girl's emotionless tone, as well as the way she had replied without hesitation. An answer all thought up. It was clear that whatever the reason behind this request, the girl's mind was set. Perhaps it was for the best. If a bit of isolation could help the girl face her problems, then her request should be granted... for now. But Kozo took a mental note to request a reevaluation of the Children's psychological profiles as soon as possible. He had the feeling that if nothing was done soon, everything would fall apart. Shinji was in no condition to help. The Fourth Children was still suffering from the trauma of his... accident. Rei seemed to be taking a path different from what the Commander had planned for her, which could prove to be very dangerous for her. And it was clear that the girl before him wouldn't be able to hold herself together much longer.   
Something had to be done. Unfortunately, Kozo had no idea what needed to be done.   
"Will you be able to work with the First Children the next time an Angel attacks?"   
While the girl needed help, the first priority was to make sure she could still be of use. While he didn't personally approve such lines of thought, Kozo knew it was necessary. There was no doubt in his mind that one of the persons the girl wanted to isolate herself from was Ayanami Rei.   
"There won't be any problems between Pilot Ayanami and I, Sir."   
Kozo, however, didn't miss the way the girl had clenched her fist. Silently, he hoped that the Angels would wait until Shinji was ready for combat again. As unpredictable as the boy was, his presence would still make him more secure. Even if Unit-01 was to remain under freeze.   
"Request granted. I'll make the necessary arrangements. Report back to my office in two hours and we'll discuss your new schedule."   
"Yes Sir."   
Kozo sighed as he watched the girl leave his office. Such a burden on one so young.   
From a drawer of his desk, he pulled a framed picture. It was ten years old and was one of the few which had survived.   
He could see himself on the right side of the picture. While his hair was already gray, he looked a lot younger in this picture, leaning against a chair and a smile on his face. He noted bitterly that the lab coat he was wearing on that picture had always suited him better than the military uniform he now wore.   
On the other side of the picture stood a man he hadn't seen in a decade. Ikari Gendo. Not the man who sat in the darkness of his enormous office, but rather a man smiling and who looked content with life. Kozo had never really liked Gendo, but right now he would have given anything to see him smile in such a manner. Because, he knew, the source of that smile was the woman seated on a chair between the two men. She wore a lab coat like both man did, but somehow it looked good on her. She had the most beautiful smile Kozo had ever seen, short brown hair and blue eyes; eyes he had recognized in her own son. Eyes which showed the kind, gentle and sensitive soul within.   
With a finger, Kozo touched the glass protecting the woman's face behind it. It seemed appropriate; she had always been out of his reach, even when she had been alive.   
"Why, Yui? Why must we rely on ones so young? Why must we sacrifice these children's lives for our sake? You wouldn't have wanted that, I'm sure... but is there any other way? Each night, I pray for all this madness to end and for you to watch over them. I'm so tired of this Yui. The secrets, the lies, the sacrifices. So tired..."   
  


- - -

"Shinji, Shinji, Shinji..."   
Misato had been repeating the name like a mantra now, as if fearing that she would forget it. She had came back home to find it empty. No Rei, no Shinji. She had looked everywhere for Rei, and more importantly Shinji, without any results. The baby and the girl had apparently vanished without a trace. Misato had rarely felt that helpless. She had no idea what would happen to her if she was to lose her baby...   
At the sound of the apartment's door opening, Misato jumped to her feet and reached the entrance so fast that she might have made a few Olympic sprinters jealous. Her worries faded and were replaced by joy as she saw Rei pushing Shinji's stroller in the apartment.   
"SHIN-CHAN!!!"   
Rei felt the stroller being ripped from her fingers and seconds after, Misato was fiercely holding Shinji in her arms, tears wetting her cheeks as she called his name over and over again. Being so rudely woken up and now being almost squeezed to death upset Shinji, who started to cry. However, Misato paid it no attention. Now that Shinji was safe in her arms -- at least in her opinion -- she gave Rei an angry look, missing entirely the blue haired girl's somber expression.   
"How could you do that, Rei?! How could you take away my Shinji without my permission?!"   
Rei stared, eyes wide, not having expected such an outburst from the Major.   
"Do you have any idea how worried I was?! Where the hell were you, young lady?!"   
"We... we went to the park... then had a picnic into Geofront..."   
Had Misato not been as angry as she was, she might have noticed that Rei wasn't her usual self. But all she could see right now was a girl who she felt was a threat to Shinji. Her Shinji, her little baby. So the woman completely ignored the girl's poor attempt of defending herself from her anger.   
"What's the idea of not answering your phone and avoiding the Section 2 agents in charge of protecting you? Are you out of your mind?! This is the sort of thing I could have expected of Asuka, but not from you! I'm very disappointed in you Rei! How could you have been so irresponsible?"   
Disappointed. Irresponsible. These words hit the blue haired girl like bricks. Never had she been called that before. And those words hurt, in a way very similar to how the words from the boy in the park had.   
"Why didn't you at least leave some kind of message?! What were you thinking?! How was I supposed to know you were out having fun?! Do you know how many people I've sent to look after you? Not only was it thoughtless, but you wasted precious NERV resources! This is totally unacceptable!"   
While the Major kept yelling at her, Rei removed her backpack from her shoulder and searched through it, to remove her cell phone. She pushed the on/off button, without getting a reaction from the communicating device.   
"I've forgotten to recharge the battery. It's my fault..."   
The sight of tears rolling down pale cheeks cut through the red haze of the Major's anger.   
"Rei..."   
"I've been careless... irresponsible... stupid. I... I don't deserve this. You're right, I'm... I'm not fit to take care of Shinji..."   
Before Misato could say a word, Rei ran past her, in tears, towards her new room. The Major's anger burned out at that sight. This scene was all too familiar... she had seen Shinji seek refuge in his room in such a manner too often.   
Misato suddenly felt very guilty with the way she had lashed out at the girl. Rei had done something that had felt right to her and it wasn't her fault if the guys in Section 2 weren't good enough to even keep track of a single girl. She had made a simple mistake, and it had escaped the Misato's mind that Rei, despite appearances, was only human and therefore not perfect. Rei was entitled to make mistakes just as much as she was, probably more, considering that the girl was only a child, unlike her. Misato decided that she would need to apologize, but now didn't seem like a good time. She needed to calm down first and she had to do something about the baby crying in her arms.   
  


- - -

She hated this office.   
This conclusion came to her as somewhat of a surprise.   
She could remember a time when she had been eager to walk into that office, when the sight of him at his desk would make her heart skip a beat. But now, she realized, she didn't feel a thing. Had that time spent in Terminal Dogma, isolated from anyone aside from her trusted assistant, working on a device dedicated to bring Shinji back to his rightful age, changed her so much?   
Somehow... she didn't seem to care anymore. She didn't care if he looked at her or not. She didn't care if he thought of her or not. She didn't care about him anymore...   
As she thought back to the past week, she realized that she had been thinking less and less of him. There had been no time really. The last days had been so stressful, she had been so busy... she had never felt more alive, more happy. To work on something constructive, something worthwhile. And Maya, sweet adorable Maya. They had worked together before, but never like this. It felt... right. Ritsuko couldn't quite describe it, but Maya's presence brought joy in her life, it was a feeling she hadn't felt ever since she and Misato had parted ways after college. Maya was always so eager, so cheerful. And Maya looked up to her, admired her in a way she barely tried to hide anymore. Ritsuko had come to realize that there was probably even more to Maya's feelings toward her, and somehow, it didn't make her uncomfortable anymore. Maya didn't seem to be expecting anything from her and somehow... it felt good that someone cared about her. That her existence was meaningful for someone. For some time, she had hoped that the Commander would someday look at her the way Maya did, but Ritsuko had lost those illusions now.   
"We need more time." said the doctor very simply, wanting to keep this meeting as business-like and as short as possible. Time was of the essence and she didn't want to face him too long. "At least ninety-six hours. There are numerous bugs in the system that need to be found and fixed. Estimations from MAGI suggest that if we begin tomorrow, there's a eighty-two percent chance that problems will occur in the growth process. This is too much of a risk."   
"What are the probabilities of those problems leading to the Third Children's death?"   
"Twelve percent, Sir, but..."   
"Request denied."   
Ritsuko gasped. He couldn't have said that?   
"But Sir..."   
"You're dismissed."   
"No."   
Ritsuko had always considered herself as a calm, rational woman. She always tried to keep her emotions in check, because she knew that had been her mother's downfall. Her mother may have been a genius, but she had always been too impulsive, too reckless, for her own sake. Despite history repeating itself in the form of Ikari Gendo, Ritsuko was determined never to be like her mother.   
But there were limits to how much she could keep in, and sometimes she would simply snap. It had happened an alarming number of times with Misato of late.   
She could feel her anger boiling and she know there was no stopping it, no matter how dangerous it was to get on Ikari's bad side. In her mind, she could see all the scenarios predicted by MAGI. Shinji, still as an infant, dissolving in LCL. Shinji, dying a gruesome death as his skeletal structure grew faster than flesh and muscles. Shinji, back to teenage state, but showing mental problems ranging from brain death to motor and mental problems. Shinji, with a few body parts not quite developed as they should have... To submit such an innocent baby, one she had held into her very own hands, to such risks, it was unforgivable!   
Ritsuko took a long deep breath. Ikari Gendo was like an impregnable fortress and getting angry at him would not only be futile, but most likely work against her. No, it was more a matter of finding the cracks in the man's walls and striking there.   
"No. I won't accept that. What's your problem, Ikari? Don't you even care one bit about your own son? I followed your orders without question so far, but I won't let you sacrifice that infant. Not when it's avoidable."   
The Commander didn't even seem concerned by the doctor's insubordination.   
"You will leave now and do as I say, or I will call Security and have you put in an holding cell... Doctor."   
Whatever respect Ritsuko had kept toward Ikari died in that instant. That man was a monster. Why hadn't she seen it before? How could she fall in love with such a cold man?   
God help mankind, as its fate rested in such a man's hands.   
Still, she wouldn't give up without a fight. After all, she knew what buttons to push...   
"If you don't give us more time, then you can forget about your precious Unit-01."   
That did get his attention. She could read it in his body language, as subtle as it was.   
"You have thirty seconds to explain yourself, Doctor."   
"The events that occurred over a month ago clearly suggest that Unit-01 will synch with Shinji and only Shinji. It rejected Rei and the dummy plug, despite both previously synchronizing with Unit-01 in the compatibility test and in the fight against the Thirteenth. But Shinji synchronized with it without any problem. The EVA won't accept anybody but Shinji. If you want more proof, we could try a compatibility test between Asuka and Unit-01, but I'm certain she'll do as poorly as Rei did. Which is why we need to get Shinji back as close as possible to his original form. Unit-01 may not recognize him as Shinji otherwise."   
"Are you saying we wasted precious time and resources in your project?"   
"I'm saying that the project will surely fail if you don't give us the time we need. The fate of your precious Unit-01 is in your hands."   
Tension filled the air. Other than Fuyutsuki, Ritsuko was probably the person who knew the Commander the best. It didn't show on his face, but she could almost hear the gears in his brain frantically analyzing the situation and trying to fit the new facts in his plans.   
"Permission granted. You have seventy-two hours. Make the best of it. Dismissed."   
"Yes Sir."   
Ritsuko smiled triumphantly as she left the office. She had actually won over the Commander and had managed to get what she wanted. She'd have to thank Maya. The idea of asking a day more than necessary had been pure genius.   
Maybe her pupil wasn't as innocent as she had originally thought.   
  


- - -

"Finally..."   
Asuka looked at the note in her hand and confirmed that the number on it fit the number of the room. Sector K, room B-02. That was it. With a swift slide of her security card, the double steel doors in front of her slid open as they were meant to. With the illumination provided by the corridor, Asuka quickly found the light switch on her left and the previously darkened room revealed itself to her. Carelessly, she let her suitcase, containing all the baggage she had brought with her when she had moved to Hikari's house, fall to the floor, then she removed her shoes and evaluated the room. It was a twin room, as clearly shown by the two single beds that took most of the space. Asuka would probably have found it small if she had been forced to share it with someone else, but since she was alone, it was quite convenient. In any case, it was an improvement over her old room back in the Katsuragi household. Most likely, the room was designed for higher staff members, as it was equipped with a wall embedded television, a music system, video disk player and a phone. There wasn't much closet space, but Asuka didn't mind. She hadn't brought many clothes with her in the first place. She did frown when she entered the bathroom, however. It was almost as small as the closets. Well, the women's shared bath wasn't that far away, so she could always use that. But she would probably stick to taking showers anyway.   
Mostly satisfied with her new living arrangements, Asuka gracelessly flopped down on the nearest bed, feeling both physically and mentally drained.   
"Finally alone now..."   
The decision to live in Geofront hadn't been an easy one to reach. Part of Asuka wanted to accept Hikari's offer for help, a part of her craved the companionship she tried so hard to avoid. Another part of her was angry at the fact that she was doing the very thing she despised in her former roommate, Ikari Shinji; she was running away. Running from others, running from her problems, running from herself. But in the end, Asuka rationalized her choice as the only acceptable one. She wasn't running away, she was simply taking a break. For some reason, along the way, she had lost her focus. Maybe it was Misato's little family life which had softened her. Maybe Shinji's latest victories had been harder to accept than she had first thought. She needed to find her center again and for that, she needed to free herself from the influence of others. Misato, Hikari, and especially Wondergirl and her wonder child.   
Not to mention a few memories she needed to bury deep down again.   
The girl grabbed her pillow and clutched it tightly, in an effort to fight back the tears.   
She couldn't be weak. Not now. Not while she still had a chance to become the best again.   
"I'll show them... I'll show them all..."   
Her choice had been made. Years ago, when she was still a little girl. She just had to keep going forward...   
  


- - -

Dinner time came, but Rei didn't join Misato for the meal. Rei was not one to skip a meal, except in the case of an emergency, a fact which further convinced the Major that, indeed, the girl was upset. The woman guiltily bit her lip, but didn't have the courage to go talk to the girl. She wasn't good at this sort of thing. She felt that she had nearly lost Shinji to EVA because she hadn't taken good enough care of him and it appeared she had lost Asuka; Subcommander Fuyutsuki had informed her of the latest whereabouts of her _former_ charge. So she found herself at a loss at how to deal with Rei.   
She only worked up her courage two hours later as she exited her bath. Only clad in a towel, she quickly dried her hair and walked toward the room that was now Rei's. She slowly opened the door, a ray of light pouring into the previously darkened room. An intense sense of deja vu hit Misato as she saw the girl lying on her side on the bed, slightly curled up on herself, Shinji's SDAT headphone in her ears. If it hadn't been for the cerulean mop of hair, she might have mistaken her for Shinji. The old Shinji.   
One of those days, she would definitely need to drag Rei along to get the girl her own clothes...   
"Rei..."   
If the girl had heard her, she didn't show it. It was tempting to stay there and apologize from the doorstep, but Misato knew it wouldn't do. So she sat down on the bed and hesitantly touched the girl's shoulder. Her eyes opened and her head turned toward the Major, showing that Rei had been awake as Misato had suspected. Misato noted that she didn't hear any sound coming from the SDAT's headphones, so Rei was probably using it as background noise and not to tune out the world like Shinji often did.   
"Rei... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have yelled at you... I was upset and I didn't think and..."   
"There is no need to worry about me, Major. You were right, I should have left indications about my whereabouts."   
"Maybe... but I still shouldn't have yelled at you like that. So, you've made a mistake... I seem to be making plenty of them lately. I... I'd still like you to help me take care of Shinji..."   
The girl looked up at the older woman, her eyes suddenly looking bright.   
"I... I would like that."   
Misato sighed in relief, a certain weight being lifted from her shoulders. But soon, Rei became somber again. Was it possible that something else was troubling her?   
"Rei... is there something you'd like to talk about? Sometimes, it helps to talk about your problems..."   
For a moment, the girl seemed to consider the woman's words, but sadly shook her head.   
"I once believed I knew myself, Major. But I was wrong, I still haven't discovered who I am. And I am afraid I am the only one who can search for the answer."   
"I see..."   
While she couldn't argue with Rei's words, Misato still worried. Something must have happened to her. The girl before her was a scared, confused and vulnerable girl, not the cold and rational girl she was used to. But if Rei didn't want to talk about it, there was nothing she could do. Out of options, Misato tried to comfort the girl with a hug. Rei gasped at the sudden contact, but didn't try to pull away, like Shinji might have.   
"Well, if there's anything you want to talk about, you know where to find me," said Misato as she let go of the girl, got up and headed toward the door. "In the meantime, try to sleep. It's easier to think with a rested mind."   
"Thank... thank you, Major," replied Rei, bringing a smile to Misato's face.   
  


- - -

As she slowly immersed herself and baby Shinji in the bath's warm water, Ayanami Rei yawned. She hadn't slept very well. Time and time again she had replayed in her mind her conversation with the man she knew as Kaji Ryouji, until finally exhaustion did its work.   
The problem in itself was very simple. Despite how right Kaji's words had sounded, one truth remained: she was replaceable. If she defied the Commander, he could just kill her and pull a third Rei out of the clone tank. Even if she tried to fight back, it would all end with her demise. The Commander would probably go as far as sending an Evangelion to do the job, if needed. She could indulge herself in some fantasy of freedom, but the truth was that she would always remain a puppet for him to command, until he would truly need her.   
But living like this... wasn't it another form of death?   
_"The world is filled with opportunities."_   
Again, Kaji had spoken the truth, Rei realized. For as long as she had lived, Rei had held the belief that her fate was for the Commander to decide. However, recent events hadn't been expected by the Commander.   
_"The truth doesn't lie in what Ikari may say to you."_   
Another truth. The Commander had created her, but he was by no means God. If unexpected occurrences had already happened, then others might present themselves. Opportunities she might be able to seize if the time was right.   
All she had to do was wait... and hope.   
She found it very hard, however, to remain hopeful. Without a doubt, the Commander was aware of her recent actions. However, the fact that he hadn't voiced any comments on her recent decisions was not to be mistaken as a path to freedom. Those actions simply had no influence on the Commander's plans. Rei wasn't required to go to school. There was no need for her to learn the tools she would need to build herself a successful future, as she had no future of her own. The only reason the Commander had her attend school was to create the illusion that the First Children, Ayanami Rei, was just an ordinary teenage girl like her teammates. It was necessary to avoid arousing suspicion within the UN or SEELE. So, despite the changes in her life, everything was still going according to the Commander's wishes.   
But further straying from the path the Commander had chosen for her would most certainly lead to her death. It was a simple truth and no amount of wishful thinking would change that.   
There had been a time when death hadn't been a frightening concept to the girl. In fact, she had wished for it, would have welcomed it. An end to her loneliness, to her silent suffering, no longer to be used as a tool but rather be dead and remain forever untouched, unspoiled by those feelings which pervaded her. But then, Shinji, the young boy, had entered her life. He had made her feel certain things. It was subtle, but enough to sometime stop wishing for an end to this aberration that was her life. Death, however, only truly became something for her to fear in the last few days. She couldn't yet identify everything that had changed in her life, but she knew for certain that something important had changed... something she didn't want to lose. For once, she had a place, a life, and no longer craved for nothingness. Rather, she wished for the opportunity to explore this unexpected gift.   
But as long as she remained bound by the Commander's will, it simply wasn't possible.   
The faint sound of the phone coming from the kitchen cut through Rei's musings. The only time her cell phone rang usually meant an important call from either Doctor Akagi or the Commander. So Rei had almost jumped out of her bath to answer it. But this wasn't her cell phone. And she wasn't alone in the apartment. Not to mention that she would probably not have the time to reach the phone even if she tried. And even if nobody answered the phone, then the caller could leave a message on the answering machine, which the Major had shown her how to operate a few days earlier. So, Rei tried to relax and let the warm water soothe her tensed muscles.   
  


- - -

As he retrieved one of the last few beers left in Misato's fridge, Pen-pen looked at the ringing phone. Since penguins can't talk, he waddled back to his own fridge.   
  


- - -

In her bed, Misato groaned as she heard the phone ringing. Who the hell was calling this early in the morning? Couldn't a girl get some sleep?   
Saying that Misato was tired would be putting it lightly. Shinji had woken a few times during the night resulting in very little sleep for her. Maybe she should let Rei take care of him tonight.   
After the fourth ring, the answering machine did its job and the purple haired woman dozed off to sleep again.   
  


- - -

Rei had been feeding Shinji when she heard the doorbell. She found herself rather surprised to see a group of Section 2 agents standing behind the door.   
"We're here for Major Katsuragi," simply said the man who was apparently the leader of the group, a man of medium build, but with a stern look.   
The situation was unmistakably serious, obvious from both the man's tone and the look on his face. So, with a baby Shinji still drinking his bottle in her arms, the girl headed toward the Major's room.   
In this world, there are some things that can't be explained by science. Some call those miracles. Other label them as unexplained phenomena. But no matter the lack of explanations, those special events still have their place within this thing we call reality.   
As she slid Misato's door with a foot, Rei witnessed such an occurrence. With the exception of the futon on the middle of the room and the woman sprawled on it in a very unladylike fashion, the room was spotless. The garbage, clothes and other miscellaneous items that initially hid the floor had apparently found their way into their respective places. The floor and walls had been washed, desk and other furniture had been dusted.   
The Major must have been possessed. Or maybe replaced with an alien. There was no other explanation for such a sight.   
Even someone like Rei couldn't hide her surprise. She blinked twice as she saw the room's aura of cleanliness. Her surprise was short lived however as she remembered the men waiting at the door.   
"Major. Major Katsuragi."   
The said Major only grumbled something unintelligible, before shifting to her other side and drooling on a part of her pillow that had been previously dry.   
"Major, wake up."   
In some people's opinion, Rei had learned and matured a lot. The girl hadn't yet, however, learned the useful skill of "shouting", unlike another certain Evangelion pilot. As is was, Rei's low soft voice wasn't enough to cut through the fog of Misato sleep. Perhaps it was unfortunate for the purple haired woman. Her hands already busy holding Shinji, only one suitable course of action seemed left to the blue haired girl.   
She kicked the sleeping woman in the ribs.   
Needless to say, that woke her up.   
"Uh... what the...?"   
Misato raised her head and tried to find her assailant. While it took a few instants for her eyes to find their focus, she did recognize the blurred figure over her with the help of her hair color.   
"... Rei? Why'd ya hit me? I thought you weren't angry with me..."   
"You would not wake up."   
Misato groaned. She hated it when her sleep was interrupted.   
"Section 2 asked for you."   
Misato's still fuzzy mind cleared at those words. That couldn't be good. She got up and prepared to go see what Security and Intelligence wanted with her, but found Rei blocking her by standing in the doorway.   
"Err... Rei? You said they were waiting, right?"   
"You might want to get dressed first."   
Only then did Misato realize that she was actually wearing a rather alluring teddy. Especially considering that it was the only thing she was wearing.   
"Oh..."   
Two minutes later, the Major exited her room wearing jeans and a T-shirt, partly covered by her uniform jacket, which concealed her gun... just in case. Section 2 rarely visited to deliver good news. And if the faces of the men waiting for her were any indication, this was no courtesy visit indeed.   
"What can I do for you, gentlemen?" asked Misato, with as much acid in her voice as she could muster. Whatever those guys' business was, she still hated being woken up when sleeping so soundly.   
"You are to come with us, Major."   
"What for?"   
"Subcommander Fuyutsuki's been kidnapped."   
After nearly two weeks spent outside of NERV, Misato had gotten used to life at home. That latest revelation however, brought back her military instincts.   
"Rei, I'll have to leave for a while. Watch over Shinji, okay?"   
Rei froze for a moment. She had expected the Major to watch over Shinji in the afternoon. Misato noticed the worried look on the girl's face.   
"Is there something wrong, Rei?"   
The Commander wouldn't like this... but there was no other choice.   
"Nothing, Major."   
Misato seemed doubtful, but didn't push the matter further. Already, she had other things in mind.   
"Fine. Take care of yourself and Shinji. Back as soon as I can."   
This finally settled, Misato followed the agents sent for her, leaving a worried Rei behind.   
  


- - -

Rei looked at her watch with growing uneasiness. Twelve hours, fifty-nine minutes. It wouldn't be long now. Her hand was on the phone receiver, ready to answer. Since her cell phone was still out of service, he would call there. For a few seconds, she stared at the answering machine, her gaze temporary hypnotized by the blinking of the light indicating that someone had left a message.   
Again she looked at her watch. Thirteen hours.   
As expected, the phone rang.   
"Yes," she answered simply. She had no doubt about who was calling and why. A more detailed answer wasn't needed.   
"You're late."   
Rei shivered at the sound of his voice. To someone else, it might have sounded like his usual tone, but Rei could detect the disappointment and reproach in his voice.   
"Major Katsuragi had to leave. I have to take care of Shinji."   
"Irrelevant. You will come here at once."   
The Commander's voice boomed like thunder in her hears. But the words didn't have quite the effect they normally would have had. Instead of being afraid, Rei grew upset.   
"Shinji isn't irrelevant!"   
A long silence followed this outburst, both people at each end of the line having been taken completely by surprise by it.   
"I won't tolerate such insubordination. You are to leave that child and report here immediately."   
Rei felt torn as if her very being was at war with itself. The Commander had created her, gave her a purpose, a life... and could take that life away and replace her with another. She owed him everything, not obeying him was a sort of sacrilege. But she had came to realize that this life was empty, perhaps with a purpose, but without meaning.   
Obeying the Commander meant throwing that new life away. Not in a physical sense, but rather in a moral one, as it meant throwing away all that was dear to her.   
Disobeying the Commander almost certainly meant death.   
"No."   
Rei took a deep breath. She knew that she was probably sealing her fate, but if asked to choose between Shinji and the Commander... then the choice became clear. She'd rather sacrifice her life for the child than the man.   
"The system can wait. Shinji cannot. Sayonara."   
Rei hung up the phone, leaving the Commander no time to reply. She then collapsed on the floor, feeling as if all her strength had been suddenly drained. She shivered and curled up in a ball, as she experienced for the first time in her life, true fear.   
There was no going back now. The die was cast. The only thing left was to go forward upon that new and dangerous path. And hope.   
  


- - -

If anyone had been with the Commander at that very instant, that person wouldn't probably have stayed alive long. An obvious fact, considering that the Commander was currently in the Dummy Plug Room and that only three other NERV members were actually allowed to enter this room, but that wasn't the reason why another man might have lost his life.   
The Commander was furious.   
It had started with total disbelief, an expression one would never have expected on the man's face.   
Not only had she disobeyed an order, but Rei had hung up on him.   
It had been enough for him to drop his cell phone. While the shock didn't blow the little piece of technology in pieces, the Commander's foot did, as Ikari saw the device as the nearest target for his anger.   
Rei had hung up on him! How dare she!   
While empty vessels, the Rei clones actually stopped smiling. They may have been soulless, but that didn't mean they were stupid.   
The Commander's anger died down quickly, however, with his phone as the only victim. Even if he was still the same short tempered man he had been back in the days where he was still named Rokubungi, years of practice had given him an almost complete control over his emotions. It was necessary if a man wanted to achieve the position he had today. So the Commander took a deep breath, pushed back his glasses on the bridge of his nose, and tried to assess how these latest events could fit into his plans.   
The Commander groaned. As it was, things were slipping out of his hands like fine sand.   
The failed Third Children rescue operation had thrown a monkey wrench into the perfect machine NERV had previously been, wreaking havoc in the Commander's plans. Nothing was going as planned anymore. The Sohryu girl was breaking down faster than expected. His key officers were beginning to doubt his decisions. And Rei was slipping out of his control. Not to mention Shinji's ridiculous state. The Commander had planned on Shinji either staying with Yui safely inside Unit-01 until his own Instrumentality plans came to fruition, or to come out and further help him in his plans. He hadn't planned on the boy to become, not only utterly useless, but also a distraction and a drain on NERV's resources.   
Now that he could actually think with a straight mind, Fuyutsuki's kidnapping was almost a blessing. Otherwise, Major Katsuragi would have stayed with his son and Rei would probably have contaminated the other components with her latest memories. Perhaps it was for the best to avoid further memory transfers. The components didn't need it at this point and there was little to gain in a fresh transfer. Rei's piloting skills were virtually the same and she hadn't fought any other Angel since the latest transfer, right after the Fourteenth Angel battle.   
The current Rei was becoming a threat to his plans and would eventually have to be replaced. As things currently stood, however, there was nothing the Commander could do about that. Rei was actually the only reliable pilot they had. If an Angel attacked in the middle of a component activation process, then the consequence would be disastrous.   
He would wait. Control over Rei wasn't truly needed while there were still three Angels left. The girl could enjoy her freedom while she still lived. His plans were flexible. As always, he would adapt, and keep going forward, toward his ultimate goal.   
  


- - -

Rei had somewhat calmed down as hours passed. No agent had been sent to terminate her, which was encouraging... at least for now. With the Major away, the timing would have been perfect. So either the Commander didn't care for now, or he was waiting for another time.   
Playing with Shinji had helped some. It was difficult for the girl not to feel happy in the child's presence. Today, it seemed that Shinji's favorite toy had been a light rubber ball. Rei had been amazed at first to see Shinji walk on all fours towards the ball, sit down and pushing the ball towards her, apparently expecting her to send the ball back. Such childish games had never been part of Rei's life, and she had enjoyed immensely this little game of throwing the ball back and forth. That is, until Shinji spotted his Rei doll and forgot the game to replace it by one of his favorite activities: chewing on the Rei doll. Rei had mixed feelings about that particular activity...   
Rei had just put Shinji in his crib, after changing his diaper and filling his small tummy with milk, when Misato came back. It didn't take much of a look at the Major to realize that she very likely had a very bad day. It showed easily on her face.   
"Rei, do you mind watching over Shinji tonight? I need to get drunk..."   
While the thought crossed her mind, Rei restrained herself from scolding the Major on her lack of resolve. Something was telling her that it wouldn't make matters any better.   
The Major walked toward the fridge, but as her hand reached to open it, she stopped. Apparently, from what Rei could guess, the Major had noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. At least, that was the direction the Major had been looking at when a shocked expression appeared on her face.   
Rei watched with curiosity as the Major almost clumsily made her way to the phone and pushed the button. Even from the living room, Rei heard the message clearly. She had excellent hearing, despite what a number of students at school who often talked behind her back seemed to believe. Not that Rei cared...   
"Katsuragi, it's me. I'm sure you're listening to this message, after I've caused you so much trouble. Sorry. Please tell Ritchan I'm sorry. And there's one more thing to trouble you with. I've been growing... flowers. I'd appreciate it if you could water them. Rei knows where they are. Katsuragi, the truth is with you. Don't hesitate. Move ahead! If I can see you again, I will say the words that I could not say eight years ago. Bye."   
The Major had begun to cry while listening to the message, tears falling on the wooden table, but once the message ended, it was as if all strength had suddenly left her and the woman simply collapsed.   
For a moment, Rei wondered what to do. Rapidly, she tried to piece together the information she had, which merely consisted of the Major's reaction and the message she had heard. Kaji Ryouji was dead. It surprised Rei to realize that this conclusion somewhat saddened her. She had not known the man very well, but she realized that she wished she could have. This sadness, however, was nothing compared to what the Major obviously experienced. Rei didn't know what to say or do. Sadness was not a feeling she was familiar with. It was not something she was accustomed to. She had never paid attention to grieving people before. But this wasn't a common stranger. The woman weeping on the floor was the only person who had been nice to her without ulterior motives, save for Ikari-kun. That person was... a friend. Rei felt a need to do something for her, to... comfort her.   
But she didn't know how.   
She watched the woman cry, feeling her throat become dry as each sob seemed to strike something within her, something deep and powerful. The girl found her eyes becoming hot and itchy, and was surprised to find the tip of her finger moist as she traced the edge of a crimson eye. She knew, somehow, that the pain the woman felt was something more powerful than anything she had experience in her short new life and even her heart, hardened with time, found itself sharing a small part of the Major's pain.   
She didn't know what to do, but she knew she had to do something. Then, she remembered the night before. The Major had thought that she had been upset with her, and had hugged her. While surprising, the contact had also felt reassuring at the time. She also thought of the time she had run from the park, hurt by a little boy's comments. She had only felt better once she had reached a tramway where she had been able to take little Shinji in her arms, his presence feeling vaguely reassuring. She could also remember how strangely good it had felt, despite the pain, when Ikari-kun held her hand, then helped her stand up, after she had nearly been killed in the Fifth Angel battle. Did physical contact bring comfort?   
Awkwardly, the girl walked toward the woman and slowly knelt down near her. She didn't have the opportunity to do anything else, as the Major grabbed hold of her and started to weep against her shoulder. For a moment, the girl remained stiff, before relaxing and tentatively putting her arms around the woman to hold her. It was a strange feeling. Good, warm...   
"Katsuragi-san..."   
Calling the woman 'Major Katsuragi' no longer seemed appropriate.   
  


- - -

For a long time, Misato held Rei as a lifeline, something concrete to focus on to avoid drowning in her sorrow.   
In the end she had been right and wrong. Kaji had been just like her father: choosing his calling, his need for the truth, over her and leaving her behind, hurt, broken. As her father had done with her mother, and even, in a way, herself, despite ultimately giving up his life to save her. But Kaji had loved her. While her father had stopped caring for her mother, Kaji never forgotten her and loved her all this time. Even if she had driven him away, all those years ago. Despite all her attempts to ignore him, he had loved her. He hadn't said the words, but, with those subtle words, he had made it clear in this last message to her that he had loved her. More then anything, this was probably what hurt most. Not his stupidity, but hers. All this time, wasted because of her fears, her incapacity to trust others and be involved in a relationship, her fear of becoming as weak as her mother. So much time, innumerable precious moments that were now forever lost, wasted.   
She called his name in a heartbreaking moan, its sound almost burning her tongue, before crying again. Of course, no one would ever answer that name again...   
After some time, minutes or perhaps hours, Misato didn't know, she managed to control herself enough to ask Rei to help her to her room. Once there, she buried herself under her covers and resumed her weeping in privacy.   
When she finally ran out of tears, she reflected back on their moments together. How they met for the first time, how he had caught her in his arms after she had fallen from a table she had been dancing on, too drunk to stand straight anymore. She winced at the embarrassing memory.   
Then she remembered when they met the next day, how she had felt herself drawn by his roguish looks and found herself unable to refuse his offer for a date. The time they first made love and the following week were perhaps the moments of her life she cherished the most. How she told him they should never see each other again, the hurt visible in his eyes. Their reunion on the Over the Rainbow. Those little times they met following that day, tension almost tangible in the air, her own feelings at war between ignoring him and bringing his lips to her.   
Eventually, her heart felt as if it was numb, perhaps tired of all the grief, and Misato managed a semblance of rationality. Yes, a big part of her life was gone for good, but there was still a lot for her to cherish. She had her family. Pen-pen. Shinji. The newest member, Rei. And even Asuka. Yes, it wasn't too late to bring Asuka back home...   
It would probably be what Kaji would want her to do.   
But not now, not today. Now was the time for tears. Maybe tomorrow, and if not, perhaps the day after... Once she was over the grief, then she would find the strength to go forward.   
  
  


[To be continued...]   
  
  


Author's notes: 

Asuka's room in Headquarters is inspired by the room used for the Children synch training in the manga. Some may have recognized the design. Or not, I was never good at descriptions. 

The answering machine scene seems familiar? Well, I may have borrowed and recycled bits from TOILI chapter 8. A bit shameless, but hey, that scene worked the first time! ^^; 

I don't know if any of you noticed, but in this timeline (as well as the one in TOILI actually), Kaji called earlier than in the TV series. As said on the message (a bit I removed), when Kaji called, it was "two minutes past two", but in this case I made him call early in the morning. There's two reasons for this: first it was more convenient for Kaji to call in the morning (so that no one would be able to answer) and most importantly... I never quite noticed the "two minutes past two" when watching the series and I was SURE that Kaji had called early in the morning (so actually in my mind I had him calling in T3B _later_ then what I thought to be the time of his call in the series). My thanks to Deina for pointing that out ^_^ 

   [1]: mailto:rakna@globetrotter.qc.ca



	8. Chapter 8 Dreams of possibilities that ...

**Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters**   
  
Written by Alain Gravel

http://www.geocities.com/rakna01/ 

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX   
Started on June 30th 2000   
First draft finished on November 14th 2002   
Final draft finished on January 18th 2003   
  


* * *

  


Chapter 8 - Dreams of possibilities that could have been 

Clad only in her underwear the girl sat on her bed in the darkened room, her features lit from below with the sickly light from the hand-held game she clutched tightly. Her fingers moved frantically on the miniature game console controls to give life to the small animated character on its screen. The girl growled softly as her character, a female knight with red hair and crimson armor faced off with a giant spider.   
She didn't even glance at her character's health gauge as she pushed the attack controls. The knight leapt forward, slashing and thrusting with her sword and depleting her mana reserves with a string of fireball spells. The spider put up a good fight, resisting some spells and striking back, computerized fangs sinking deep into the avatar's digital flesh. A more cautious player would have pulled back using some of the magic to resist attacks and heal the character, but not this girl. As both health and mana was decreasing, the player forced her knight onwards, ignoring the dangers. A furious slash with her sword cut away at two the spider's legs, and as the beast struggled to regain footing the knight raised her hand and sent a hellish beam of magic right between the six eyes of the beast. With an electronic shriek the spider rolled on its back and died a computerized death, its body vanishing from the scene now that it had played its role.   
Without waiting for any recovery the girl drove her knight forward. A zombie was put to the sword a moment later, and a wraith was blasted back into darkness by another fire spell. Such drive left the knight drained however, while the spectral knight that rose from behind the next tombstone was fresh and undamaged. A few swings of its dark blade cut through the weak spells the girl tried to throw at it, and a dark blast from the undead beast shattered the red knight's armor and ate all the remaining hit points. The knight died screaming as undead hands pulled her soul from the shattered hulk of her body, and Sohryu Asuka Langley swore as she restored her last saved game.   
Asuka had bought the hand held game console earlier that day, as she found herself bored and unable to find Subcommander Fuyutsuki. When she had tried to go to his office she had been stopped by Section 2 agents, told that Fuyutsuki was away and to go home. So without anything to keep her busy, Asuka had opted to go shopping.   
The first night alone in her room had been rather hard on the girl. Sleep had been elusive, as the silence and calm of the small room seemed to invite memories of the latest events and make her brain work overtime. It was another reason why she had bought the game. She didn't want to think. She didn't want to think about Rei, Misato, Shinji... her mother. She didn't want her past failures to haunt her over and over again, the wounds of the past to torture her heart every moment she let her guard down. With the game, she could forget all that, immerse herself in another reality and lose herself in it. In the game, she wasn't an useless Evangelion pilot, but rather Asuka the Red Knight, right hand of King Nabbam, ruler of Kenyash, sworn to bring peace and justice to the land.   
Asuka played until the early morning, until her eyes could no longer remain open and sleep claimed her, a sleep too deep for the nightmares to disturb.   
  


- - -

It was raining.   
The promising light of the morning had been obscured by thick, black, angry clouds. The rain fell hard, the sound of its impact against the windows creating a strange, yet hypnotic, cacophony.   
In some strange way, it reminded Rei of the constant sound of piledrivers that would chase away the tranquility that would otherwise been characteristic of her own apartment. She was glad for the rain, as it drowned out the eerie silence that had seemed to envelop the Katsuragi household like a heavy blanket, even little Shinji more quiet than usual.   
Rei wondered for a moment if they sky itself wasn't weeping over the grief of the owner of this place.   
The Major had only exited her room for less then an hour in the last few to take care of Shinji. Even then, her usual happy expression had left place to one which would normally would rather belong to the blue haired girl than the purple haired woman.   
The last hours had also been hard on Rei, who had spent them either fearing the wrath of the Commander or wondering if there was anything she could to for the Major and failing to find an answer. Her worries were soon forgotten, however, as a familiar feeling washed over her. A brief but intense feeling of anxiety, as well as a longing, a calling. She approached the window and looked up toward the clouds, in the direction of something the human eye couldn't possibly see.   
Clutching Shinji tightly against her chest, she walked toward the Major's room, taking with her the cell phone she knew would soon ring. She shook her head sadly. Couldn't they even respect someone's pain and grief?   
  


- - -

What's the status?!"   
Misato entered into the Command Center, drawing bewildered looks to her. Knowing that time was of the essence, she had simply put on pair of slacks over her sleeping shorts and her NERV jacket; fortunately closed, as the article of clothing hidden under it might have been a bit too revealing for a battle station. What had caught the attention of the people present on the bridge, however, was the presence of the small child cradled into her arms.   
"What is this child doing here?" boomed the voice of the Commander from his station.   
If the Commander showed irritation, Misato gave him such an icy look that Gendo found himself speechless. Behind him, he heard Fuyutsuki chuckle and knew the old man had seen the same thing he had. For just a moment he had seen Yui, their son in her arms, glaring at him for having done something stupid in the presence of one so innocent. It left the commander fuming, but like those times, he showed wisdom and stayed silent.   
"Status?" again asked Misato, pulling the bridge crew from the daze of seeing someone stand up to the Commander and be able to walk away.   
"We've established visual confirmation of the Angel," said Shigeru as he indicated a sort of crystalline shape on the main screen. "This is at maximum zoom. It's not moving from orbit and it's maintaining a constant distance from us."   
"Unit-02 has already being deployed and is trying to get a lock on the Angel with its positron rifle. But the target is currently out of our firing range. Rei is entering Unit-00 at this very moment and she should be able to provide backup for Asuka in seventy seconds. Crews are already setting up the positron cannon at Unit-00 sortie point."   
Misato nodded in understanding and approval.   
"Will the positron cannon be able to breach the Angel's AT-Field if it doesn't enter the positron rifle firing range?"   
"Unknown, Major. Insufficient data," answered Makoto.   
Misato frowned. She hated not having all the facts. In her arms, Shinji was getting more agitated, but she tried to ignore that and focus on her role.   
She asked about the MAGI's estimation of the odds of the Angel entering their firing range. She could hear Asuka complain about their adversary's laziness, but paid the girl's rantings no heed... until she started to scream.   
"What's going on?" barked Misato, growing more and more worried as Asuka's screams intensified. The viewscreen turned to the form of Unit-02, bathed in bright light. "What's this? An enemy directional weapon?"   
"No," answered Shigeru, "No thermal energy reaction detected."   
The doors to the command center opened at that moment, revealing Maya and Ritsuko. Misato tried not to stare too hard at their disheveled state; the hair of both was messed up, Maya's jacket was open, showing a 'Hello Kitty' T-shirt that wasn't properly tucked into her pants and the blouse Ritsuko was wearing under her lab coat was buttoned all wrong. The Major quickly chased away whatever thought entered her mind and focused once more on the situation, while Maya relieved the technician sitting at her post and Ritsuko began analyzing MAGI's data.   
"Abnormal patterns in psychograph," announced Maya. "Mental contamination is imminent!"   
"An Angel's psychic attack..." said Ritsuko. "Is it possible that the Angels understand the mind of human beings so well?"   
Misato didn't really care. Whatever the Angel was doing, it was hurting Asuka and that was all that mattered to her. She watched the screen, trying to think of a way to help Asuka as the girl pilot attempted to fire at the Angel and failed, then discharged the remaining of her ammo all over Tokyo-3, the pain apparently too unbearable for her to realize what she was doing.   
"Don't we have an analysis of that Angel and its weapon yet?"   
"We're working on it, Major," answered Makoto. "The ray seems to be made of energy of a visible wave length. It's similar to an AT field, but the details are still unknown."   
"How's Asuka?" Ritsuko demanded, her own mind racing to find a scientific solution while Misato worked on a tactical one.   
"Situation dangerous. Mental contamination has broken the borderline."   
And, as the bridge crew watched in helpless horror, Asuka screamed again.   
"No! I... Don't enter into me! No-oo! NO! Don't look into my mind! Please!"   
At that moment, two things happened at the same time.   
While she showed no sympathy toward the German girl, her screams of pain struck a chord within Rei. She pulled the trigger of the positron cannon, a beam of pure energy racing toward the target, to impact against its AT-Field. Before she even knew of the result of her shot, Rei had ejected the fuse from the rifle and was preparing it for another shot.   
At the same time, Shinji began to cry and the command center found itself shaken as a deep guttural howl of rage came from the depths of Headquarters.   
"What was that?!"   
"My God!" exclaimed Maya. "It's Unit-01! It just activated! It's trying to break free of its restraints!"   
Misato fell a chill down her spine. Not now...   
"Remove the child from the bridge," Gendo ordered coldly. "Immediately."   
Misato looked at the child in her arms, crying as if in response to Asuka's pain. Was... was Unit-01 reacting to him? The Major blinked as she felt hands take the child from her and she looked up to see Subcommander's Fuyutsuki's smiling face.   
"It's hard to believe it's been fourteen years since the last time I took you into my arms like that," said the elderly man to the baby. "Let's go before we upset your mother further, little one."   
Misato stood there, stunned, as the old man left the control center, Shinji apparently calming somewhat. What had he meant by Shinji's mother?   
"Unit-01 is silent again," announced Maya. "The eighth cage is completely destroyed however."   
Again, Misato focused her attention to the situation at hand.   
"Status of Unit-02?"   
"Not good. Asuka's psychograph is at the critical point."   
"Her mental circuit is now being severely damaged," added Ritsuko. "Further overload will be too dangerous."   
Misato closed her eyes. Then there was only one option.   
"Asuka, retreat!"   
"No!"   
"This is an order! Asuka, I order you to retreat!"   
"No, Never! I'd rather die here than retreat!"   
"Asuka!"   
Rei chose that time to fire again. With the same result.   
"No effect!" confirmed Shigeru. "There's not enough energy to break through the AT field from this great a distance."   
"Output power is at maximum," added Makoto. "We can't get more power..."   
Misato tried to think of another solution... none seemed feasible. There was only one thing she could think of, but it was too risky.   
Rei voiced it for her.   
"I will forcefully remove the Second from the battle field."   
"Rei! You might get hit too!"   
Misato bit her lip in shame. She still hoped that Rei would go, despite not wishing for her to get hurt.   
"I will not be defeated."   
"The risk is too great, Rei," the commander finally said. While this current Rei was of no use to him, she was also their only hope left. "Descend to Dogma and retrieve the Lance."   
While she wanted to help the Second as soon as possible, Rei could understand the Commander's logic.   
"Hai."   
Misato was about to question the Commander, but she trusted Rei. If she was willing to carry out this order, then... Adam, EVA, Third Impact. It seemed that those pieces of the puzzle didn't really fit the picture she had made in her mind.   
"Rei... what does she know of all this...?"   
  


- - -

Defeating the Angel once Rei returned from Terminal Dogma was surprisingly easy. Unit-00, carrying a strange, red twin headed spear that Misato had previously seen embedded into Adam's chest down in Terminal Dogma, arrived at the surface. There, Rei left the Angel with no chance to react to her reappearance. The Lance of Longinus, thrown with all the might the blue giant could muster, seemed to pierce the heavens and tore through the Angel's AT Field as if it wasn't there. The Angel had been destroyed on impact and the Lance found itself on a one-way trip to the lunar surface, although Misato barely registered that last fact. There were other things to worry about.   
Which was what had brought her into Sub-commander Fuyutsuki's office.   
Part of the Major's mind took note of the efficient, tidy look to the room. Everything seemed at its place, easy to find and reach, as if their location had been studied scientifically. Misato noticed the piles of paperwork on the Sub-commander's desk, but also noted how different it looked from her own chaotic piles. She felt slightly embarrassed and humbled. The feeling was a fleeting one, however, as her eyes caught sight of her objective.   
Sub-commander Fuyutuski was sitting at his desk, but wasn't looking in Misato's direction. In his arms he held a happy looking Shinji. Misato frowned. Somehow, she had hoped that Shinji would have been perturbed by her absence. As she approached the desk, she noticed that Shinji's attention seemed to be focused on an object on a desk, a photo frame, an attention shared by Fuyutsuki himself.   
"It's strange, Major. So many years have passed, and yet I can still remember happier times with such crystal clarity."   
Misato blinked at the older man's cryptic words. She was about to ask what he meant, when he turned toward her. He seemed somewhat older than usual, his eyes showing a strange mixture of joy and sadness. Like someone remembering bittersweet memories. She ventured to guess that she probably had sometimes this look in her eyes, when she remembered some of the nice moments she had shared with Kaji. Even that straight thought nearly broke her composure.   
"I expected you to come here faster than this." There was no reproach in the man's voice. he was simply stating a fact. "You've always appeared to me to be quite the motherly type."   
"I tried to check on Asuka first."   
NERV's second in command nodded.   
"That would explain it. How is the girl?"   
Misato clenched her fists.   
"I wish I knew... I wasn't allowed to see her. They've put her in quarantine. Something about possible mental contamination. Ritsuko says that she'll be alright, but..."   
"You're worried."   
Misato tried not to snap at the man. She could feel her fears and frustrations rising to the surface again, threatening to overwhelm her.   
"What happened to her... what the Angel did to her... it isn't right..."   
The was a silent pause, as the both of them remembered Asuka's screams. Misato shuddered. It was one thing to send those kids to face giant monsters. There were risks, but the Children, at least Rei and Asuka, understood them. Shinji had seemed to show an understanding of that too, when he came back to fight the Fourteenth. There was the risk of death, and injury, but there was a kind of finality to that danger; and if they died then it was likely that all of humanity would soon follow their champions into death. But to be... abused... like that...   
"You're right. I'll see that you're informed about her condition as soon as possible."   
"Thank you."   
The two were silent again, and only then did Misato notice that Shinji was still looking toward the picture frame and was giggling joyfully.   
"What's with him?"   
"It seems that, despite what happened to this child, he can still, at one level or another, remember the people he cared for. And the sight before him is one he hasn't has the opportunity to see for a long time."   
Fuyutsuki took the frame and handed it to Misato. She gasped in surprise and nearly dropped it. That woman! She... she looked just like Rei. She was somewhat older, her hair and eyes were of different color, but... She also noticed the younger looking Fuyutsuki and Gendo. She didn't understand. Was that Rei's mother? If so, why would Shinji have acted so excited? It certainly wasn't due to the sight of a younger Gendo. But...?   
"Sir, what...?"   
The words died as the man made a gesture for her to keep quiet.   
"Did you know that the first time I met Shinji was when he was about this age? It was when I decided to join Gehirn. Yui was so proud of him. She loved him so much. The two were never really separated for long. Maybe that's why Shinji takes so much after her, instead of his father. I never really approved of him, but he had managed to make her happy, so I had to respect him for that."   
Misato stared wide eyed at the picture, as something clicked in her mind. She looked at Shinji, then the woman, then Gendo, then Shinji again. Was it possible that...? But if this woman was indeed Ikari Yui, then... what about Rei? What was going on?   
"Forgive an old man for rambling about the past," said Fuyutsuki as the child yawned. "I think that poor Shinji is finally getting tired. You should get him home."   
"Yes, Sir... you're.... you're right..."   
She handed him the framed picture, and he handed her the child in exchange.   
"Take good care of him, Major. His mother was ready to sacrifice all that she was in order to protect his happiness. This is how much she loved him. It's a fact that I had forgotten with time. It shouldn't be forgotten again."   
"Yes, Sir."   
Misato gave Fuyutsuki one last confused look before leaving his office.   
What was going on? What had just happened in there? She wasn't really sure. It was as if someone had thrown at her pieces of a puzzle that didn't seem to fit at all with the picture she had managed to assemble so far.   
She then remembered the Sub-commander's last words. Her expression hardened. She'd get to the bottom of it. Somehow. For Shinji.   
  


- - -

Her eyes were open, yet they couldn't see anything in the void of the steel room. With all artificial sources of light turned off, with no opening to the outside world, perfect darkness ruled supreme. Despite that... she could still see. Images, images of a past she had long sought to bury, images of a past viciously ripped from the depths of her soul and shoved in her face...   
A woman... a face that she had tried to forget, but now remembered with disturbing clarity... the ripped bed sheets that encircled her throat, hanging her to the ceiling. And the doll... the doll that hung at her side...   
In her place.   
The girl squeezed her eyes shut, trying to seal those images away again.   
And failing.   
Failure.   
She had failed again.   
That doll... that doll had saved her life...   
How could she face anyone again? It was there, on their faces when they looked at her. Doctor Akagi. Those nurses. Those nameless faces she encountered when returning to her room. Sympathy. Pity. How could she? How could she face anyone ever again? To see those looks again... perhaps from Misato next? Or maybe that doll?   
"I hate her..."   
She couldn't do a thing... she had stood there and the Angel had utterly defeated her. And the doll had destroyed it. Easily.   
She was unfit.   
"I hate them all..."   
Unfit to pilot EVA.   
"I hate myself."   
Unfit to breathe.   
Unfit to live.   
"Why Mama? Why did you leave me? Was I so bad a girl that you left me to suffer like this?"   
And thus they came. Tears, tears that had been held back for so long, so very long. They came in long soul wrenching sobs, and at that moment, Asuka knew that she had lost herself, lost everything.   
"Mama... please... mama..."   
  


- - -

The Major had returned to the apartment, only to leave Shinji in Rei's care, before being away once more. Rei suspected it probably had to do with the Second Children. As her superior officer, it was the Major's duty to check on her people, after all. However Rei had learned much the past few days she had spent in this place, more perhaps than at any other time in her life. The Major was not worried about the Second's abilities to pilot EVA. She had gone to see her because she... cared.   
Despite herself, a shiver ran along her spine as she remembered the Second's screams. It was well known that she didn't care much about the Second. To her, the Second was a constant irritant. But she didn't hate her.   
Pain was familiar to Rei, and it was something she wished to no one. Not even the Second.   
Sohryu, she corrected herself.   
"She will be alright, Shinji. The Major will see to that."   
Held in her arms, the baby smiled at her, as if understanding. Or perhaps he only responded to the sound of her voice. He didn't seem sleepy, and for the moment seemed quite content to be held where he was.   
Rei's musing was cut when she heard someone enter the apartment. She knew right away that it wasn't the Major. Misato was usually more noisy and she hadn't been gone long enough to have found Sohryu yet.   
It was someone else. She could feel his familiar presence, even before seeing him. She had expected his visit. She hadn't expected here and so soon, however. As he finally came into the living room, she couldn't help but feel nervousness and fear at the sight of him. But she hid it and drew strength from the child in her arms. She could no longer say that she didn't care what happened to her. She didn't want to die. She didn't want to lose what she had gained, those precious days she had spent with this child. But she had to do anything in her power to keep him safe. It was her responsibility and her wish.   
"Commander," she said simply, acknowledging his presence.   
"Come with me."   
That cold, commanding tone. Weeks ago, she would have obeyed without hesitation and question. She would have left what she had been doing and complied. Were she still be her old self, she would have left the child on the floor and followed that man.   
That thought disturbed her.   
"I cannot leave Shinji alone."   
No man can truly keep a fully unreadable facade. Aside, perhaps, from the Sub-commander and Doctor Akagi, Rei was the person who knew the most about the commander. She could tell from subtle but nonetheless present signs, signs others would have missed, that he wasn't pleased with this answer.   
"Irrelevant. You will come with me."   
"Are you saying that your own son is irrelevant?"   
That question had taken him aback. Rei knew, as it took him a few more seconds to reply than he normally would have.   
"Yes."   
Cold anger surged within her at that answer. Had she had been standing and had not held the child in her arms, she would have slapped him.   
At the thought, she felt a certain shame for having slapped Shinji in the past. It seems that, despite the two of them having been separated for so long, Shinji knew more about his father than she did.   
"Come with me, Rei."   
"No."   
Casually, Gendo placed his right hand in the pocket of his jacket. Despite herself, Rei's eyes widened at the sight.   
"You can be replaced."   
Rei knew fear like she never had before. But she fought against it, trying to focus on the child in her arms.   
"Will you remove me... right in front of this child?"   
The commander didn't need to reply; the answer was apparent, behind his tinted glasses. He turned and walked for the door.   
"Then this child is truly without family."   
Her words took him by surprise.   
"You can never be reunited with her."   
His composure nearly broke at that. Rei knew him well. She knew of his obsessions. And she knew of the cracks in his facade.   
"I have not known her. Sometimes, I have feelings I cannot understand, but I cannot be certain that they are hers, or mine. I have still much to learn. But I can tell this much. I am very certain... that she has loved this child dearly. More than anything else. More than her own existence."   
The reaction was subtle. But she knew that she had given him the verbal equivalent of a punch in the gut.   
"Even if you find her again... she will never forgive you. You betrayed her when you cast this child away. You betray her every time you cause him pain. Your sins are unforgivable."   
She didn't want to hurt him. Despite all he had done, he had given her life. But it had to be done. He couldn't stay forever blind to the truths he refused to face. For his own sake and that of his child.   
"I just want our family to be reunited again..." he whispered, in an uncharacteristic show of helpless emotion.   
"Irrelevant." Rei saw Gendo wince as she used on him one of his own favorite expressions. "Your plans will destroy lives, this little one's included. Death creates nothing. You cannot hope for it to bring happiness back to you."   
The both of them stayed silent. Rei had hit at the cracks of his armor. She knew it wouldn't be enough to break it. Or break the man within. It was not what she wanted. All she wanted was to plant the seeds of doubt in his mind.   
"When the time comes, I will cooperate with you."   
This seemed to surprise the shaken man. The surprise was brief, however, as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, his expression becoming unreadable once more, as if he had put a mask back into place. Apparently satisfied, he left without another word.   
"I will cooperate with him," said the girl to the infant, a full minute after the Commander had left the apartment, "but only to make sure that you are not harmed in any way."   
Clueless to what had happened, the baby just cooed, happy to be held against her bosom.   
  


- - -

Misato stared at the steel door, unsure of what to do next. The doctors had assured her that Asuka was fine. She had showed no sign of sustained physical or mental trauma. But... Misato could remember her screams, her pleas for help...   
The memories made her shiver.   
There was no way anyone could walk out of such an experience and be "fine". Maybe everything was alright for the purposes of NERV. No body scars to heal, no Angel mental contamination to fear. But what about her mind? What about those old scars that had surely been reopened, as the girl's own memories had been forced down her throat?   
The nights Misato was sober, she would often wake up from nightmares about that day in Antarctica. The day that had changed her life and the world forever. And yet... in some way she couldn't shake the feeling that Asuka had just gone through something far worse.   
No way that girl was fine!   
"Bastard!"   
There was little doubt in her mind who had given the orders to have the girl released. In moments like these, she could hardly believe Shinji shared genes with that man. Compared to him, her own father had been a saint.   
Gathering her courage, Misato pressed on the buzzer. And waited. After perhaps ten seconds, she pressed again. No reaction. Misato felt her throat go dry. Frantically she pressed again.   
"Asuka! It's me!"   
Nothing.   
A wave of cold fear washed over, an ominous feeling that something was wrong, very wrong. This was followed by the sound of something heavy falling on the floor, a moan of pain and something lighter falling and breaking.   
"Asuka!"   
Without any more hesitation, Misato entered the room's access code. She hadn't intended to barge in on the girl, but had not taken chances. And now she was glad she hadn't.   
The room was dark. Yet Misto's eyes widened in shock as the light from the corridor showed the girl sprawled on the floor, choking, one side of a length of bed sheets tied around her neck and the other side attached to a light fixture that was now also on the floor, broken. Obviously, it hadn't supported the girl's weight. Not that Misato cared, as she rushed to the girl, to loosen the fabric constricting her throat. The girl coughed several times as Misato freed her of the fabric, and helped her sit on the bed.   
"Asuka! What do you think were you doing?!"   
"Isn't it obvious?" croaked the girl. "Pathetic, isn't it? I can't even kill myself right..."   
Had someone been standing in the corridor, he would have heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh. The slap momentarily stunned Misato just as badly as if she had been on the receiving end of it. But anger and frustration and worry quickly came forefront again.   
"Don't say things like that, Asuka!"   
Perhaps it was Misato hitting her. Perhaps it was the realization of what she had nearly done. Or perhaps it was simply the sum of all that had happened that took its toll on the girl.   
For the first time in years, the girl cried in front of someone else. Misato's eyes widened in shock, at the sight of the girl's tears.   
"Asuka..."   
Then her expression softened and with a tentative hand, she reached for the girl, touching her shoulder.   
"Stop it! Don't touch me!" screamed the girl, pushing Misato's hand away and moving into a corner of the bed and room, hugging herself.   
For a moment, Misato hesitated, uncertain. Asuka was even harder to deal with than Shinji. And Misato wasn't good with dealing with people's pain. How could she when she buried her own under the comforting haze of alcohol?   
But the girl needed her. She needed someone, despite all of her attempts to drive them away.   
She hugged the girl. Hard. She embraced the girl in her arms, determined not to let go.   
"Don't push people away, Asuka. It never does anything good. I know..."   
"Go away! I don't need you!"   
Asuka tried to fight her. To wiggle out to her grasp. She even bit her. But Misato clenched her teeth and held on to the slowly weakening girl.   
"I don't need your pity..."   
"It's not pity. I just care about you. I don't want you to hurt yourself."   
Misato felt the girl surrender, despite herself, to the embrace. Misato lessened her hold, but didn't let go.   
"Why do you care, Misato? No one does..."   
"I don't know," admitted the woman. "You're loud, obnoxious, pushy... and I care. I can't explain it. I just do."   
Misato wasn't certain what her relationship to the girl was. Legally, after Asuka's father's death, her stepmother had become Asuka's guardian. But Misato knew that the two of them hadn't really seen each other in years, Asuka having been taken to live in NERV's base back in Germany. Misato was her commanding officer, and also roommate. She had tried to be like a mother, but she had known she had failed utterly. The fault wasn't entirely hers, but she also knew she could have tried harder. Try to help instead of blissfully ignore the problems.   
Like with Shinji.   
No, it wasn't like that with Asuka. Rather... Asuka was rather like the little sister she never had. Someone she could tease, nag, but also had to watch over. And someone she cared deeply for.   
"I just do," reaffirmed the Major.   
"Misato..."   
The tears came freely this time, the girl simply crumbling in her arms. Despite all that she said... perhaps hearing this was what the girl had needed the most.   
"It's alright to cry," said Misato, knowing just how prideful the girl was and how she was probably hating herself right now. "There's no shame in it."   
"You say that because you have no shame."   
Misato smiled at that. It wasn't okay now. But there was hope for the girl. With time... and caring... she would get better.   
One day.   
"Perhaps."   
With one of her hands, Misato caressed the girl's head. Asuka stiffened at first at this intimate gesture, but soon relaxed under the soothing motions.   
They stayed that way a long time, Asuka cradled against Misato. Long after Asuka was done crying. Asuka no longer seemed eager to go, and Misato was in no hurry to let her. When they finally parted, Misato smiled at her.   
"Come on... let's go home."   
Silently, the girl nodded.   
  


- - -

The ride back to the apartment they had previously shared had been done in silence. It was something Misato could understand. There were times where silence was really the only option. Misato knew that she could only do so much. The girl had a lot of thinking to do, and there were issues only she could fix. Right now, she needed rest more than anything else. And Misato would be sure she got it. The Major didn't like her kids using drugs, but just this once she could see their use. Once she would be sure that Asuka was asleep and would remain that way for a few hours, she would go retrieve her things.   
Then, the two of them would talk. It was about time Asuka opened up to someone. If she continued to keep to herself, she would break down again.   
She should probably also try to convince the German girl to get some therapy. A rather daunting task, considering the girl's pride.   
But she wouldn't tolerate silence any longer. Silence didn't bring anything. Misato knew that fact all that well.   
On the way, Misato had reminded Asuka of Shinji's presence and current state, as well as of Rei's temporarily living arrangements. Asuka had taken it better than Misato had expected, telling her not to worry.   
The Major couldn't help but do just that. Although, a confrontation with Rei just might bring some fire back to the girl.   
'There's no turning back now,' Misato told herself as she opened the door to the apartment.   
"I'm home!"   
Rei's pale head poked from the living room, indicating to Misato to be quiet. Misato did the same to Asuka, who just nodded.   
As the Major and redhead removed their shoes, Rei entered the kitchen area. Misato tensed as Rei and Asuka faced each other.   
"Welcome back, Sohryu," said simply Rei.   
This apparently took Asuka aback, as she fumbled on her words to try and thank Rei.   
Misato then knew than her worries were unwarranted. Rei had seemed to grasp Asuka's situation. She could had ignored the German girl, but that would have only infuriated her. Showing her a too friendly reaction, at least as friendly as Rei could get, would likely have been interpreted as a sign of pity.   
Yes, there was definitely hope for Rei. There was hope for both girls. And Misato would see that it remained so, she decided.   
But for now, she needed Asuka to get some sleep...   
Opening the fridge, she smiled.   
"Want some orange juice, Asuka?"   
  


- - -

Maya felt her heart skip a bit as the message "CHECK COMPLETED" appeared on her computer terminal. Not because of its sudden apparition, but rather because of its significance.   
It was done.   
Her gaze turned toward the glass cylinder that stood on a corner of the poorly lit room, waiting to be filled with LCL and to perform its sole function: turn a child into a young man. Maya had mixed thoughts about the entire project. While she could understand the necessity of turning Shinji back into his teenagers years, it didn't feel natural. What if Shinji had been turned into an infant for a specific purpose, in order to give him a second chance? Perhaps he had even wished for that himself...   
But the morality of what they were about to do wasn't the main thing on her mind.   
Her gaze then turned toward the blonde scientist who was working on another console on another corner of the room, working on tweaking a number of secondary systems.   
Whatever happened to Shinji, the completion of this project meant the end of their private team effort. This night would be the last they would spend together, alone in the dark depths of NERV. Maya dreaded the time they would leave, for those privileged moments to end. The last days had been demanding, as they faced hundred of small challenges to be conquered in so little time... but it also had been the best time of her life.   
Over time, as the Angels kept coming and coming, as secrets hid more secrets, Maya had seen the woman she admired so much slowly become another person. Someone colder, to whom moral issues were becoming more and more trivial, a woman alone at heart and nursing deep within herself anger and frustrations. But somehow, as they spent their time in quasi isolation from the world, her cherished role model had slowly reverted to her old persona, sometimes bearing a warm, true smile. Maya didn't know if she had anything to do with that change, but she was glad nonetheless to have been able to witness it.   
But it would be over soon. They would return to the daily preoccupations of NERV... she would return to _him_. Maya wasn't blind, she knew, at some level, that there was _something_ between those two. She didn't want to ponder on the nature of their relations, however. Some possibilities were... unpleasant.   
She shook her head to clear if of that line of thought. Getting up, she approached her mentor. As she got closer, she could see that the roots of her hair were brown. Neither of them had returned to their apartment in a long time, and the Doctor had been unable to dye her hair in all that time. Maya couldn't help but wonder how the woman would look if she returned to her original color.   
It would be nice.   
"Sempai," she said, getting the Doctor's attention. "It's done. The main system has completed all its checks with success. It's ready."   
The Doctor nodded.   
"Alright. I'm almost done myself, Maya. Just a couple more minutes."   
The younger woman watched as the Doctor's hands almost blurred against her keyboard, lines of codes she had written being optimized by her companion. Finally, her hands went still, and Ritsuko saved those latest modifications, then let out a long sigh.   
"Finished."   
"Yes," nodded Maya. "Tomorrow..."   
She couldn't bring herself to finish that line. She wasn't even sure what she wanted to say. The next day would bring many changes to the lives of many people.   
"You must be tired," said Ritsuko, yawning now that suddenly the rush of typing code had passed.   
"You're tired too," Maya said simply.   
On common silent accord, the both of them headed toward the bed they had shared these last few nights. They were both too tired to head on the upper floors of the gigantic maze that was NERV, even less return home. They both laid on the bed, Ritsuko's to Maya's left, the both of them staring at the ceiling.   
'Now... I need to speak to her now..'   
Maya opened her mouth to speak.. but words suddenly dying in her throat.   
She had to do it! It could well be her last chance...   
"Sempai..."   
"Yes?"   
She tried to go on... but courage and words failed her.   
"Nevermind."   
Maya felt almost ready to cry at her cowardice. The only reason she wasn't was the person laying aside her. She gasped, as she felt a warm hand squeeze her own.   
"I know..." Ritsuko said simply.   
This time, Maya didn't hold back her tears.   
  


- - -

The following day had gone rather well, as far as Misato was concerned. Asuka looked much better after a full night of rest and had actually shown some of her old spirit in criticizing the breakfast Misato had prepared. Misato didn't see why the redhead complained about the fish being burnt; Asuka had groused about eating sushi earlier, and these fish were certainly not raw! She had grown a bit more somber once Rei had woken up as well and joined them, but Misato couldn't expect them to instantly become friends. The fact that Asuka didn't immediately go to her room showed improvement.   
After being sure that the next World War wouldn't break out in her apartment Misato had headed to her room to get a little nap. She had instructed Rei the previous night to warn her if Asuka were to leave the apartment, and Section 2 had been advised to keep a close eye on Asuka.   
After the previous fiasco involving Rei, they were VERY receptive to her request.   
And she really deserved some rest. She had barely slept in the last forty-eight hours.   
Later that day, Misato woke up to a sight she wouldn't have dreamed of seeing. Rei trying to instruct Asuka on how to hold Shinji right. She could tell that the two girls' patience with each other was wearing thin, but that was progress nonetheless, if Asuka was actually willing to approach Shinji and listen -- somewhat -- to Rei.   
So Misato woke up to a new day filled with hopes for her young charges. A smile on her face she headed towards the kitchen, only to be stopped by a German redhead waving a frying pan at her like she meant business.   
"Hold it right there!"   
Misato blinked.   
"If you THINK for one SECOND that you're going to FEED ME your over-burned... FOOD... you're DREAMING!"   
"But Asuka..."   
Misato took a step back as the pan almost hit her nose.   
"Since Shinji isn't capable of doing damage control, I'LL do it. Obviously, Wondergirl's taste buds were rendered unusable by years of Japanese food, but I won't let myself be tortured by your attempts. Who needs Angels to send us to the infirmary when they have you cooking for us?"   
"Hey there!"   
"The Major's food is not that dangerous," said Rei, earning Misato a look of gratitude. "I have yet to see it melt through the plates."   
"HEY!"   
Misato's culinary skills were saved from further attacks by a ring at the door. Showing her skill as a brilliant tactician, Misato jumped at the opportunity of diversion it presented. She opened the door, to see a very smiling Ritsuko standing there.   
"Ritsuko?!"   
"You could say 'Hi!' you know," said the doctor, as she walked in the apartment, followed by an equally smiling Maya "Especially since I've came all this way to give you the good news in person."   
Misato blinked. When was the last time she had seen Ritsuko being _cheerful_?   
"Good... news...?"   
Ritsuko's mood got slightly somber and Misato could see her go into the professional doctor persona.   
"We're ready. We just need Shinji now. So, just hand him to Maya and you'll be free again."   
Misato blinked at that, several times, as her brain refused to process those words. Finally, a single word made its way to her lips.   
"No."   
"What?"   
Now it was Ritsuko's time to blink. Behind Misato, Asuka and Rei were eerily silent, Rei seeming in fact even paler than she usually was.   
"I said no! You can't... you can't have him!"   
Ritsuko shook her head. She should have seen this coming. She should have expected that Misato would grow attached to this Shinji...   
"Misato..."   
"Why should we impose this on him? If he grows back... he'll suffer again. Now... he can grow up... the right way!"   
"You're not serious!"   
"I said you can't have him!"   
Ritsuko had to force herself to remain calm. At some level, she could understand, somewhat, what Misato was feeling. It was difficult to let something go... she knew that all two well.   
"Misato... we need him to pilot Unit-01," Ritsuko said, trying to appeal to Misato's sense of duty and her oath to destroy all the Angels.   
"I don't care! We can find another pilot! And we still have Rei and Asuka!"   
That comment actually got a smile out of Asuka. She had been fearing that now, she wouldn't be considered as an acceptable pilot. Obviously, Misato was of a different opinion.   
"You know that Unit-01 only accepts Shinji."   
"So what?! It's frozen anyway!"   
"Misato..."   
The Major was on the verge of tears. Ritsuko had to fight back the doubts she had herself about the morals of what they were about to attempt.   
"I don't want to lose him... I don't want to lose my Shin-chan..."   
"And so you would sacrifice Shinji? Not this one, but the real one? The fourteen year old boy you took in your home? The fourteen year old boy you got to consider as a little brother, if not a son? You would sacrifice him just like his father did?"   
Those words hit the right target, Ritsuko knew, as Misato's eyes widened in realization.   
"No... I... I..."   
"I understand it's not easy Misato... but you must let him go."   
Misato felt a hand touch her shoulder and turned to see Rei looking at her. The girl only held a feeble composure, Misato could tell, and was as shaken as she was.   
"She is right. It is the right thing to do."   
"Rei..."   
Another touch got Misato's attention.   
"Wondergirl is right, Misato. I... I... I miss Shinji. The real one. But don't you dare tell him!"   
"Rei... Asuka..." Misato closed her eyes. They were all right. Still... it hurt!   
"Alright."   
Rei nodded and went to the living room. When she returned, she was protectively holding the child in her arms. With a finger, she caressed his face, which made him giggle.   
"Sayonara." she said simply, her voice almost muted by emotions, before handing him to Misato.   
For a few moments, Misato held the child tight in her arms, her face in tears.   
"Goodbye... Shin-chan..."   
Before her resolve wavered, she handed the child to Ritsuko who nodded to Misato in understanding and left the apartment.   
As Rei watched the Doctor take the baby away, two single tears traveled down her cheeks. And as the Major burst out into tears, Rei felt the impulse to reach for another human being... and let her own feelings flow. Hesitantly, Asuka hugged the two other women... not sure why she was crying. All she was certain of, now, was that Misato was right. It was alright, sometimes, to cry.   
  


- - -

As the days went by, the lives of everyone who had been involved with baby Shinji slowly returned to normal, or at least as close as they could.   
On the same day of Shinji's departure, Rei excused herself and moved out of Misato's apartment. Misato had offered to let her stay, saying that they could surely find _some_ room, but Rei had declined. That had saddened Misato, as she had started to grow fond of the girl.   
Asuka had started to get better. With what had happened with the Fifteenth Angel, remaining quiet on the events of her past had seem rather pointless. It seemed to Asuka that she could never forget now. Not again. She and Misato talked a lot, more than they had ever in the past. Both spoke of things they disliked talking about and both shed plenty of tears. And felt somewhat better afterwards. Misato also pushed Asuka to try to talk with Hikari again. The German girl had been hesitant at first, but Hikari had been quick to forgive her. It was a good thing, Misato decided, Asuka would need all the friends she could get.   
In order to keep her mind busy, Misato spent most of her time investigating NERV while Asuka was at school. There were too many secrets. She needed to learn the truth. It was the only way to protect those she held dear.   
She owed it to her kids. She owed to Kaji's memory.   
Finally, twenty two days after Ritsuko had taken Shinji with her, she came to them with the news that Shinji had now been transferred to NERV's hospital. Which was why Misato, Rei and Asuka were now waiting for him to wake up in the waiting room. Three pair of eyes lit up as Ritsuko made her appearance. Misato couldn't still believe that she had returned her hair to its previous color.   
"What's the news?" asked Asuka, trying not to look TOO excited.   
"Shinji seems in good health and remembers pretty much everything up until the Fourteenth Angel fight."   
"So he has no memories of his time as a baby?" asked Misato.   
"As far as I can say, no. Which really isn't surprising, considering that the first few years of a child's life are all about the brain continuing its development. He didn't really have a chance for new neuron patterns to be set down."   
Misato nodded, yet couldn't help feeling disappointed, a feeling shared by Rei.   
"When can we see him?" asked the blue haired girl.   
"Well, there's still some tests to do on him, but he's doing better than I've ever seen him doing, so any time you like. Just don't let him overexert himself. There could still be side effects we haven't yet identified."   
Misato nodded, deciding that she could tease him once he'd be back home.   
To say that Shinji was surprised when the three of them entered his room was an understatement.   
"Hey Shinji!" "Hi, Shinji!" "Ikari."   
The three girls looked each other and burst out laughing. Well, Misato and Asuka. Rei just smiled. Shinji gave them a look of disbelief, before smiling himself.   
"Misato-san... Asuka... Ayanami..."   
"Hey, how are you doing, Shinji?" asked Asuka.   
"Rather good," admitted Shinji. "Pretty good in fact. What happened to me? I don't really seem hurt enough to be here..."   
"It's a long story," said Misato, not really sure WHAT she should tell Shinji and what keep to silence. Although the teasing potential was almost too good to pass up. "I'll tell you when you're home."   
Shinji nodded at that. Then noticed Asuka frowning at him. Which made him worry.   
"What is it, Asuka?"   
"Stand up," she commanded.   
"What?"   
"Stand up!"   
Before his conscious mind actually processed the order, Shinji found himself on his feet. Looking forward, he saw Asuka approaching him, her movement ending only when their noses where separated by a thin hair of space. That's when he realized that something was off. He didn't have to look up to look Asuka in the eyes. In fact...   
He was looking _slightly_ down.   
"Mein Gott! That's not possible! You CAN'T be taller than me!"   
"Umm... Asuka..."   
"You baka! And to think I worried about you!"   
The room grew silent at those words, Asuka surprised she said that and Shinji surprised to hear it.   
"You were worried about me?"   
Outside in the corridor, Ritsuko winced at the sound of the following slap.   
"Baka!"   
With that, Asuka ran out of the room, leaving a totally confused, but hurting Shinji. Misato sighed.   
"I'll go after her Shinji," said the major. "It's good that you're back. I'll come later to take you back home," she added with a smile.   
"Umm... Okay, Misato-san," said Shinji, still trying to grasp what was going on. "Do you know why I'm taller than Asuka now?"   
Misato's mind boggled at that.   
"Err... we better ask Ritsuko later..." said Misato, assuming that this was one of the possible side effects Ritsuko had mentionned.   
With that, she was off, leaving Shinji and Rei in an uneasy silence.   
"Umm... hello Rei," said Shinji in an effort to break it.   
"It is good to see you back," said Rei, surprising Shinji with a slight smile. "You were missed by everyone."   
Shinji mind froze at that. Ayanami doing conversation AND smiling? More and more, he was wondering if he wasn't dreaming or something. It was just too weird.   
"Err... Thank you, Ayanami."   
"I believe that the Major is planning on holding a party to celebrate your return. I look forward to see you again at this gathering."   
Shinji blinked again. Ayanami, looking forward to a social gathering? Things WERE weird!   
"Take care of yourself, Otouto."   
The warm smile she flashed him was enough to send him in a daze.   
"Ah... goodbye, Rei," he finally replied after a while, but she was already gone.   
What had she meant by "little brother"?   
  


- - -

Everyone dreams. Most people will remember a fraction of their dreams, some more often than others, while the rest will never really be aware of this state of conciousness where anything is possible. But everyone dreams.   
And so, even if she would have no memories of it, Ayanami Rei dreamed.   
She dreamed of herself and a young child, with brown hair and dark blue eyes.   
She dreamed of herself, looking like an ordinary person, dressed in normal clothes like any girl would.   
She dreamed of a child she held in her arms, a child between one and two years old, dressed in a very cute little sailor uniform.   
Both she and the child were happy and smiling.   
In her sleep, Rei smiled, as she dreamt of possibilities that could have been, but were now out of reach. 

But was it really? 

After all, as long as the sun, moon and earth exist, then isn't there a chance for happiness?   
  
  


The End   
  
  


Author's notes: 

It's done. Finally. I can't actually hardly believe it took that long to finish this chapter, and this story. Especially with the way everything just put itself together once I started working on this chapter again. 

But the important is that it's done. And I'm actually happy with the result. It seems fitting. Somewhat ordinary, but then again, aside for some aspects of this story, it was a rather calm one. I think that's what kept me blocked on this part for so long. I had somehow visualized the discussions between Gendo and Rei as well as Misato and Asuka as being something extraordinary and of epic proportion. Like, Rei puts Gendo in his place and Misato fixes Asuka up. Like that was possible. Here, nothing is truly _fully_ resolved, which is more in the spirit of the series. How this all ends? I'll leave this to your imagination. The core of this story was how baby Shinji was affecting the lives of those around him, even if I did expand more than planned (example Hikari). What happens now that Shinji is no longer a baby? That's another matter altogether. 

And no, that isn't because I don't want to work on this project anymore. Fact is, the last part of this chapter had been written almost at the start of this project. 

Thank you all for reading, and more thanks to those who have been patient for so long.   


Regards,   


Alain 

November 14th 2002 


End file.
